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Just Said Yes October 2018

i don’t know what to do

Rkfowler, on March 5, 2018 at 10:47 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 21

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So I am in a rock and a hard place. I know what etiquette says I should do but I don’t know if I should do it or not.

Here is the story, a few months ago a coworker/someone I thought was a close friend started acting completely different. We used to go out to lunch all the time and hang out after work almost on a weekly basis. Then randomly one week she stopped talking to me, I’d ask about going out to lunch and she’d say she’s too busy and I would find her going out to lunch with others, and I caught her lying to my face. Today I caught her talking bad about me to some coworkers.

She has a save the date but I don’t want someone who is that much of a b***h at my wedding. My fiancé agrees and doesn’t want her there either. He said I just shouldn’t send the invite, but etiquette says I should send her one.

HELP!

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21 Comments

Latest activity by Allison, on March 6, 2018 at 8:50 PM

Champion August 2017
Mrsbdg · on March 5, 2018 at 10:55 PM
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Do you work closely together? Do you ever wish to repair the friendship? Will fracturing the relationship affect your professionally?
If all are no, you can break etiquette and just face the repercussions of feeling awkward for coming off as "rude."
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Just Said Yes October 2018
Rkfowler · on March 5, 2018 at 11:01 PM
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At this point I don’t want to. I have been trying for months to repair the friendship to no avail. Not having this person as a friend anymore wouldn’t affect anything professionally.
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Super July 2018
Mags · on March 5, 2018 at 11:03 PM
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What Mrs.BdeG said.
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Dedicated November 2018
Tarin · on March 5, 2018 at 11:09 PM
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I wouldn’t send one.
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Just Said Yes October 2018
Rkfowler · on March 6, 2018 at 12:08 AM
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What do I say or do? Just don’t say anything and go about planning?
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Super August 2019
Bianca · on March 6, 2018 at 1:04 AM
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That’s what I would do. If she ever confronts you, you should just tell her the truth that you caught her in lies and disrespecting you, therefore you didn’t want that kind of negativity at your wedding.
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Expert September 2019
Anna · on March 6, 2018 at 6:51 AM
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In my opinion, I would not send one at this time. It wouldn’t be rude of you since she basically cut you off and is refusing to explain herself. I hope things work out for the best for you.
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Super September 2019
An · on March 6, 2018 at 9:14 AM
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You still have some time. I would hold off but everything @MrsBdeG said is right when it comes to sending them out.
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Expert July 2017
SaraBear · on March 6, 2018 at 9:14 AM
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If it will directly and negatively affect your work relationship, I would and she probably won’t come. This only applies if she’s your boss or a person you have to collaborate with often. In all her other cases, I wouldn’t. If you caught her lying and talking bad about you, doubtful the friendship is going to continue anyways. I wrote a post on this before but I had a friend who also changed and I invited her out of obligation and she ruined several of my pre-wedding events and I had friends watching her at my wedding. Looking back, it wasn’t worth it.
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Super May 2019
LaraLouM · on March 6, 2018 at 12:24 PM
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Have you asked her what happened to make her start doing x, y, and z?
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Just Said Yes October 2018
Rkfowler · on March 6, 2018 at 1:11 PM
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I’ve tried but she won’t give me the time of day.
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Expert May 2019
Sydney · on March 6, 2018 at 1:16 PM
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Ultimately it's your wedding and you won't want bad blood there if you've done all you can to fix the situation. I'd give her up until the time you send the invites to try and repair things on her end, but if she hasn't by then, I personally wouldn't invite her. Sorry you're stuck in this situation.
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Super August 2019
Future Louie · on March 6, 2018 at 1:25 PM
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Like PP's said, I wouldn't send an invite if you have no desire to mend things.
But I also wanted to pop by to let you know you may want to change your username, I don't think you'd want your email out on display like that
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July 1993
WED18 · on March 6, 2018 at 1:28 PM
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For lurkers - this is why you don't send STD's to everyone on your potential guest list. Only send to OOT relatives and very close friends/family. Some people only send to OOT family as a heads up so they can make travel arrangements. STD's are not even necessary, but if you do them proceed with caution to avoid issues like the OP is going through.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on March 6, 2018 at 5:57 PM
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I wouldn't invite her. She isn't being nice to you on purpose, and clearly doesn't care if you see her being mean. I can't imagine she would be surprised if she wasn't invited after behaving like that.
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VIP October 2018
Kaye · on March 6, 2018 at 6:07 PM
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Yeah. I would not send an invite
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Super September 2018
Janel · on March 6, 2018 at 6:25 PM
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I wouldn’t invite her but I also think I would have tried to talk to her when I felt things were off between us.
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Master July 2018
Cuoghi · on March 6, 2018 at 6:50 PM
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Yep this 100%
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Just Said Yes October 2018
Rkfowler · on March 6, 2018 at 8:48 PM
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Thank you. I fixed it.
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Expert October 2018
Allison · on March 6, 2018 at 8:50 PM
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I've never thought about this before. Thank you.
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