i Love You But I'm Not In Love With You

Yes. I think there comes a point where love is an act and choice rather than a feeling. A lot of the couple's I know who have been married more than 25 years said sometimes you get to a point where you're not connected as well and you can choose to try to connect again or leave. I think in the case you described they'd be be trying.

Yes. The rainbows and butterflies only last for so long before you start having to worry about bills, communication, arguments, and all of the other negative things that come about in a relationship. I think that's when people start to feel like they're no longer "in love," but what matters is whether or not you still choose to stand by that person and work through the struggles after the honeymoon phase has ended, that's true love. I think the "in love" feeling comes and goes. It might get stronger if/when you have children and you get to see your partner be a parent for the first time, but you might not feel that warm fuzzy feeling when your child is screaming in the middle of the night and your partner sleeps through it. It might come back when you have a romantic date night out, but it could fade a little when you start working 12 hour shifts and never see each other. That doesn't mean that you don't love that person, it's just not the effortless "in love" feeling that you had 6 months into your relationship, it's a conscious decision to make it work.

I mean I guess I'm gonna be the outlier here and say no. I understand there comes a lot of responsibilities and obligations with being married and having a family, but I guess I'm just not trying to spend my life with someone I'm not in love with. Love for me wasn't a choice, it happened. If we fell out of love I think it would be a problem.

Yes. I love my SO. There is always a baseline of love but the "in love" romantic feeling isn't always there. It comes and goes. We ride the highs and lows together.

Yes. But I don't know how I'd feel about being in that. I mean I know of marriages that last and they're not in love. Do I think they're the happiest they could be? Not really.

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"love is an act and choice rather than a feeling".

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"what matters is whether or not you still choose to stand by that person and work through the struggles after the honeymoon phase has ended".

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What's your understanding of loving someone vs being in love with someone?

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What do you do when the "in love" component isn't there? How do you work through that?

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Can you elaborate on why you think couples who aren't in love aren't really happy?

View Quoted Comment The feeling still comes and goes. We have a strong bond and are committed to each other. We deeply love each other even if it's not "in love" feeling all the time. It's not platonic love or out of love. And after 14 years (on our wedding day) we will be very excited to be getting married.

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The commitment you two have to each other is beautiful.