Aidan
Just Said Yes November 2022

i don’t want to have a wedding anymore.

Aidan, on January 14, 2022 at 12:39 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 2 12
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I’ve always envisioned having an amazing wedding day with the one I love, surrounded by our friends and family who would ideally be genuinely happy for us. Since getting engaged, I’ve had to detach from this dream once I saw people’s true natures come forward throughout the planning process. I’m at the point where my fiancé and I don’t even want to have a wedding (it’s 10 months away) and we accepted we’re only doing this to please everyone else. No one seems to care that we’re even engaged, no one has offered to help with planning or throwing us any sort of celebration in any way, there are close family members who haven’t even congratulated us to this day. Aside from that, drama has already occurred in the form of power struggles when it comes to decisions that are only mine and my fiancés to make for our wedding day. We are the ones paying for it, yet family members feel entitled to dictate certain significant aspects of it and are willing us to fight over it. I’m exhausted. I can’t even enjoy being engaged to the love of my life. We’ve booked and paid for a venue and all the vendors but are highly considering canceling it all and doing what we truly want: having it be just the two of us. I WANT to be excited for our big day, and our venue is lovely. But it feels fake and forced now. Advice?



12 Comments

Latest activity by Helen, on January 16, 2022 at 3:20 PM
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    Weddings can truly bring out the worst in people! It's definitely frustrating to deal with. For those who offer unsolicited opinions and/or demand that you do things their way, I would avoid talking about your wedding around those people. If they bring it up, or try to convince you to do something their way, respond with something along the lines of, "Thanks for your input!" and then change the subject.


    Sit down with your fiance and talk about what you each envision for your wedding (all drama aside). If that's a big party with family and friends, continue planning on your current path, though don't share much of your plans with people (if they ask, be non-committal and vague on your answer - "hmm, we're still deciding" or "interesting idea, we'll consider it" or "we're keeping that a surprise"). If your vision is truly just the two of you, then move forward with that plan instead.
    • Reply
  • Josie
    Dedicated October 2022
    Josie ·
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    If you both feel that way, it might be better (and cheaper!) to elope or have a small wedding with only people you truly want there. Or maybe have a small destination wedding and honeymoon right after. It's YOUR wedding and you can celebrate however you want, there are no rules set in stone!

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  • Aidan
    Just Said Yes November 2022
    Aidan ·
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    I really like this advice, thank you for your thoughtful response! If it were up to him and I, we would skip the big wedding. We’re introverts anyways haha
    • Reply
  • Aidan
    Just Said Yes November 2022
    Aidan ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Highly highly considering Hawaii haha we already want to have our honeymoon there
    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Master November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag
    Who are you doing this for at this point? If it doesn’t feel like something you’re doing for yourselves, then don’t do it. Having said that, no-one will ever be as excited about your wedding than you and your fiancé. At 10 months out there’s not much in the way of celebration planning to do yet as well. What were you thinking of specifically?
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    Nobody is as excited about your wedding as you, so plan the wedding that’ll make the both of you happy—nobody else!
    • Reply
  • A
    Savvy March 2022
    Ashley ·
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    @Lisa, this is awesome advice that I wish I had earlier in my engagement when those unexpected questions came up! I may very well still play the “still deciding” card and I’m only a little over two months out :-).
    • Reply
  • Ellen
    Devoted October 2021
    Ellen ·
    • Flag
    I eloped the first time I got married. It was fun to plan, a a lot cheaper as back then we didn’t have the funds anyway. This time around we had a wedding in a favorite restaurant. But we only had family and friends closest to us. 63 people only and it was small and lovely. You could do something very small and it would still be beautiful because it’s about the two of you.
    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Dedicated October 2022
    Andrea ·
    • Flag
    Your big day is all about you TWO!!!!! So at the end of the day, you do what you WANT!!!!! If it’s feeling forced and you’re not excited maybe a big wedding isn’t it. But since you do have the venue paid for and the vendors. Maybe just tell the venue you’re having a smaller wedding and only invite those who are excited and have been there for you both since the beginning.


    I will say, I’m not even having a bridal party. I was so indecisive of having my sister n laws up there with me along my best friend of 20+ years. But I’m not close to any of my sis n laws. (My FH sisters and my brothers wife’s). So I’m just having my best friend up there with me. Also, many people have congratulated us either & ANYTIME - I say something or show something out of excitement- it’s like oh why that, it’s so expensive.. blah blah blah & that’s coming from my OWN MOM!!!!!!!i& I HATE IT!!!!!!!!! So I’ve decided to do my OWN thing for my day and plan and do it as I’ve always imagined for my and FH! Im not letting anymore make anything feel forced or having them do what THEY want!!!!!!
    I wish you alll the best & up all works out the way it’s meant too ♥️
    • Reply
  • Shannon
    Dedicated July 2022
    Shannon ·
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    Agree with Andrea. Now that you’ve put in all of the effort in planning, consider inviting a smaller group excluding those who have not supported you. No one gets to dictate what you should and shouldn’t do.
    Also, you still have 10 months left. Someone could be planning a shower or bachelorette party unbeknownst to you.
    • Reply
  • Maya
    Just Said Yes February 2023
    Maya ·
    • Flag
    I’m in the same boat. Even though I can never follow my own advice, the best advice is to do what makes you happy. It’s your life so live how you choose. You live life for others and you can’t make everyone happy at the end of the day. Follow your heart. And congratulations, even though I don’t know you, it always makes me happy seeing others happy. So happy for you and your fiancé and I hope everything turns out great for you both! May you have the best wedding day ever!!!!
    • Reply
  • Helen
    Savvy March 2022
    Helen ·
    • Flag
    As someone who is two months out from their wedding, it doesn’t get any easier with invasive people. They are going to continue to to insert themselves into your plans. So if you really are considering eloping I say do it now while you can and aren’t too far along. I 100% wish my fiancé and I stuck to our guns about eloping and not having a huge wedding.


    BUT if you’ve always dreamed about having a wedding, and it’s only the drama that is making you change your mind then you have to persevere and do what you want. It means setting a few more boundaries (respectfully if it’s family that is inserting themselves) and I found that when I answer firmly about what we’re doing it offers less room for people to give their opinions. but if you say we’re thinking about it or still considering our options it can sound like you’re open to advice. So if you say well we both decided we are doing this it leaves less room (hopefully) for people to try to change your mind.
    I definitely support eloping, but that’s my opinion. And you should do what you want and if that’s the wedding then there will still be unsolicited opinions and such but you can find ways to respectfully shut them down.
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