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Devoted October 2018

i don't want a bachelorette party anymore (too many problems)

Mrsjacoria2018, on August 1, 2018 at 10:43 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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So my maid of honor disappeared for about 2 weeks. She ignored all my messages and calls. We have been needing to get a solid date for the bachelorette party so people can start saving the date and planning. I finally got her to call and said she cant plan or attend my party due to work (fine).
I already expected it. So I have some rooms reserved at a place I really want to go, it's very inexpensive and charming.

Call up my other best friend and she says to please reschedule it because she can't go because she has birthday plans that weekend.
Her birthday is the weekend before so I ask if she could please have her birthday closer to her birthday.
The problem (I found out) is there is a new guy she wants to spend her birthday with. A guy I do not know yet so she has not made it official or else I would know him. And that guy cannot go the weekend of her birthday. Or the weekend after my party. I guess he is busy and cant change his plans. So she would rather change my plans.

I wouldnt mind changing my plans, but this was my plan b that I booked a month ago. And when i booked them there was nothing else available in August September or October. Only that weekend.

So now she wants to change my plans. Fine. I said she could try to do something else.

But not only does she want to change my date. She wants to change it to san fran. (I've never been interested in or have liked san fran) I LOVE San Diego.
(Let me take this moment to say she and two of my friends who I want at my party live in san diego)

I just feel like giving up and not having a party at all.

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Mrsjacoria2018, on August 1, 2018 at 11:42 AM

Master January 2019
FutureMrsKC · on August 1, 2018 at 10:55 AM
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You shouldn't be planning your own party and you shouldn't be asking bridal party to work around you. If they want to throw you one they will when it works for them. I'd step back and let it slide. It sounds a little selfish to ask your BMs to change their plans and have a party in honor of you. If you don't get one then oh well. Its not the end of the world and I'd rather have no party than have bridesmaids who are annoyed with me for making them change their plans for me.
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Champion November 2016
LB · on August 1, 2018 at 10:59 AM
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Wow I can't imagine someone to change when they're celebrating their birthday. That's pretty ballsy.
IMO, you prob should have cancelled the party when MOH said she wouldn't be able to plan one, No one else stepped up, so it's kinda just life. This extra drama is kinda your own doing...
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Master 0000
Judith · on August 1, 2018 at 11:10 AM
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You should not be planning a party For yourself. And those who volunteer to host decide how many guests, and location. And you either say, no thank you, or yes. But you do not negotiate things you think are better. You may plan just the party you want, invite the guests you want, at the time and location set by you, rather than attend a bachelorette thrown for you. I did. But I paid every expense, except gas as within an hour dive for all. I picked up the room rental, meals served at the mini-resort, all the tickets for a comedy club one night and a concert the next, and groceries for non-restaurant meals we cooked. They paid for any shopping they did, and for coffee of lunches when out in local town. If you want, plan a party with all the work of getting people to agree on dates. Pay any flight or transportation costs airport fees, lodgings, and any planned special events, yourself, without any collecting from anyone else. But expecting to control plans for others throwing a party for you, in any way, is considered quite impolite. And it is probably why your bm don't much care about planning, or committing your time. People rarely extend themselves for anyone they see as self focused or controlling.
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Devoted September 2019
Gell · on August 1, 2018 at 11:16 AM
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Given that you said you don't want a bachelorette anymore, it sounds like it will work best for all concerned.
One of the downsides to getting involved in planning a party in your own honor, is that you also get to be party to the drama.
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Devoted December 2018
M.M. · on August 1, 2018 at 11:16 AM
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This stinks because you may want to party with your girls but if they don’t make the plans then you don’t get to party. I would just take myself out to the beach in San Diego and relax. Pamper yourself hassle free.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on August 1, 2018 at 11:18 AM
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Can you just keep your reservations and she won't go?
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Dedicated October 2018
FutureMrsR · on August 1, 2018 at 11:29 AM
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Despite what everyone says on here, I think it is fine to plan your own bachelorette party. As long as you are not throwing the party for the purpose of getting gifts from people, which is not the purpose of a bachelorette party. Google "can a bride plan her own bachelorette party?" the answer you get is yes... it is not as taboo as the people on here make it seem. I have been kept in the loop with my own party about what/when/where/who etc. and it has been stressful trying to coordinate so many adult schedules so I understand your frustration. Just try to remember that this is supposed to be a fun party that should relieve some of the stress from your wedding planning. Maybe you can do this that you have planned with whoever is able to go and maybe just don't call it your official bachelorette party, then pick the date and activity that everyone can make it to and call that your official bachelorette party. This way you still get to do what you want to do but you also have the day with all of your girls. Good luck!
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Devoted October 2018
Mrsjacoria2018 · on August 1, 2018 at 11:42 AM
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Ya, I dont want gifts.

And I also wasnt really expecting them to cover my expenses. I'm also concerned that they aren't filling thinking this through. San fran can be very expensive. And I know all of the best spots in San Diego. But you guys are right. I'll just let then plan whatever they want to, if they want to I'll just go along.
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