I’m kind of just venting here because I just don’t know what to do. I have been very independent my whole life. I have two older siblings who my mom seems to help financially all the time. She paid for both my sister and brothers weddings but when I asked her 2 weeks ago if she was able to help at all or if there was something maybe she would like to pay for she said she could maybe give me $1000 but maybe not. I was nice and just said that’s fine if you can’t no big deal. My parents are divorced now and both remarried and she is so concerned with how much my dad is going to give me. Which he is giving me $5000 and he told me to tell my mom that. Well fast forward to last week I called to reminder to her book a hotel if she needs one because they are filling up. She asked about my dress and I told her I already ordered one she was upset and said the mother of the bride is suppose to be there and help. I made excuses that I had to get it ordered ASAP because the wedding is in 5 months! Which is 100% true but also I didn’t want her there. She has called me fat so many times in my life we don’t agree on any style of clothing and I already don’t feel pretty in a dress so I just couldn’t handle the negativity. She now is talking about when i hiring a hair and make up person she would like them to do her as well....well the thing is I don’t want her in the bridal suite with me. She is a HEAVY smoker and of course she won’t smoke in the suite but she smells so bad of smoke after I don’t want the whole bridal suite to smell like smoke. I can’t used the excuse the suite isn’t big enough because it’s huge! I just will not be able to relax with her up there and she will complain about every little thing. I don’t even want pictures of her zipping up my dress. We don’t have that kind of relationship and it would make me very uncomfortable. I would ask if anyone has a nice way to tell her I don’t want her in the bridal suite but I know that’s not possible. Do I just give in and have to deal with it? This is stressing me so much
“Mom, with our current timeline our hair and makeup artist cannot accommodate you.” It sounds like your mom has been very nasty to you and it’s totally fine for you to set boundaries with her. Don’t worry about her feelings- worry about your own.
I think not having your mother in your bridal suite is 100% a boundary that you can (and likely should) set based on your relationship with her. You should probably be ready for her to have a negative reaction but I would go ahead and try to get that out of the way earlier rather than later.
I would probably say something along the lines of "I know you want to be with me in the bridal suite, but I prefer to just have my bridal party with me while I'm getting ready."
If you're new to setting boundaries (which I certainly am) Nedra Glover Tawwab is a therapist / author that shares a lot of content on her social media platforms about how to set a boundary, reasonable boundaries to set, and what to do when someone continually violates your boundaries.
Hey I have a mom similar to yours first off hugs and second off I bet you look lovely in your dress I would say things like due to strict guidelines and time frames we can’t accommodate you and then say you want your dress to be a surprise and see it when your walking down the aisle