I apologize in advance for the absurd length of this post.
I guess I should start by saying I feel I have done everything in my power to help my bridesmaids be as comfortable as they can for all events surrounding the wedding. I picked out a color for their dresses and told them to pick whatever dress fit them best. My FH and I rented & paid for a 12 bedroom, 14 bath home (where the wedding is taking place) for each of them to stay with their SO's. We have planned for a grocery & alcohol delivery to the house so they aren't without food for the weekend. My parents have opened their home for bridesmaids meetings in attempts to help the girls save money. My parents have even offered to pay for the entire shower. I am not being picky with the bachelorette party. There has been so many other small things we've done to make sure everyone is happy and comfortable.
With that being said, I requested the bridesmaids to have their hair and make-up professionally done by a team that my FH and I hired for the day- the only parameter was that it needed to be an up-do of sorts. My FH and I were not willing to take care of the cost of this because we had already paid for a rather expensive house. My FSIL (FH's younger sister) was the only one that had something to say. She said her hair is "too heavy" for an updo and that she will style her own hair, followed up with I don't wear makeup so I won't be getting mine done. Mind you, she does not style her hair when we go out for a fancy event- it's ALWAYS kept in a side braid or a side bushy ponytail.
When I asked the girls to be my bridesmaids, I did it all in one shot at our engagement party. I gifted them a matching bracelet and earring set- specifically to wear on the wedding day. I overheard her ask someone in the room if they would wear them because she probably never would, so they can have it,
We tried planning a big wedding of 300+ people and after putting a deposit down on the venue of my dreams, we decided a wedding of that capacity wasn't for us. We began to make secondary (but equally as beautiful) wedding plans. Oh man, did my FSIL have something to say about that. She was mad her friends of many years were cut for friends that my FH has had for a few years. She HARPED on my FH that all of their cousins needed to be invited, even though we only see them once or twice a year at most.
At one point, my FH was contemplating on 2 last groomsmen, rightfully so. She asked him who was in the wedding party and he told her. She didn't like the answer, so of course, she offered her opinion. She felt more of the cousins should be in the wedding party since they "grew up together". He brushed it off.
A few weeks after we got engaged, we threw around a few different food ideas for the reception. She caught wind of our ideas and completely trashed them. And was also pissed we weren't going to provide our reception with her favorite beer.
Remember that big, beautiful, beachfront home we rented for everyone to stay at? She decided her and her boyfriend would rather stay with other people. So there's that.
The worst one of all- my incredibly busy bridesmaids decided on a weekend that worked for all of them for my Bach! It honestly is a miracle and totally meant to be. NOT SO FAST! Guess what? My FSIL has an issue with that weekend, of course. She is going to be on her very last day of vacation with her boyfriend and is refusing to leave 12 hours early. I mean honestly, their checkout is at 10AM on Saturday. For God's sake, just come home Friday night! You'll beat traffic anyway!
I have tried time and time again to politely bring the more important things to my FMIL like the hair & make up and bach party, but she just seems to have the stance that she can't make FSIL do anything she doesn't want to. I have had it with her and cannot handle much more!