Savvy October 2020

i had two maid of honors and both are backing out. Thoughts?

Julia, on February 10, 2020 at 8:49 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6
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So, I have a weird situation. I have two close friends. One is married and one isn’t. I made them both my matron and maid of honor. They both are kind of nuts and placed an unbelievably large amount of stress and fictional expectations on themselves and within the last week, both have essentially said they don’t want to be my maids of honor anymore. It’s weird because they don’t even have to plan the bachelorette party. I’m doing it because they are both last-minute about everything. There’s literally nothing they have to do besides be there on the day and the rehearsal dinner. I’ve got a planner and I’m a diy dork, so I’m good on basically all aspects of planning. Not to mention, my mom is doing all the showers because one already panicked (mind you, we are 8 months and some change out), but obviously it really hurt my feelings. Thoughts on how I should proceed? I’m really upset about it and not sure what I should say.


  • Kristen
    Rockstar November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    I am sorry and it is very disheartening they did that. I would just count them out and depend on your other bridesmaids at this point. I will say now you know not to count on them for major stuff in the future.

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  • M
    Devoted October 2021
    Megan ·
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    What kind of expectations did they place on themselves within the last week? I'm confused as to how they could think they are required to do anything if you're on the other end of the conversations saying, "you don't need to do that, I have it covered." Do they think you're not being serious?

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  • V
    Dedicated August 2020
    Valerie ·
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    Are they even your friends? Wow. I guess just treat them like regular guests then.
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  • Shaina
    Expert October 2020
    Shaina ·
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    Im sorry. Maybe they feel left out? I have a MTOH who is last min but my MOH and other bridesmaids aren't I trusted them to plan a bach party since it is something for me and I felt weird controlling that part.

    I honestly feel like your girls may have felt left out a bit? maybe include them in our DIY's and teach and show them how you want it even if they aren't creative they can learn and be there in the moment with you. Leave the big wedding details to you and Fh though. lol

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  • Molly
    Devoted September 2020
    Molly ·
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    I would reassure them that they only need to worry about showing up on the day of the wedding and the rehearsal dinner. If they still wish to not be a maid of honor ask them if they would like to be bridesmaids. There is no law stating you must have a maid of honor. If the still wish not be in your wedding party then leave them as a normal guest.

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  • Julia
    Savvy October 2020
    Julia ·
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    They both have the tendency to overwhelm themselves over nothing. Which is why I tried to keep as much off their plates as possible. I think we are going with just regular bridesmaids and I won’t have a MOH at all. It’s a bit of a bummer, but oh well.
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