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Just Said Yes September 2020

i hate wedding planning... Am i being unreasonable?

Kimberly, on January 11, 2020 at 8:42 AM Posted in Planning 1 8

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After two straight days of ugly crying to the point of hyperventilating, my fiancé and I had a heart to heart about our wedding plans. We got engaged in December and we’re planning a September wedding in Pigeon Forge, TN. Even after trying to be financially conscience, we are still spending twice as much as we wanted to. I hate the decisions to make, the wedding party drama, and I never imagined having this much stress, even with a small wedding of no more than 50 people and hiring a coordinator. We’ve decided to cut our losses with the deposits and change the plans to something local at a brewery and just have the “reception” at a nice restaurant. We are even cutting the wedding party out of it but they are still invited. The one thing we can’t decide on is a date. His brother is getting married Memorial Day weekend and my fiancé doesn’t want to get married before them because he says it will steal their thunder. We don’t have any of the same friends and the vibes of the weddings will be 100% totally different, there aren’t even any showers planned for them that I know of. He doesn’t understand that my main source of stress is the time factor. I feel like the longer engagement we have, the more I’ll focus on it and what we can do differently and change things all the way up until the day. I’d like to get married in March and start our lives together (we are waiting to move in together until we are married).) Part of me feels like his siblings emotions are more important than mine. I just know that my mental wellness can’t handle this stuff while also trying to stay productive in running my own business. Thoughts? Am I being unreasonable?

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Laura, on January 11, 2020 at 11:08 AM

VIP August 2020
Kathryn · on January 11, 2020 at 9:00 AM
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Deep breaths. I felt the same way a few times during the engagement, and it would be easy to mind of rush into the marriage part. But you also have to make sure that you're having the wedding that you want. I think a March wedding is pushing it unless you're ok with making a lot of concessions in terms of photography, dress, venue. I feel like that might be even more stressful honestly. But still doable if that's what you both want. You will have to deal with his brother for the rest of your life though - so you also have to take that into consideration.

Since you just got engaged, I'd say take a week or two before revisiting plans. Actually soak up that part, process it. It's normal to be overwhelmed and all out confused and anxious at the start, which might cause you to rush into the marriage part. Everyone says being engaged should be fun, but I spent several weeks stressing out and adjusting myself and almost just wanted to skip to the marriage part. But we waited, and I processed and realized that my emotions were just me acknowledging that this is really happening, that I am getting married, and the heaviness off that choice and commitment.
Now my FH and I are already lovingly calling each other hubby and wifey, and I almost want another month to our engagement so I can soak in this warm buzz of anticipation. So I honestly think taking a step back from planning for a week will allow you to focus on your work and your FH. Marriage is just signing the dotted line - you can do that anytime. Make sure it's really what you want and not your anxiety
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on January 11, 2020 at 9:26 AM
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I don’t know that you’re being unreasonable but I don’t think he’s being unreasonable either. I also don’t think he’s putting his siblings feelings as more important than yours. When you initially picked a date, why were you ok with September? I don’t think you have to wait until September, but I also think planning a wedding, even a small and casual one, in two months time can be fairly stressful. I think you need to come to a decision that’s best for both of you since it’s both of you entering the marriage. I also agree with Kathryn that I would give it a few days before talking about it again.
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on January 11, 2020 at 9:55 AM
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I would definitely take some time to think it over. I think planning even a small wedding in such short of a time could honestly be more stressful. Also with such short notice, guests you really there might not be able to attend. I think your fiance is trying to avoid causing any drama by not getting married first. From the sounds of it, your fiance's brother and his fiancee would possibly be upset if you got married first. I would proceed with planning your wedding in September. You obviously wanted to get married during that time for a reason. What I would do is take one thing at a time. Don't rush into planning a whole bunch of things at once.
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Super June 2020
Renee · on January 11, 2020 at 10:29 AM
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My only advice about your planning is to take it slow. It appears that you stress very easily. Planning a wedding in 2 months is the easiest way to blowing a gasket. Take a breath and slow down and tackle one thing at time. First your budget!

As far as the FH’s brother and wife. If there wedding was next year, 2021, would you have to wait for them to get married first? Weddings are financial speed bumps on families. Whether they are paying or not. I think your FH was trying to avoid a possible altercation.
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on January 11, 2020 at 11:01 AM
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I really think moving it to March would make things more stressful! I see where he’s coming from with not wanting to steal his brother’s thunder. You really want to start out on the right foot with your new brother in law and his wife, and rushing your wedding before theirs may annoy or upset them. I think it’s actually very thoughtful of him to not want to steal their spotlight.

I’m also not sure how only giving yourself 2 months to plan will make you LESS stressed. Is it just because you’ll have less time to think about it? If that’s the case, honestly, just work on trying to stop thinking about it. You don’t have to be planning your wedding every minute that you’re engaged and you can start your lives together before your wedding.

Take a step back and maybe plan a late June or early July wedding?
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Super September 2026
Laura · on January 11, 2020 at 11:05 AM
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I really think you should have space between the two weddings. Families attend both and it gets expensive for them. I agree with everyone else and slow down - you got engaged just weeks ago.

I also believe that having been recently engaged, then having set a date, and then jumping in front of his brother could look really lousy to others. 90 days from engaged to married feels shot gun also. And that probably isn't what you're going for...
I really think you need to wait until after May.
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Super September 2026
Laura · on January 11, 2020 at 11:08 AM
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Shooters aren't planned until a couple puff months prior to the wedding. And not having one does not make their wedding less in some way.
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Super September 2026
Laura · on January 11, 2020 at 11:08 AM
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**showers... of...
Lol
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