i don't want my step-sister's kids at my wedding...

Hmm...allowing only wedding party and out of town guests bring their kids, can be an option. However, I personally would feel a little weird saying some kids are welcome, but some aren't. I'm sure you want your Dad and step mom to be able to relax and enjoy your wedding, but it is ultimately their decision on how much they help your step sister out. I agree though, that a talk with your Dad couldn't hurt. Let him know how you feel, and get his input.

Yeah, it sounds like this is a conversation you need to have with your dad. I don't think it's acceptable to invite some family kids and not others. I especially think it will become an issue if you have your niece in the wedding and choose to exclude your "step" nieces and/or nephews entirely. If you have a good relationship with them, your stepsister may use this to keep them away from you.

I would recommend not having any kids unless their in the wedding. Not sure about your family dynamics, but I have about ten first cousins age 2 to 11. It would cause drama if I invited some and not the others because they would get butt hurt and jealous.

*they’re not their

We are allowing out of town family members to bring their children. Most are 6+ and are well behaved, so I don’t have a problem with it. Maybe you can consider hiring a babysitter for the wedding, and all the kids can be in a separate area and managed by someone else, so it’ll ease the burden on your dad? It’s something we considered, but we are confident the kids will be successfully managed by their parents, it’s a little different situation than yours! We will still provide some crayons and coloring books for the kids during the ceremony to keep them occupied, but are trusting the parents to manage them afterwards. We have a big venue with a lot to see, so maybe we have it easier than you do.

You can also say only the kids in the wedding or part of the wedding party allowed

Do you have a good relationship with your step sister? If so, I would just have a kids free wedding and supply child care if anyone has to bring their kids or give the parents options for childcare. It will cause a problem I'm sure if you tell the step sister no and other people yes.

We are only allowing wedding party kids and kids over the age of 10

I would say invite kids or don't. Not both. It's a hard decision but I don't think it's fair to invite some but not all.

It’s hard to pick which kids are allowed and which aren’t. We are only allowing our nieces and nephews (3 kids total) but no cousins or friend’s kids. It might be best to only allow kids who are in the wedding to come and no one else. Choosing which kids can come and which can’t can cause lots of tension and unnecessary drama.

My brother and SIL are the same way, they have 3 boys (current ages 2 months - 6 years). We are lucky and have a separate small room across the hall from our reception room where we will set the kids up with a babysitter so my parents don't get stuck on childcare duty when my brother and SIL pull one of their disappearing acts and the kids can still be as much a part of the festivities as they want.

Originally, we wanted to invite all kids but after doing some thinking determined that some of the parents would not be paying attention to their kids throughout the ceremony and reception. We came to the conclusion that the only kids allowed at our wedding will be our flower girl (age 4 at the time of the wedding), our ring bearer (age 6 at the time of the wedding), and their newest baby sister who will be about 1 year by the time we get married. All three of them are my FH's cousin's children and they are very well behaved. The majority of the family will have a great time with them around and to provide the parents some relief, we are inviting their babysitter as well so they have someone they're familiar with looking after them.

As others have mentioned, I would think about hiring a babysitter for those children in attendance.

Don't rely on people saying they'll take their kids home after the ceremony/dinner. I was told that about 4 kids under the age of 5 and ended up stepping one of their hands at like midnight. Also, your issue with the stepsister using our dad and stepmom is your dad and stepmoms problem not yours. They need to set boundaries.

I think this is a really touchy situation. We have many friends and family with children and it would have driven our guest list numbers way up. However, we have three kids of our own, and also wanted my one niece there.. so we made all four of them a part of the wedding (which was the plan anyways), and are just saying wedding party kids only.

So, if you're not having any kids attend or just those taking part in the wedding, how do you make this clear to the guests? I'm afraid some people will still bring kids even though the invite is addressed to "Mr and Mrs...". Is there a polite way to include a card in the invites that says no kids, please? Or is this tacky?

I think you are mentally taking on a responsibility that isnt yours.

Your step sister is the one who decides how relaxing and joyful her day is not you. You sound like you trying too hard to control things you are powerless over.

Frankly not inviting her kids for the reason you described seema rude.