i dont want to go to my brothers wedding...

Will you regret this? No one knows the answer to that.

Dont go but understabd the message that sends.

View Quoted Comment Honestly, the only way Ill regret it is if she continues this whole charade in spite of us not going to the wedding. It's quite a stressful life. My own girlfriend doesnt want to invite them to our future wedding because of the negative vibes and tension they bring.

Sounds eeerily close to the turmoil my brother/his wife caused in my family - complete with the threats to my parents they would never see the kids again.

I went to my brother's wedding. I'll be honest, it was hurtful to my parents and myself. My brother ignored his own family, my sil complained I was trying to upstage her (I was a 20 yo college kid in a $20 dress) and she made digs at my families expense that were deeply hurtful. It's been 17 years since that wedding, and things haven't gotten better. My mom just said to me the other day she wishes she could go back and erase that day.

I don't have any advice for you other than to do what you feel right. If you go, you may feel uncomfortable about it and have the feelings like my parents continue to express nearly 2 decades later. And if you don't go, you may not have regret, but it may further strain your relationship with your brother. Best of luck.

You should go. Whether you like her or not, approve of her or not, you should still go. At the end of the day that is YOUR brother and his family should be there to represent him no matter what. It's ok to let it be known you don't like her but at least she knows he always has family backing him up no matter what. You shouldn't go to a family member's wedding based on whether or not you agree with it. You're not the one spending your life with her. It's selfish of you if you don't go. Go support your brother and let him know you're there because you love him not because you agree with his choice.

View Quoted Comment The issue with that is that the feud is not only with her, its with my brother as well. He causes just as many issues in the family (and with my other brother and I especially) as she does. I give them props for inviting us despite the fact that it's almost to the point of all of us hating each other, but they've also lied straight to our faces multiple times, so I'm sure they're just trying to look good to my mom.

View Quoted Comment I understand it may be selfish, but it's to the point where I dont want to invite them to my wedding.

It sounds like you have your mind made up here. Even those that have suggested you go, you still have reasons not to. Do you want us to convince you, or do you just want support in saying no?

I think it comes down to if you want either or them or their children in your life after the wedding. Not attending pretty much cuts them all off. Which if that’s what you want is totally fine, just because someone is family doesn’t mean they automatically get a place in your life. However if you want to be involved with them or their kid, I’d go.

I don't know enough about the situation to let you know what I would do. If it were me, I think I would go and I would invite them to my wedding. I don't get along with one of my fiance's five sisters and I invited her to my upcoming wedding. She might not show. She might cause a scene. She might stay quiet and glare at me the whole time. She might a good guest and have a great time. I'm happy with giving her the option to choose.

On the flip side, I have a friend who regrets inviting their sister to the wedding. She can be a mean drunk and got kicked out by 8pm. It was a party of 50 people and she made quite the spectacle everyone noticed.

I don't believe in arguments where one person is wrong and the other person is right, because it's all perspective. I don't believe in right or wrong choices either. We all make a choice and all choices have consequences.

View Quoted Comment I guess I'm just looking for good reason on why I should. The fact that he's my brother just really isn't enough for all that he has done (and I know that that should be a convincing factor for me). I know you all dont know the whole story, but trust me before she came along the entire family was wonderful. Now its basically torn to pieces. I guess I'm just not sure if I'm ready to forgive them yet, they've let this feud go for 2 years, and have made our lives a living hell.

Just know that if you don’t go, and if you don’t invite him and his wife to your wedding, that may be the end of any relationship you have with him. Obviously that will also impact your ability to have any kind of relationship with your future niece/nephew. As long as you’re comfortable with that possibility, it’s fine if you don’t go.

View Quoted Comment I really appreciate your response. It gives me a good perspective on this situation. It does sound eerily similar! She is the exact type of person to think I'm trying to upstage her, along with the fact I'd be getting dirty glares all night because her entire family and all of her siblings hate us due to all the lies she has told them. The thing with her is also that we have tried to play nice multiple times and each time she still turns around and finds a reason to be mad at us again (and let me just say none of those reasons are valid, she makes them up in her head). I'll think alittle more on it, but I'm glad there is someone who has had a similar situation so I can hear how it turned out!

This is something you'll have to decide on a personal level. Are you going to regret not going later , if one day you all make up?

I hadn't to talked to my younger sister in 3 years prior to my wedding. I still invited her, she still came. She got blackout drunk and vomited all over the bathroom and had to be babysat the rest of the night. But I don't regret my decision.

View Quoted Comment You're much nicer than I am. I feel like if one of them did that at my wedding I would very much regret inviting them. I guess everyone is different though.

My brother and I don’t talk for similar reasons. His wife is drama and thrives on it. She just about tore my family apart at one point, including my elderly grandmother In Her drama. I have cut all ties and the only thing I miss are my niece and nephews. (Her step kids that she refused to allow in her house.). All that to say, if you don’t go, it makes a big statement about you to the people there. I wouldn’t blame you for not going but be willing to cut ties. In my situation it was the best thing I could do, I love my brother but I have to love him from afar because I can’t live my life in chaos. He is not invited to my wedding, I didn’t even consider it. I know this is hard so I wish you the best in whatever you choose.

Sounds VERY similar to my family... I ended up not being invited to my brothers wedding. Maybe you'll get lucky. I realize blood is thick, but I don't want to invite my brother either. I have found the older I get the less tolerant I am of people's behavior.

This is a decision only you can make. If it was me, I'd probably go just to go, and not engage them if there is drama.

View Quoted Comment

HI! I'm curious if you attended the wedding or not, and what the result was!

View Quoted Comment

HI! I'm curious if you attended the wedding or not, and what the result was!

An invitation is not a summons.