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Expert October 2020

i got stuck with planning

Futuremrsm, on July 7, 2020 at 12:35 PM Posted in Planning 1 11

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So let me start off by saying I wanted a very small wedding. Just a private ceremony with immediate family. My fiance has a big family and insisted we have a large wedding. He said that he thinks I would regret not having a big wedding because "every girl dreams of one". So we've been engaged for almost 2 years because our date was the earliest date our venue had. Having a long engagement is not for me.

But of course there is a lot of planning (and money) that goes into planning a wedding with 150+ people, and im basically doing all of it. Every time I ask FH for help, he always forgets or just doesn't do it. Im beyond frustrated because i didn't want any of this. I personally think what we are spending is ridiculous for one day, and I would have loved to put it toward a house. I just don't think its fair that I'm not the one that wanted this large wedding and now im stuck helping paying for it and basically doing all the planning.
I only care about getting married. I didnt want a big party, i don't want hundreds of people looking at me all day. I just wanted something small and intimate. Im sure I will have fun and I love our families, but i don't really feel excited.
Not looking for advice I just want to vent.

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Latest activity by Rebecca, on July 8, 2020 at 4:20 AM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 7, 2020 at 12:39 PM
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Ah i'm sorry. that does sound frustrating! you're not doing this alone and yet it feels alone. i would sit down with your partner and tell him that you really need support in doing this because you can't and don't want to alone.
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Expert October 2020
Futuremrsm · on July 7, 2020 at 12:41 PM
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I've told him many times that he needs to help because im not the one that wanted this large wedding. He keeps saying that im being picky about stuff and overworrying. For example he said that me trying to figure out transportation for the wedding party was me being too particular. I can't win!
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on July 7, 2020 at 12:42 PM
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I’m sorry you are going through this. This is your special day too and you shouldn’t be feeling like this. Sit down with your FH and explain how you feel and tell him this is taking all of the fun out of a very special day for you. He needs to be supportive and help.
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Expert October 2020
Futuremrsm · on July 7, 2020 at 12:43 PM
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I've tried many times. I just feel so overwhelmed. I just graduated college too and thought I would have a chance to relax but this is ruining it :/
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on July 7, 2020 at 1:10 PM
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I'm so sorry. Honestly, I just would stop planning. If he forgets and doesn't get around to it then the wedding will just be without it. You didn't want the big wedding, but he pushed you into it. Flat out tell him, you want it, you do it. I'll help, but I'm dropping the reigns.
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Super August 2021
Sarah · on July 7, 2020 at 1:13 PM
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Im sorry thats a sucky situation.. The same thing happened to me.. I don't particularly like a lot of attention, but my fiance is a people person who has a lot of family so we are polar opposite of how we want the wedding.. I want micro he wants big, so we compromised and for the ceremony its going to be intimate with only close family.. The reception will be much larger like 150.. Sometimes I get really aggravated having to do all the planning stuff myself, but I take a step back every once and a while and try not to think about anything wedding related for a few days when it gets to be too much.. I used to get angry because the big event is what he wanted not what I wanted and I'm the one putting everything together. But I'm happy we came up with the compromise so we both kind of get our way.
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Devoted September 2021
Cassandra · on July 7, 2020 at 1:18 PM
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I have been in this same situation! I wanted to get eloped in europe and FH wanted a wedding with his large family. I'll be honest, he still hasn't really done any planning for the wedding. However, he does so much for me outside of wedding duties. I also know that I am a over-planner and can do it a lot faster than him. I've just accepted that I am doing this for him (and now me since I'm invested lol).
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Expert October 2020
Futuremrsm · on July 7, 2020 at 1:19 PM
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If the house was clean and he did all of the stuff he was supposed to be doing i wouldn't complain honestly. But he doesn't do his "chores" and then I ask him to do a simple task like call a vendor and he "forgets" like what is he doing then lol
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Devoted September 2021
Cassandra · on July 7, 2020 at 1:23 PM
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Oh girl- I totally feel you. We got in a lot of arguments about it. He's taken on almost all of the house work because that was the same thing I was upset about as well. I've accepted it because I'd personally rather plan than do housework, but I would still be mad if he didn't start helping so much with everything else.
I really hope your FH realizes that you need help! I'm sorry you are going through this. It's super frustrating.
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on July 7, 2020 at 2:16 PM
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It sounds like there are some serious communication issues between you and your future spouse that may have gone unnoticed before wedding planning but are now out in the open. I would put wedding planning on hold and see a couples counselor to work on this as soon as possible.
Edited to add: whoops, I see you said you didn't want advice.
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Master August 2019
Rebecca · on July 8, 2020 at 4:20 AM
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Whenever DH wasn't being helpful enough (and we had pledged to do this together), I all but dropped the planning book on his head.
...You think I'm joking.
Nope!
It takes two to get married, so it takes two to plan. If he isn't grownup enough to plan, he isn't grown enough to get married. And he gets to learn this lesson, now. Ask him what are the most important things to him about the wedding. He has to pick more than one thing.
Great, now they are his things. And if they do not get done, they don't happen at the wedding.
Does he not get the DJ? Cool, he's gotta figure out how to entertain his family, now!
And if he doesn't have anything important other than 150 people there, then that's not a wedding he wants, he wants a family reunion. So, you're getting married at the courthouse!
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i got stuck with planning

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