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Devoted October 2019

i know i need to get over it but still angry

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Bridget, on December 11, 2019 at 5:10 PM

Our wedding was 46 days ago and it was fabulous and everything my husband and I had planned and hoped for. The part I still get angry about is the 15-16 people we paid for that didn’t show- to the tune of $3000.
We ran into one of my husband’s friends the other day one who didn’t show and I smiled and was pleasant but I was boiling underneath. He did apologize over text to my husband for not coming he apparently took s new job a month before the wedding, the company fired the other two guys in his position so he was literally the only one that day who could do his job and a customer came in late and he had to stay late to deal with it. Not only did this particular guest apologize to my husband- he offered to cover the cost of his plate- which we refused because things happen. I know everyone has this happen I’ve read it and heard about it and I know I need to just let it go. But ugh I just can’t. My Godson who was to be an usher, who two weeks before the wedding tells me he has a “new woman” and he is bringing her from Texas (we’re in Jersey) So I added her paid for her then two days before my Uncle- his father-tells me they aren’t coming. He was part of my wedding party! I bought him gifts, he was in the program! I was so devastated by it. I still can’t even say his name without either gritting my teeth or crying. It was the first time all 7 of my godchildren were going to be in one room. He didn’t and still hasn’t had the decency to tell me himself or contact me in any way.
My aunt fell the week before and my mom’s friend was in the hospital. This stuff happens I’m glad they’re both ok now. I gave my cousin my bouquet to give to her mom because she had wanted to come so bad. The rest of them all stupid excuses that they should have just rsvp’d no and although we would have been sad they couldn’t come I get our wedding isn’t as important to anyone else as it is to us. To say yes then not show. I just can’t believe how this bothers me this far out. The good thing is I didn’t even pay attention that night and nothing ruined our day I just don’t know how to stop harboring this resentment towards the really no excuse people two months later. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I know it’s stupid and I hate myself for being this way.

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23 Comments

Expert February 2020
Kristal · on December 17, 2019 at 2:42 PM
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Yes, you have a right to be upset. However, it is time to put on the big girl panties. I am feeling what many of the PPs have written but my take is this: Either you confront each of them individually or you let it go completely and you move on.

Now as I say this, please understand that my father is a case study in what happens when you hold on to things for too long. You need to look at each of them individually to decide if they are worth the effort of confronting them about not showing up (i'd say your godson might just be) or if you are better off just letting it go and not going to their big events or going out of your way to spend time with them. I really think a lot of it is about not wanting to confront those whom you felt close with about their absence. Get that closure and so you can be at peace.

The money is already spent. It does you no good and potentially great harm to continue being upset. Once you have isolated and confronted the ones who actually matter to you, concentrate on the people who were there and on the people who cared enough to apologize for not showing. It sounds like you have so many people who deserve your time and attention much more than these people who didn't bother to show after RSVP-ing. Put your efforts to loving them and your new husband.
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Expert October 2019
Tamika · on December 20, 2019 at 4:07 PM
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That is so sad and it happens to a lot of people, it's more messed up when it is the last minute. Don't kill your mental mindset and harbor over it, you had a great wedding after all and some things are meant not to happen if they didn't show up. It does suck that you bought gifts and paid a lot of money but you married the man that means the most to you and that is all that matters.
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Devoted October 2021
Traci · on December 21, 2019 at 2:27 PM
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You have EVERY right to be upset and i'm sorry about the money and the no shows. I would suggest telling them your feelings. I suggest not to include them in important in the future.
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