Logan
Just Said Yes September 2020

i need help

Logan, on November 9, 2019 at 1:06 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 17
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I need advice I don't know if this is appropriate question for this app. What are your thoughts on your fiance liking selfies of a female coworker. Also this female likes and comments on everything he post but any post that he tags you in she ignores

17 Comments

  • Rebecca
    Rockstar August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    I think you are putting entirely too much weight on social media.

    No, I'm serious.

    Unless he is hiding his phone and interactions with her from you...

    DH has many female friends, and he likes their posts all the time. He's being a supportive friend. He has many female friends who do the same thing to him... and I don't bother keeping track if they like the stuff about me. They don't have to... many of them are from his college days, and I may not know them!

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  • Jade
    Devoted March 2021
    Jade ·
    • Flag
    I agree with the person above! Social media isn’t that serious lol. Unless he is doing something sneaky, then it shouldn’t matter! My FH deff likes other girls pics, but I’m totally okay with it. Because I also like other guys photos too haha
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Expert March 2020
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    Ohhh I personally find it disrespectful, depending on the photo. I used to have men in my life who liked photos of half nude instagram models and honestly I felt belittled. I have a very dark past with men though to the point that it killed my self esteem for years. I told my bf on the first date my expectations and what I find respectful and disrespectful. Luckily for me, he agreed as he had a dark past with his first wife. I think this has a lot to do with your past and the perceptions that now come out of past events. A women who hasn't endured trauma or has had the opportunity to work through problems may not be bothered. I would look at yourself and see I'd you have some unresolved issues and then talk to your fiance. Communication make a huge difference.
    • Reply
  • C
    VIP January 2019
    Cassidy ·
    • Flag
    It could be/probably is innocent, but if it bothers you then you should address it. I was in a similar situation a few years ago
    My husband (Way before even being engaged) used to tag a coworker in memes, all the time multiple times a day. And she would tag him back.
    I got it, they were friends with similar interests and senses of humor. But, his profile said he was single (she knew we were dating and knew me) and he never tagged me, no pictures of me (he doesn’t post many). I just felt like online it seemed as though he was in a relationship with her. Also he met me at work while he had a girlfriend.
    Anyway, it came up in a giant fight. When I finally voiced how I felt he stopped. It was nothing, but he didn’t know how I felt.
    • Reply
  • Jess
    Expert October 2019
    Jess ·
    • Flag
    I totally get this but for me it depends on what it is! is it just a pic of what they did that day and updates on life? or is it half naked pics or bikini pics? i think context is important and if you find its inappropriate maybe tell him and see if boundaries are needed at all!
    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Super September 2019
    Courtney ·
    • Flag
    I think it depends on their friendship. If she’s one his friends and he talks about her, you know they’re close etc I think it’s normal. If it’s someone he never mentions, you don’t know and the two of them are interacting on social media in a way that makes you uncomfortable (if he likes provocative photos, she leave flirty comments or something) I would definitely talk to him about it.
    • Reply
  • M
    Expert September 2020
    Marcia ·
    • Flag
    I think it depends on the pictures and the frequency. If he’s only liking photos from this girl or it’s all the time or he’s being sneaky about it, then maybe some concern. But If he is liking photos from lots of people or it’s only occasionally, then probably not.

    I would recommend just talking to him about it.
    • Reply
  • Logan
    Just Said Yes September 2020
    Logan ·
    • Flag
    Thank you ladies. I think it's more unresolved issues from my past. My ex husband did this stuff but was also having affairs. So it's a simple conversation and setting boundaries. The thing is they aren't good friends she's a coworker who he sees every day that's what I dont like and also he never mentioned her until I asked who she was.
    • Reply
  • Renee
    Super October 2020
    Renee ·
    • Flag
    I don't see it as a big deal. Why would he talk about her if s she means nothing to him? It seems like she's just a coworker who likes the stuff he posts. Unless you go down through his friends list, and he identifies everyone on it, you're not going to know everyone he's friends with. I'd let it go. He also can't control what other people like and don't like
    • Reply
  • Emily
    Dedicated September 2020
    Emily ·
    • Flag

    I'd take the opportunity to get to know her. Not by like DM'ing her or doing something crazy, but if there's times outside of work or a work happy hour that it's cool/ normal for you to go to, attend and don't try to impress her or chum up to her -- just make an effort to get to know her.

    My partner likes to quote Abraham Lincoln at me when I have a petty streak on someone - "I don't like that man - I must get to know him better." Sometimes you dig under the rot and there's just more rot, but 95% of the time there's *something* that can be common ground.

    I know it's probably irritating as hell, and based on your past experience you've got your red flags up. But mentioning her/ being negative about her with your partner is probably only polarizing him or worse, he'll stop telling you when he talks to her to avoid a confrontation with you. That's not the end game that I think you want in this.

    Get to know her (hopefully leading her to more acknowledge "shared posts/ your role"), and barring that - just be more interesting and fun than she could be. Smiley tongue

    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle Online ·
    • Flag
    I don't find it to be much of a big deal. For instance sometimes I find myself in Facebook just kind of randomly liking things on the news feed without giving it much thought
    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Super September 2020
    Nicole ·
    • Flag

    I think it's worth having a conversation with your partner about it. How you feel, what your concerns are, what it means to you based on your past. Don't accuse him of anything because that prevents it from being an open conversation. I'm sure if you talk through it you will find boundaries that you both are comfortable with Smiley heart


    And to answer your question... Some female coworkers it would bother me and some not so much and that is 100% due to my insecurities about feeling they are prettier than me. Because I know my FH doesn't mean anything by it more than "i thought it was a nice picture"

    • Reply
  • Sare
    Dedicated August 2020
    Sare ·
    • Flag

    I think nothing to worry about from HIS SIDE, however it does seem like she may be into him.

    I would be wary about her moreso than your fiance. Seems like she's after your man lol.

    I never really cared that much when my fiance liked his female co worker's posts, however I did have a problem with him liking things from women I knew were interested in him.

    • Reply
  • Future Mrs. K
    Expert April 2021
    Future Mrs. K ·
    • Flag
    I think your FH has a right to “like” whatever they want on social media. As long as they are not talking privately to other people, I think it is totally fine. It’s all about trust! I trust my FH with everything I have so i don’t care who’s pictures he “likes”
    • Reply
  • Suzie
    Rockstar October 2020
    Suzie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I had the same experience with my ex, so I totally understand where you are coming from. If FH does things that trigger me, I talk to him about it. He understands where I’m coming from, since he knows the awful past I had with my ex (emotionally abusive and multiple affairs). Usually it’s something “silly” like this, and he’s just oblivious, but we talk it out and he corrects the behavior. (And I say “silly” in quotes meaning more bothersome than serious.) Bring it up as a casual conversation, don’t accuse him of anything just explain you feel uncomfortable and talk it out. Communication is key in any relationship. And I know PPs are saying it’s “just social media” but honestly it’s a big part of people’s lives these days. He should respect how you feel even if it is nothing.


    • Reply
  • Cristina
    Dedicated December 2021
    Cristina ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I don’t think the actions on social media are they big of a deal as he knows you can see it and clearly has nothing to hide. I don’t know either of you, but would he ask you to marry him if he was doing things behind your back?

    I think the only issue here is, as a couple soon to be married you shouldn’t have to ask who someone is, if she was invited or accepted to be on his social media then it should have been important enough to mention her to you. I think at times (My FH has this problem) men think if they don’t mention it then it’s nothing. For me if you don’t mention it then you are trying to avoid it or hide as long as you can.

    Just talk to him and tell him how you feel, don’t fight over it. Talk about how you feel it should be handled in order for you to feel comfortable with it.
    • Reply
  • Traci
    Devoted October 2021
    Traci ·
    • Flag

    OHHHHHHHH hunny. Social Media ruins relationships!!!!!!!!!!!


    However It depends on the picture and how many times she comments on it. Its probably innocent. When I had Instagram I would tag my Male coworker in funny posts, because we love the same comedian. Discuss it with them and tell them your emotions. Hope this helped oxxooxoxox

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