i feel like she's taking my shibe

I understand how you may feel that now your wedding isn't as big of a priority for her anymore because it isn't and that's okay.

I think the last thing you should do is ask her to not be a part of your wedding or to promote someone else to matron of honor. You could end a 15 year friendship this way.

These titles are for people who you are close to, not based on what they can do for you. Planning your bachelorette party is really all that you should expect from someone and even then, it's not a requirement.

My sister is planning my bachelorette and my matron of honor has absolutely no requirements from me to attend meetings or help me in any way with my wedding.

Okay so the majority on here will tell you that really all she has to do is show up in the dress you pick on the day; these days, that is considered to be her only responsibility unless you specifically asked for more when you officially gave her the title, and I do mean actually had a conversation where she agreed to all of it.

That said, it sounds like she is being a bit childish about things. I would sit down and have an honest conversation with her. Tell her how you are feeling and why. Make it less about her role in your wedding and more about your friendship and your feelings. If she decides that she is unable to take you and your feelings into consideration, it might be time for her to be a bridesmaid, a guest or not there at all. Lay out any future expectations you may have for her and ask her directly if she feels she can handle that with her own wedding coming up which she scheduled, having already known about yours. Stand up for yourself with her but make sure that whatever outcome is worth whatever damage it may do to your friendship.

I don't really have support, I am planning everything myself except the bachelorette. FH helps a bit but honestly I'm a control freak so I don't really want anyone else to help out.

I agree that if she agreed to help you and then went back on her word that's not being a good friend let alone a MOH. Talk to her about how you feel but I would make sure to not ruin your friendship over this.

While it is really childish for her not to want to stand next your sister-in-law, you shouldn't make someone else a matron of honor just because she is helping you more. If you wanted her to be matron of honor then you should have asked to be from the very beginning. While she has made promises to help you, it sounds like she is really busy with her own life and planning her wedding. It is honestly none of your bridal parties responsibility to plan your wedding. If your bridesmaids want to help that is great, but she is obviously too busy. My guess is she doesn't want to let you down so she is making these promises, but she is realizing with planning her own wedding that she isn't able to keep them. I would go on with planning without her because is clearly not able to keep her promises to help. Maybe your sister-in-law or other bridesmaids might want to help, but don't demand that they help you. They might offer on their own. Only one bridesmaid helped me which was my sister-in-law. She would message and call me all the time, but she also has been a bridesmaid 10+ times and worked in the wedding industry so she was used to helping. Not all bridesmaids are this way. My maid of honor (my sister) definitely wasn't. She didn't help one bit. She actually made planning more stressful. She didn't even give a toast at my wedding because she refused so my bridesman (my brother) gave a toast instead. I would be upset too if her wedding was 3 weeks after mine, but you have had a long engagement and she obviously doesn't want as long of an engagement as you have. I know I didn't want that long of an engagement. As much as it sucks that her wedding is so close to yours there is nothing you can do about it. My guess is she didn't plan for it to be that close to yours to upset you. That might have been when the venue was available or maybe she just likes that time of year. Who knows why she picked that date, but she did. My brother-in-law got married 6 weeks after us. I wasn't happy about it because they picked the month we originally planned on getting married. They knew that because we announced that we wanted to get married in September the same day we got engaged and they were there when we got engaged. I always wanted a fall wedding and my sister was supposed to be getting married in October, but she ended up calling off the wedding after we already booked our venue and photographer. We changed our date because I didn't want to get married the same month as my brother-in-law. It also isn't right that she is running it in your face that she has more money to spend on the wedding. We had more money to spend on our wedding than my brother-in-law and his wife, but never once did we make a big deal about it. They knew we had more money to spend because we make more, but weddings shouldn't be a competition on who can spend more money. My mother-in-law tried making it one between us because she told my brother-in-law's wife that our wedding would he more beautiful because we had the money to make it better. I was disgusted by my mother-in-law and felt so bad for my brother-in-law and his wife. When his wife told me what my mother-in-law said I reassured her that she would have a beautiful wedding and not to worry what anyone else would say. I don't think my mother-in-law meant to be hurtful with her comments and I hope your friend isn't purposely being mean. Just remembered that these things happen, but all that is important is that you are getting married to the person you love so rather than hold a grudge against your friend you need to let it go or it will end up ruining your friendship.

I can understand the feeling of frustration of that she is not being as involved as you would like her to be and I think you should express that to her. May I ask why she is getting married 3 weeks after you? I get why you feel she has taken your shine but maybe that is not the case and that is something you are reading into. At the end of the day are your friends and family still focused on your day? If so, that is what matters. Sometimes we are women just want to be loved and maybe she did not want to wait years. I don't know your age but many of my friends once they got older wanted to date and be married within a year because they feel they do not have time to waste. If the main issue is that she is just not being there for you as you would like then like someone else said nicely explain that. Do not ask her to step down but let her come to that conclusion and do not mention her wedding date as that will be taken as you not being a good friend to her. Your 15 years of friendship is most important.