I hate my MIL >:(

Story of my life girl! My FMIL is psycho! Hates FHs bio dad, hates FHs step dad, hates me (although she tries to act all sweet to my face, I hate that crap), hates my parents. I've considered asking my cop uncle to bring his cuffs and taser just in case she starts a fight! No advice for you unfortunately, I've just kind of accepted that I have to deal with her forever..

You can only hope for the sake of her son she will be on her best behavior . Can you have a friend or family member on alert so that if she starts to act up they can escort her off the premises ? I would also have FH talk to her and make it very clear how he expects her to conduct herself on his wedding day.

@OP The best thing is invite her, and lock down any contact with her. Don't invite her to any pre wedding events, keep her at a distance, don't give her any way in, to say you said this or did that. Treat her as a non person, before and during the wedding. Hopefully that will work out for you.

Be the bigger person and invite her..your close friends and family will protect you on your wedding day if she starts to go psycho.

If you're getting married at a banquet hall, they will have plenty of staff to assist you if shit hits the fan. Have a conversation with the coordinator ahead of time so they know what/who to keep an eye on. If you're getting married elsewhere with no staff to help you, enlist a cousin or someone not in the bridal party to do this for you. You shouldn't need to even know if drama is happening-let others do it for you.

I just hope I don't magically trip walking down the aisle or get coincidentally poisoned lol how is your relationships with your MILs?

You will be fine. My MIL is wonderful but she also lives across the country. My FH adores his mother and I love that about him.

I absolutely love and adore my future in laws. I honestly don't think I could have found a better family to marry into. They are just plain wonderful! The first time I met them I was so comfortable with them I felt like I had known them for my entire life.

However, I was previously engaged to a man where his mother was a psycho biotch and I hated her. For a 50-something year old woman she was EXTREMELY immature. My ex broke up with me after two years of dating (we were living together) and threw me out of the house mid-night with my entire car packed and almost no where to go. Luckily my parents use to leave their door unlocked so I snuck into their house and I ended up back home. Ex and I were split up for six months, in the meantime I had started dating another man but I was still in love with my ex so when ex called to reconcile I agreed. That day I seen his mother who told me I was a whore (because I had started dating) and her son deserved better! Ex and I got back together and for the first year his mother and I barely spoke. Year two he proposed and I accepted and she tried to be chummy. Everything wedding related she criticized me on, tried to make me feel terrible, etc. Ex was a heavy alcoholic and had been for several years before we initially started dating. One night he passed out in the bathroom and cracked his head open on the sink, blood everywhere, couldn't wake him, etc. I called 911, then his parents. His mother accused me of pushing him and was angry I called 911 because of the aftermath it caused in my exes life (forced to go to AA, counseling). Ultimately another drunken night sent me over edge and I left him but for good! So glad I didn't get stuck with that woman as my MIL! She was an ugly person.

My FMIL is awesome, but I've been married before and was not so lucky. The lesson I took from that, and from my relationship I had in between the marriage and my wonderful FH is that you cannot feed into their drama. I learned to smile and nod a lot, and then go do what needed to be done. A huge part of their problem was needing to be paid attention to, so you just have to refuse to play the game. It's so easy to get caught up, but it's absolutely the worst thing to do.

I completely understand! It has not gotten to that extent with my FMIL yet but there are a few members of his family that i really wish weren't coming. I wouldn't tell my FH he couldn't invite them but I did sit down with FMIL and tell her that if anybody starts acting foolish or running their mouth that they will be told to leave. Maybe sit down with FH and tell him your concerns but that if it means a lot to him she can come but he will have to make sure she will act at the very least respectful of you to. You could also try calling her and having a sit down. Just be the bigger person and tell her what's going on. That for your FH sake you want to invite her but that you two will have to come to an understanding for the day. She will have to respect you if she's going to be there. It's a shitty situation. I'm sorry.

Here's my .02 for you. Go seek counseling for yourself. Not that there's anything you are doing to cause problems in the relationship or that you need therapy, but experts can and will give you better communications tools to deal with difficult people. Companies hire consultants all the time to help staff and managers deal with difficult people and situations. I've been through a couple sessions with a team, even when I thought it all silly, but in the end found it really does make a difference in your interactions.

All that said, invite the crazy and take it in stride.

Congrats and good luck.

I second Ellie. You can't control or fix her, but you do have some power over your own response, and you can find strategies to manage conflict and lower your stress reaction.

I also agree with what folks often say on here -- her own bad behavior will reflect badly on her, not on you. Your guests won't let it ruin their experience even if she does get unpleasant.

Is there anyone that can keep a eye on this woman? such as making sure she doesn't get sat where you could get tripped or where it's likely she would say things to you?

it's a tough place to be in, and no wedding is perfect. if she get up and says nasty things then IMO you have a right to get up and say something about it to. most of the time just a 'I'm sorry you feel that way and I've tried, and I extended kindness by inviting you to the wedding' can do it in many people's eyes.

make sure someone is with you so she can't get in our face about things, and if she hurts you in any way, I wouldn't hesitate to report her for it. I would hope she wouldn't trip you, but if she tries it would be in front of witnesses and possibly get on a video!

I'm sorry she's being like this, but she may just have to be the thing to bear on the wedding day. are you going to have security, could she be removed is she gets out of line?

I'd speak with your groom about these concerns. one of many things you'll need to work out together.

My MIL (and some other inlaws) are psychos too. At first they weren't invited to our wedding either. We ended up letting them into our lives (and wedding) and we definitely regret it. From my experience, my advice to you is to see how thing play out. If you get close, if they reach out, if they try to be civil.... invite them but DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES let them into the wedding planning process. Crazy people like that have no boundaries and if you give them an inch they will try to take the whole mile. Good luck.

Thanks everyone for the good advice I'm just going to have my FH have a talk with her and keep it civil the day is about us and I refuse to make it otherwise.