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Stephanie
Expert September 2021

i just really need to vent!

Stephanie, on February 22, 2021 at 11:01 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 24
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We were to be married last September but due to covid we decided to postpone in early June! By then my mother still didn’t have a dress, which was fine because we postponed. Well, now we are 7 months out and she still hasn’t even started looking. Every-time I bring it up, she pushes me off. The same she does with anything I say about the wedding. We are paying for our whole wedding with no help from our families. The only thing I ask of our parents is to at least dress nicely and it seems like she doesn’t care. She doesn’t even need a super fancy dress is the thing. Where we live there are only so many places to look for dresses even casual dresses. I’m afraid she is going to wait to the very last minute and then not be able to even find something nice to wear. I know this is like the last thing I should be worrying about but she is just stressing me out about. We are paying all this money to make our day nice and I just want our parents to at least look nice on our photos. Idk maybe I’m asking for to much? Any advice?

24 Comments

Latest activity by Breonna, on April 7, 2021 at 10:43 AM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah Online ·
    • Flag
    My mom bought her dress a month before our wedding with no issues. Unless your mom is someone who regularly needs her clothes altered, this isn’t something I would worry about.
    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    Expert September 2021
    Stephanie ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    We don’t have many places to buy dresses here, and she isn’t normal sizing. So she would need it altered even if it was a summer dress.
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  • Ava
    Super May 2022
    Ava Online ·
    • Flag
    I think seven months is too early to start worrying about your mom ‘s dress. Even if she needs her dress altered, she could easily order a beautiful dress from an online store 2 months before the wedding and still have plenty of time to get it altered.
    • Reply
  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
    • Flag
    My mom just got her dress last week, eight weeks before the wedding. I should think you'd have time? Where are you located?


    My guess would be there are body image issues at play.
    • Reply
  • Apryl
    Dedicated March 2022
    Apryl ·
    • Flag
    I think 7 months is rather early to worry about your mom's dress. She has plenty of time to get the dress and alterations if she needs them.
    I'd follow up in 3 or 4 months when it is more pressing to her.
    • Reply
  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
    • Flag

    I know as brides we stress about everything falling into place, but seven months out is WAY too soon to be this stressed about it. I'm honestly not surprised that your mom isn't too worried about it right now - she has plenty of time. Maybe she wants to lose some weight before the wedding or something? If you get to a couple months out with no progress, then maybe I'd start worrying a bit. At that point, you could suggest a shopping trip together, or share some websites you like to show her some options. But at this point, she knows your wedding date, she knows she needs a dress, and I am assuming she is a capable adult, so I'd leave it at that for now and focus on the things on your checklist that need more immediate attention. Smiley smile

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  • Stephanie
    Expert September 2021
    Stephanie ·
    • Flag
    The reason I’m worried about it now, is because she refuses to order online and the choices around here are slim even for smaller people. I live in a small town in pa and she doesn’t want to travel to look at dresses either. I’m afraid she is going to wait to long to even start looking and than she will be out of options. I do realize there is still 7 months until the wedding but she isn’t wanting to budge on shopping online or traveling to look at things. Also I’m stressed because me and her don’t have a very great relationship and in my mind I think she is doing this to just cause me stress and then she will end up wearing white or something ugly just to ruin my day. Idk
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah Online ·
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    I think this is something you really need to let go of. If you truly believe that your mother might be doing this to ruin your day, let it go and don’t let it ruin your day. You’re in charge of your feelings and at the end of the day, if you aren’t close to her and she’d be willing to ruin your wedding, you need to stop giving her your energy.
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
    • Flag
    I wouldn't stress over this. I told my loved ones if you show up to my event dressed silly then expect to get cropped from professional photos lol.
    • Reply
  • Rebelle Fleur
    Rockstar July 2021
    Rebelle Fleur Online ·
    • Flag
    I would buy her something in her size/style that’s inexpensive and not tell her. If she finds something before the wedding you can always return it. If she says she doesn’t have something the day of or the day before the wedding you’ll have it to give to her.
    • Reply
  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Amanda ·
    • Flag
    I’d offer to go shopping with her and pay for her dress.
    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    Expert September 2021
    Stephanie ·
    • Flag
    Thanks for the advice!
    • Reply
  • L
    Lady ·
    • Flag

    Honestly, you shouldn't even be involved in your mom buying a dress. She will show up to your wedding wearing whatever she feels comfortable in. Do not stress about this especially when she has 7 MONTHS to figure it out.

    • Reply
  • HRhodes
    HRhodes ·
    • Flag

    My boyfriend's sister is getting married in July. She just bought her wedding dress. They said it's supposed to come in about May/June. So as long as you don't need many alterations and can afford to pay to expedite it like her, I say it should be fine.

    • Reply
  • Leah
    Beginner July 2022
    Leah ·
    • Flag
    I am what you would call a classic overthinker. And sometimes people don't realize how important the details are for me. I sometimes have to sit them down and just make them aware that while it may seem silly for me to be feeling the way I am about whatever the topic is I want to impress upon them how important it is to me. And that even if they don't understand hopefully they will love me enough to make it important to them as well. Maybe take a day and go shopping with her. And while you are out tell her. And tell her it's important to you. Also I am sure you want her to FEEL beautiful as well so that angle could help her get in the mood. And don't forget no matter how hard we try we brides can get really obnoxious going on and on and on about our weddings lol. We don't mean to it just happens!
    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    Expert September 2021
    Stephanie ·
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    I really am an over thinker too! Little details are important to me especially when it comes to our wedding. We have been engaged for over 8 years and I just want everything to be right now that we can afford our wedding we want! Others think I’m being ridiculous about we are so far out but to me that isn’t that far! And I feel like things need taken care of in a Certain way! She is also very difficult to deal with even wedding stuff. That why I feel I need to push her now instead of waiting.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Super October 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    Is she worried that shopping will be miserable for her, and she won’t look good in any dress?
    There are places that will do custom measurements, like eshakti dot com.
    • Reply
  • Leah
    Beginner July 2022
    Leah ·
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    I totally understand! My Mom is a wreck so I am back and forth on whether she will even be invited to stay the night at our destination after our little wedding since her issues with alcohol are something I do not want to deal with for this event. FH and I have been together for 12 years and I am actually still waiting on my ring to arrive this week. And he wants to do a proposal. I knew he was looking at rings and he took me shopping. Then he told me to build my dream ring online "for ideas" and then bought it behind my back (of course I dream fairly in budget so that helps). He kept it quiet for 2 days lol. We are both so excited and even though we are doing a very small event I still want it to be perfect and fun. We are planning tons in advance also. I think people should be understanding and I hope your Mom comes around a bit more. My Mom isn't very happy for me right now because I haven't included her more. She is actually behaving as if she is jealous and she needs things to be about her and I have zero tolerance for that right now. She actually called other relatives to yell at them for hearing the news about the ring purchase first even though we aren't even officially engaged yet. Smh. She told my Aunt I am very close with "to be my mother then if she is so special." And she wonders why I didn't tell her first. Good luck hon! Wish you all the best!
    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    Expert September 2021
    Stephanie ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I totally understand! My mother has issues of her own. Growing up she wasn’t really around for me, or gave my brother more attention. We just recently in the last few year have been getting “along” but I still feel she is just doing this because she knows it’s important to me. I know get some people are self conscious when it comes to dress but I just don’t think this is the cause. Others are quick to say I shouldn’t be worrying about it or I should buy her dress, but I feel guest including my mother should have to pay for their own clothes. Especially since they aren’t helping with the over all wedding. But congratulations!!!!!!! I hope things work out for you! Trust me I know impossible mothers and mother in laws.
    • Reply
  • Leah
    Beginner July 2022
    Leah ·
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    I feel like we were a bit meant to have contact lol. So for just this time I can totally be your venting buddy if you want lol. We seem to have very similar stories and kind of just need to feel ok about...well...whatever right now. And sharing with someone who is going through it could help vs the usual group who I personally feel like are mostly already tired if hearing about my engagement and wedding in a very short time. Just curious but are you getting a lot of jealous vibes from unexpected people? I kind of am. At least I feel like that. It's the first time I have said that "out loud" and I already feel better. You sound like a great lady and I am a good listener and I think you are too! So seriously I am game to hear ALL of the things that are weighing on you and help you unload. Sometimes just getting things off your chest is the best medicine. I know the comments here aren't private so if you want I will give you my Facebook messenger. Just offering! I won't be offended at all if it's a pass. I just get this feeling we could both use it and it could be fun lol. 😉
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