i feel like a bad friend

I posted a couple months ago about my MOH backing out because of anxiety and depression issues. I was so worried that I had caused her anxiety over the wedding and was totally fine that she didn’t want to be in it. At the time she also told me weddings stress her out mainly because she is a heavier person, single and in her 40s (that’s me too- until I met fh) and she hates the bouquet toss and feels like everyone is stating at her. I told her I understand and we aren’t doing the garter/bouquet because I always hide in the bathroom when it comes up.
So I still sent her invite hoping she might change her mind she still hasn’t sent it back didn’t even mention getting it. When we talk, I don’t talk about the wedding because I don’t want to be that person that the wedding is all I can talk about. On the other hand, she’s never asks a thing about the biggest thing happening in my life. Back when she was still my MOH, I had wanted to go to Florida a couple days for my birthday and told her the dates. I was planning on coming back on a Saturday to make it to my nephews party. I didn’t know at the time that my mom and girls had planned my shower for the Sunday. She freaked and told me I couldn’t go away and told me it was my shower. I’ve always wanted a surprise party and she ruined that. (Everyone else thinks I was totally surprised 😉) She didn’t have to tell me, I was going to be home in time. I have since found out that when they were all trying to contact her to plan the shower- after early on she was all in for doing whatever was needed and she had told them at some point she was coming to even though she lives 1000 miles away- she ghosted them. She didn’t participate in anything. At the time she was still my MOH. We didn’t have the talk until the Thursday before that she wasn’t going to be in it- which means she had no intention of coming or helping even though she was supposed to be my MOH. I’ve been hurt thinking about it but then on the other hand- I’m running out of hands lol- I haven’t suffered from anxiety and depression like she has so I’m trying to let it go.
The other day we’re talking and she’s all excited about having weight loss surgery. I’m so happy that she wants to make this step and a lot of work goes into it I’ve been behind her the whole time. She tells me they want to schedule her soon but she’d rather do it closer to the end of October because she already had pto for my wedding and never canceled it so she can have more recovery time. I just thought to myself well I guess that’s it, she’s not changing her mind and coming. I’ve been trying so hard to be understanding but i just feel so let down by her. She was supposed to be one of my two best friends but can’t be bothered by what’s big in my life. I’ve flown down for surprise parties for her bday and vacations. I’ve been so excited for her nieces and nephews births. I’ve talked to her about her surgery and the process.
I’m sorry I wrote a book, I guess I just needed to vent. I feel like a complete jerk for being upset 😠