i feel like my boss thinks I'm a nut job

I think taking a mental health day every now and then sounds good though. Especially if you're so overwhelmed it would affect your job duties. Take a break when you need it for your sake, it's ok to

Sounds like you need to have a chat with your parents. You're an adult and you're marrying another adult. Unless they're paying for the wedding, you don't need their input. You shouldn't be planning your own shower in the first place, so if it's stressing you out, drop it. Are you currently in any kind of counseling or therapy? If not, I would look into it. You need to be able to function at work. Your job is going to be around after the wedding is over. Instead of taking a day off from your job, maybe you should take a day (or a week) off from planning.

I have seriously been considering it I mean it is, I'm grumpy I just have so much going on I can't focus and in my job if I mess up it messes up state stuff, drivers licenses and can hurt people, plus I don't like to be rude. I have like over 200+ sick leave, I know I can call in when I need to, but I guess I didn't feel like "I need to breathe today" is a good reason to call in sick. Like I said with me leaving to go find a dress last week and getting upset at work over people putting so much on me, I think she might think I'm crazy and I can't handle my job duties...though I have been here 13 years and I was placed/promoted to this office to help her.

I think taking a day off, and only telling your boss you're taking the day off, would be good. You need a self care day. You need a day to sleep in, to relax, to veg out and do absolutely nothing. I need one of those days too but I planned a vacation in two weeks so I gotta wait it out. 😐

It is definitely time to stop with the stress. A wedding is one day; it's not worth jeopardizing your job for. Plus, worrying about work is just causing more stress, at a time you don't need that.

You shouldn't be planning your own shower. If your parents want to have a big say in your wedding, maybe tell them that they can just go ahead and finish planning it. (I suspect the big things are done, anyway, and you can let the little ones go.) And it's seriously not your job to help them move. If they are buying a house, they can hire movers.

View Quoted Comment Take a day. Prioritize yourself. Mental health is a major reason to take a day off work

You're not alone. Our society/upbringing makes us believe that needing a day to breath is not a valid reason to take off of work, but it is! You've already done the first important step in improving your mental health, which is being open to talk about it. Make the most out of your sick day when you take it; Do all the things you love to do. Spend some time in the sun, go for a walk to get endorphins pumping. If you make the most out of the day, then you won't feel as guilty about missing work. Then you can come back to your job refreshed and focused! I wish you good luck with your future wedding planning endeavors. Just remember, these stressful times will pass.. and then you'll be married!!

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Oh girl trust me I have spoken to them, I get the well we are paying for it, and your mother is sensitive and you will hurt her feelings if you say anything bc she is so excited...yes I have seen counselors and I am one on top of all that. I totally agree I should be able to function at work. I am super pissed off that my Aunt, Cousin and MOH can't do this shower crap and are having me do it...but my aunt is a drinker, my cousin lives in Orlando, and my MOH is having a hysterectomy and has 3 kids...so I was given the task...I ordered, paid for and sent out the invites and they are doing the decorating...I have also been told that I will probably be planning my own bachelorette party if I have one at all. I'm tired.

I think you need a day at the spa and tell no one you are going. Ask off on a Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday and just go have the works done and I think you will feel a little better. Self care is extremely important! Step back and see our weddings are one day but the toll they take on our bodies last way longer. You sound drained physically, mentally, and emotionally and that is not good for yourself.

Your mental state is so important, so please take a break from all the madness if you possibly can!

Are you allowed to play music at your job? I have Anxiety too and music lets me shut down my brain and escape the chaos inside my brain. you’re going through a lot right now, your boss is concerned. Are you close enough that you feel she’d listen to you if you talked to her? You’re normally a great employee otherwise she wouldn’t notice you declining like this.

You don’t have to lay out all your problems but it’s ok if your boss asks if you’re ok to tell her you’re stressed from the wedding. A boss would see it as a temporary problem, not a permanent threat to their business. Only you know how your boss is, but if it were my boss, I’d tell her(I’ve told my own boss similar things, he’s married so he gets it)

I would first stop letting your parents plan everything unless they are paying. Even then, it’s tour day and you should get a lot of the say. If you have the time, take a Monday and Friday off and have a relaxing stress free long weekend. No wedding planning, no drama (or even contact) with the parents. Sleep in, rest, do something that makes you happy. Everyone needs those days.

Give your parents back any money they have contributed, stop telling them anything, and have the wedding you want and can afford. If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to act like an independent adult.

You can't stop them telling you to do things (unless you cut them off, which sounds like it would be a good idea), but in no way do you have to do what they say as long as you don't take their money.

My boss is good at listening and she understands that I am a good employee @Yam. She knows I am stressed, she did let me leave last week to go buy a new dress bc she knew how upset I was. I can play music very very low, but I deal with the public and there are complaints around the office when someone has their music on. So we try to be respectful. Music is normally my out, it calms me and even my FH knows when I am listening to music or have my ear buds in I am needing that time. He will even put on my favorite stuff to help sometimes. He is great.

@everyone about the parents, I am close to them, and being an only child I do what I can to help them bc my dad is older and my mom has a disease where stress makes her sick. So as an only child I give and help as much as I can...unfortunately I get it held over me a little too much and I have voiced it and it upsets them. In the past I have been estranged from them and I do appreciate them but I wish that they wouldn't hold it over my head as much. I do the best I can I am only one person.

I am very thankful I have parents who are doing what they are doing for me, but I'd at least like to talk to them right now, or have an opinion.....hell or even get a sentence out without a lecture.

And who knows maybe I just needed to get it all off my chest here and I'll feel better!

Ugh. I had an entire post typed up and I lost it!!! :-( here's my attempt to recreate it.

I totally understand the feeling responsible for parents. I have a brother, but he treats my mom like garbage so I always feel like I have to make up for it. It has like always just been the 2 of us so I feel a lot of responsibility for her and I feel guilty a lot of the times if I can't do things with or for her. Those are my feelings not hers and she never makes me feel that way, I just do. So I get it. I have no advice. I still feel that way a lot of the times.

Sick days are yours. You errend that time. I do not get to take that time with me when I leave my job, so you bet your but I use it! They offered it, I'm taking it! And when I do take it I say "I'm using a sick day today" and that's it. Nobody needs or deserves to know why your taking it. It's your time. If they wanted to know why I'd find the nastiest Google picture of poop I could find and I'd send it to them. Don't ask me again!

I am really sorry you have to plan your shower. It seems like it is something you really wanted and you care a lot about. I understand your not saying screw it. Make it a great day. You deserve it! If you plan your bachelorette, do something you want. Don't worry about what anyone else wants. If they don't want to do it then don't come!

I really think you should talk to a professional about your anxiety and depression symptoms. Not wanting to get out of bed and being tearful all of time means you might be spiraling. I believe I read that you are on medication. You might just need a little more to get you over the hump. It's ok. You are not a failure and it won't be permanent. Trust me I understand feeling like "but I already take xyz I can't take more" yes you can and you deserve to feel better. You know it is so much harder to get out of a depressive episode then it is to fall into one. It is ok. You are a smart women and you will not let social stigma or fear make you suffer when you don't need to.

Take care of yourself. I HATE when people give me this advice and I can't believe I'm going to say it, but try to exercise and eat better and drink more water. When you take care of your body your mind follows. Your struggling at work, get up and take a 5 minute walk. Just a walk or maybe when you get home. Make a promise to yourself and keep it. You are about to make a huge promise to your FH, you deserve to make a promise to yourself. Carbs/sugar are depressions best friend. When you eat carbs you get a little happy high. Then you crash so you eat more and you crave more,try not to get stuck in that trap. It's so hard to come out of. During my major major major depressive episode I would binge on cereal, like eat a box or 2 in one sitting. I couldn't understand why. It was my bodies way of trying to fight the depression. It turned into a really hard habit to break, so just be mindful.

I'm sorry it was so long and I feel really preachy, but just take care of yourself and use a sick day... Or 5!

@Sara, thank you for that! It wasn’t preachy in my mind at all! You make perfect since. I’m glad someone gets it. I am just that person who is a people pleaser and I do so in my job and work with helping others but helping myself if hard when I’m so deep in it. I don’t like did people to look at me like “omg she has lost it. She can’t function in a high stress area” thing is I can, I have a high stress job and I love it, but when you have your own stuff going on it makes it so much harder to get out of your funk. I have over 200+ sick hours and I rarely take them bc I feel guilty for even really being sick or not going in. I literally get texts from my coworkers in other locations when I’m off like “we need you and omg why aren’t you there” and ask me how to do things. So I feel like damn I might as well be at work. I am just that too nice person always willing to help. And I know my parents aren’t helpless but I do a lot for them and I feel like as an only child it’s my job to do so and to make sure they are taken care of and proud of me. They have put out a lot of money and I get it but it’s like “really?” That being said, my mom did apologize for making me feel so bad and that she knows I’m stressed. It doesn’t fix everything but it helps. I still have decided not to tell them anything else wrong with me that I will handle the rest and if they want to pay fine but I have to put my foot down somewhere.
As for my boss, she may just have to get over it huh? Lol I just wish she was the type of person I could tell “hey look I’m having a hard time right now but I can still do my job!”
Thank you for everything you said!!! And yes chocolate chips cookies are my depression weakness drug. I get it!