i need advice - Should i invited this guy friend to my wedding?

Hmmm...that's a hard one! I'm leaning towards inviting him although I see why your fiance may hold a grudge. Maybe seeing Jacob at the wedding with his girlfriend will help your fiance's feelings?

Ask your FH and make this decision as a couple.

You have a long time before you need to decide this. I would give it some time, get to know the new GF and maybe hang out as couples to judge the vibe of you all together.

You and Alex were together during the movies? Were you exclusive? This is my bias coming out but I probably would not have gone to the movies with him in general (yes men and women can be friends,... yadda yadda). He shouldn't have touched you regardless, but maybe he thought it was a date? Again, he shouldn't have touched you - I want to make myself clear.

Moving on.... invite him. And if you don't, I think you need to be upfront with him because he will probably be shocked because he's under the assumption that you three hugged it out a few times and the issue is done. When you have this convo assume the friendship will end there.

I agree to give it time. Your husband might be more willing to forget the incident once he hears the guys engaged.

I mean honestly, it all boils down to the strength of your friendship. You have a while to decide so maybe you could try going on a double date and having your FH meet this guy and get to know him a different way. And you can meet the girl who has stolen your close friends heart!

I honestly think that it’s a non-issue that your friend “hit on you” by touching your leg almost a decade ago. If your friendship with this person is so strong, I feel like it’s unfair of your FH to hold a grudge and hate him for such an arbitrary reason. Nothing happened and everyone has a past before they meet their future spouse. This guy has a girlfriend he wants to propose to now so it’s not like he’s obsessed with you and wanting your marriage to fail. I have met a girl my husband went on two dates with and I have met a girl he literally made a pass at during a work vacation (he told me about both). They’re both great girls and I have no reason to dislike either of them even if he/they were interested in each other in the past.

If you want to continue your friendship with this guy and he has truly been a great friend and has helped you throughout the years, I would explain this to your FH and set up a date to just hang out the four of you.

If Jacob is a good friend I'm sure he would understand if you couldn't invite him. On the other hand. If you all hung out before without drama, it should be okay to invite him. If Alex doesn't object I would invite him and his gf.

I am inviting a friend that I was deployed with. His wife hates me. She always thought we did something behind her back. My friendship with this guy is more important to me than her insecurities.

I can’t edit on my phone but I’d just like to say that I wrote my response under the impression that Jacob hit on you before you met Alex. If you were in a committed, exclusive relationship with Alex and Jacob hit on you with a complete disregard for your relationship, I don’t think that’s appropriate and I can understand why Alex may dislike him if you two continued to remain close.

Do you and Jacob still regularly get together and hang out? If so, he is your friend and he (and his GF) should be invited to your wedding. If it would make FH feel more comfortable maybe arrange a double date or two before the wedding so he can get to know Jacob better.

If you don't invite him to the wedding I think you owe him a conversation letting him know that you can't be friends with him going forward. Honestly, I think he will be blindsided since this seems to have happened years ago, you all forgave him, you have continued to hang out with him and now it is becoming an issue again.

View Quoted Comment Thiiiiiiis! I was trying to figure out a way to word how it would be an uncomfortable or awkward end to the friendship because of the time but I wasn’t making sense - you hit the nail on the head!

Hmm I would say really ask your FH about it. I know he might’ve shrugged it off and said your choice but he might be leaning towards “she better not!” Lol I do that sometimes with my FH, I give him the choice but I know I’m my heart what I hope he will do.

View Quoted Comment Yeah this. If you still hang out and are friends, it would be weird NOT to invite him. Like if it didn’t change your friendship over the last EIGHT YEARS, choosing now to make it a thing seems bizarre and I’d think he would be blindsided. Sure it should be a decision you and your fiancé make together but if you hang out now and it’s not a big deal, this shouldn’t be any different (and if you don’t hang out now, I don’t know why you’d invite him). Quite frankly this is such a teeny tiny thing that happened SO long ago, I feel like all three of you should’ve moved past it by now.

View Quoted Comment Totally agree!

I’d talk to Alex about it. If it would make him uncomfortable to have him there, I’d respect his wishes. Can’t choose a friend over a husband. And if Jacob is a good guy, he’ll understand. And if Alex doesn’t mind, then hey no problem! I’d just definitely involve him in the decision.

I think you should invite him. This is someone who has been a good friend for a long time, who you said has been there for you in rough times. You said yourself that your fiancé hasn’t asked you not to invite him. Your hesitation is based on a one-sided incident that occurred years ago.

I agree that if you are really feeling like you should leave him off the guest list, you should talk to FH and get his perspective on it first. It may not be as big of an issue as you think. Just make sure you are comfortable with the decision you guys reach in the end - you don’t want to look back and have regrets about leaving a good friend out of your big day.