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Danielle
Dedicated October 2019

i need advise

Danielle, on May 22, 2019 at 12:52 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9

Let me start off by saying I absolutely love my soon to be in-laws. They have accepted me into their family and loved me with all of their hearts. They were there when we got engaged and promised to help as as much as they could, but man do they know how to talk a good game. So my fiances sisters, he has two, are my bridesmaids. (I have a total of eight) Now they promised me that they were going to help me and be there for me and do what ever I needed. Well I made my appointment to get my wedding dress. They promised they were coming along with my mother-in-law. They never showed up. Then I had a girls night with all of my bridesmaids to get them caught up on the wedding planning. They did not show up again. So around comes the time of the bridesmaids dress appointment. I told them that if they do not come, that they will not be able in our wedding. They are causing me too much stress worrying about if they are coming or not. So they promised they were coming, They did not show up until all of my bridesmaids were checking out😒 So they did not have any say in what the dress was and they did not get to enjoy any of the time we spent together. After shopping all of the girls came over to my house, except for them.

My fiance is so sad and upset, more then me. All he wants is for them to be involved. They are still in the wedding, even though at this point my fiance wants them out. They have their dresses. The only time we talk to them is when they want us to watch their kids.

What else can I do?


9 Comments

Latest activity by Danielle, on May 24, 2019 at 9:30 AM
  • Misty
    Super October 2019
    Misty ·
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    Well... some people value different things differently. (Ie: my MOH can't travel to be a part of any showers, bachelorette, etc because of work and commitments and several other explanations). For me I had to ask myself if I wanted people standing up with me that valued my time as much as I value theirs.... and I do.... but I also do not want to miss an opportunity to build a bond between us and make this memory... I had a bunch of reasons to ask for a step down.... but I inevitably chose not to.


    Keep this in mind, These gals will be your family....

    And if you're the sort of person who loves graciously and is inclusive (which it sounds like you are) maybe dont let their flakiness or lack of effort or attention be a precursor for how you treat them. Some people will always be flaky or wont ever give what they get...

    If you continue to be kind and gracious and temper your expectations that they will put in as much effort as others... then you'll be surrounded by a ton of gals who love you and dote upon you and only a couple who just need some time to get to know you and what you consider to be important to you.

    I guess my best practice is to encourage kindness by being kind, encourage goodness by being good to others... and in managing expectations of others. It sucks sometimes because being a loving friend sometimes does not get reciprocated... but at least you always have the pleasure of being kind.

    Good luck. I really do hope they start to get more involved or that you find joy in your moments with your others gals.
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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    I'm sorry you are going through this to start with. I also get this, my FSIL isn't in the wedding but her kids are both FG's. FSIL shows no interest in the wedding (yes I know mine is a ways away), but she doesn't ask anything about it or me when she and my FH speak on the phone or text. FH is getting more and more upset as this continues, he and I both want to have a good relationship with his sister but the disinterest in general (not even about the wedding) really hurts. I just try to be open with my FSIL and talk to her about whatever and let her reach out to me first most of time, which isn't very often. I also just listen to my FH vent a lot about his sister and try to gain a better understanding of their relationship.

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  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
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    Well said!!! I agree 100%. You can only control yourself. So manage those expectations, and treat everyone the way you would like to be treated.

    Enjoy this time of planning, despite their disinterest.

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  • Kate
    Dedicated June 2019
    Kate ·
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    Wow! this is so well written! while I know this is upsetting and I understand why you feel this way don't let it stress you or FH out, you're lucky to still have 6 of your girls there for you

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  • Danielle
    Dedicated October 2019
    Danielle ·
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    Thank you! I am trying my best. I am one of those who just wants everyone to be involved and having a good time. However, I am figuring out that having a good time to my sister-in-laws is to just be told what is happening. They are not like their brother in the slightest bit! He is very social and the would rather crawl into a hole.

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  • Danielle
    Dedicated October 2019
    Danielle ·
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    Yeah it is very difficult, especially when they start venting! When I first met my FH he had given up on his family completely. After we started dating they reconnected, and now they are closer then ever. So it is really hard for him when they pull this flaky stuff. My family is very tight and we always show up, so after being around that he just sees what he is missing. We always remind him that we are his family now too, and together we can help his family learn to come together.

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  • Misty
    Super October 2019
    Misty ·
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    Lol that sounds like family! Layered and alllll that. I hope you can find an ease of the situation. Good luck girl!
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  • Danielle
    Dedicated October 2019
    Danielle ·
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    I am definitely enjoying it! Nice part is my FH is my best friend so we are having a great time, even through the stress Smiley tongue

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  • Danielle
    Dedicated October 2019
    Danielle ·
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    Thank you! We are making the absolute best of it that we can. While we love all of our family, we are making our own. So while we want them to be a part of everything, we do not absolutely need them to be. We are a tight team. Smiley smile

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