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Just Said Yes June 2020

i hate my fiance's Maid of Honour's date

Sean, on January 4, 2019 at 11:12 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11
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Question from a groom-to-be here: my fiancé's maid of honour (whom I love) has a newish boyfriend that is repulsive. He's obnoxious, rude, loud and loves to be controversial and in the spotlight. I've spent a weekend with him and wouldn't accept money to hang out with the guy and cringe thinking about him being around my family and having him there as I read my vows. My fiancé knows this, and while she's not his biggest fan, she also wants her maid of honour to be happy (which is why we would never meddle in her relationship choice).

We're having a destination wedding in which 40-50 of us will be at a resort spending 7 days together. We are having our bachelor/bachelorette parties at the resort, the guys coming with me and the ladies going with her. There will also be group trips and lots of interaction. At first the boyfriend was not coming, now months into planning and the boyfriend has changed his mind. The Maid of Honour let us know she would no longer be bunking solo and that he would be joining us, I think she assumed this would be fine as we haven't really voiced concerns about him.

My fiancé accepted this and I haven't been able to. What are my options here? I don't want to cause a rift between my fiancé and her Maid of Honour but I also seriously do not want to be around this guy for 7 full days. My fiancé said I would be unkind to leave him out of my bachelor party and to exclude him... but I can't picture myself having fun with this guy around. I feel like I'm being forced into this and that my fiancé isn't representing me to her Maid of Honour or really caring how I feel. My fiancé has said that I am stubborn and that I am unable to sacrifice anything and she says that I am selfish for even making this a concern. She says I am putting her in the middle and should stop being a drama queen. It's hard for me to hear this and I'm feeling a little lost in this whole wedding guest list thing.

Do I need to stand up for myself here? Or should keeping the peace be my top priority and I try to ignore this guy for the full extent of my week? I just wanted our wedding to be filled with people I consider close, the whole point of a destination wedding was to be intimate and special. Not sure what to do and could really use some advice.

11 Comments

Latest activity by Ally, on January 5, 2019 at 11:23 AM
  • Becca
    Devoted October 2019
    Becca ·
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    That is a tough situation. Frankly, if you feel this strongly you really need to make your voice heard. It is your wedding too. I would say you could try to compromise on letting him come to the wedding, but explaining that you want your bachelor party about you and you feel he will ruin that vibe. If you can't change how you feel about him (which it seems like you can't) your best option is try and be heard. If your fiance continually shuts you down on that, it may be a bigger problem.
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  • Yoice
    VIP March 2019
    Yoice ·
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    This is tough because I feel like you might bring a lot of drama into the week if you open up about him and this would probably involve everyone. I think your fiancé’s maid of honor might get very hurt over this specially if she’s involve in the planning and helping you guys a lot. You might want to consider that.
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  • Tina
    Super August 2019
    Tina ·
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    Sigh. One bad 🍎 spoils the batch. My thought is you if you feel this strongly you need to figure out a way to keep him out of your events. I would not want someone like that around what is going to be the most special day of your life. I get she wants to make her friend happy But making You happy should be priority number one. I think she needs to tell her friend that you don't care to have the guy at your events. If he wants to travel with her and catch up to her after its all said and done then so be it. My lil sis has a bf that is a complete jerk and we made SURE he did not come to our mothers funeral. At the end of the day l didn't want the worst day of my life to be even worse by his presence. Same for every family event and double for my wedding. Why have someone there you can't stand? No can do.
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  • A
    Devoted August 2018
    Ally ·
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    My friend invited her close friend to my bachelorette party right in front of me, putting me on the spot to accept. Given the circumstances I had to. I am not happy about it bc I dont care for the girl personally. She is the ONE person I wouldnt want at my bachelorette party because shes very loud and selfish. Shes all about herself and I dont want my one bachelorette party to be ruined with that memory. Here is the issue... it's not really my say and ti make a big deal about it will only case the same drama I am trying to avoid. I figured I'd suck it up. If the chick gets on my nerves I will just keep my distance or pull my friend aside and have a word about it. I'd advise you to do the same. Tell your fiance or her friend that you will accept but let it be known that you wont go lightly if he becomes disruptive and ruins YOUR moment
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  • Carol
    Devoted October 2019
    Carol ·
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    Absolutely stand up for yourself! It's your wedding, too, and your happiness and concerns need to be taken more seriously. There is no reason for someone you can't stand to be at your wedding or bachelor party.
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  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Your wedding isn't for a year and a half. Hope they break up? However, you have to invite SO's of your guests. It's an etiquette MUST, unless the SO presents a danger to others or has threatened anyone. Things like that are the only exception.

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  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    I'm afraid this is not the case. You can't split up couples just because you don't like one of them. It's rude.

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  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Is the annoying chick invited to the wedding? If not, there is no reason to invite her to the bachelorette. In fact, it's really against etiquette. Can you use that as a reason not to invite her formally?

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  • Kaylacamille
    Dedicated June 2019
    Kaylacamille ·
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    Tough situation for sure. I say that’s it’s your wedding too and you should be able to have a great time with your family and close friends. If he has to be at the wedding then fine, but I say it’s fine if he’s not invited to your bachelor party. At the end of the day, you aren’t fond of him and he’s not your friend, so you should be forced to have him there. I say maybe try to sit down with your fiancé and really explain to her in a calm way how this makes you feel and maybe the both of you can talk to the MOH?
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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    He needs to go to the wedding. The friend is your future wife’s MOH, some who is so important to FW. Do you expect this person to travel on a week long vacation alone, while her SO stays home? Yes you will have Interaction s with him , but I’m sure most of your time will be spent with your new wife!
    As far as your bachelor party I wouldn’t include him. Are there other men you don’t want to include as well? Maybe instead of all the men, you limit it to just your groomsmen and immediate family? This was he’s not singled out and can’t really get mad because you’re just keeping it small.
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  • A
    Devoted August 2018
    Ally ·
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    No she is most definitely not invited to my wedding and definitely will not be. My friend had an issue of going places without her other group of friends. They always have to be included and it is really annoying. I dont even want to bother saying anything bc shes one of my bridesmaids and can be rather argumentative. Either way itll cause drama but I dont see a need for her friend to be there... shes not My friend for MY bachelorette party
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