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Beginner May 2019

i don't know what to do.

Mia, on May 28, 2019 at 9:20 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 13

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Our neighbor sent her sick kid to our house to play with our kids without saying a word about her being sick. They had a stomach bug. The day before our wedding our son was sick. The morning of our wedding our daughter got sick and so did I. I had to spend my wedding day puking with diarrhea. We had to rush through the key moments bc I was sick. I didn't even get to wear my dress that long bc of it and I'm super upset now. We didn't get an apology or anything from her. My husband took the dad to the side and told him about us being sick bc of it and he tell my husband that he was sorry and he didn't know she was at our house. He was working, otherwise I think he would've kept their daughter home. Their kid asked me what was wrong and I told her she got me sick. So the mom just said "Oh girl you know our kids play together so when one has it they all do". No apology what so ever. I told her "a heads up would've been nice". She said "the kids knew". I said "I didn't" and turned away bc we were fixing to cut our cake which I immediately had to rush to the restroom after. They left as I guess she got upset. I wasn't rude at all and I could've been. I refuse to say our wedding was ruined as it was a beautiful ceremony but our reception wasn't near what it should've been. I had to change in to another dress in which the strap had broke bc my dress was too much to wear with being sick. We will never get that day back. Would it be wrong of me to expect at a minimum an apology? My husband was so upset on our wedding day and I was just trying to make the best of it. But now that it's over I am super upset.

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13 Comments

Latest activity by Jolie, on May 29, 2019 at 1:36 PM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on May 28, 2019 at 9:23 AM
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I would be upset as well, but there's really nothing you can do here. If she's not sorry, you can't make her apologize. Even an apology isn't going to give you a redo. I would try to focus on the positives and move on.
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on May 28, 2019 at 9:25 AM
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I don’t think it’s wrong to want an apology. I think it was inappropriate for you to tell a child it was their fault for getting you sick though. It wasn’t her fault, it was her mother’s for not giving you a heads up or keeping her kid at home. I also don’t think you can demand an apology. You have clearly let both the mother and father know that you were sick because their child had the stomach bug. You got an apology from the husband, but I wouldn’t anticipate the wife is suddenly going to apologize if she hasn’t yet.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on May 28, 2019 at 9:41 AM
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I'm petty so my kids would not be going back to her house.
But that being said I think you did all you could do and if didn't apologize then she never will.
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VIP June 2019
Formerbride · on May 28, 2019 at 10:16 AM
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I agree with Caytlyn. I'm so sorry that this happened to you!
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Devoted August 2019
Ali · on May 28, 2019 at 10:17 AM
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I would want an apology but at the end of the day it's not going to change what happened and it doesnt sound like you will be getting one. At this point I think you just have to move on.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on May 28, 2019 at 10:27 AM
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While I do think it was inconsiderate of the mother, perhaps she didn’t realize how sick her kids were, her kids had only a mild strain, or perhaps she thought they were past the contagious phase. I’m sure she didn’t *intend* to get you & your kids sick for your wedding.

My hubby’s best man got him sick. The best man was sick when he came over several days before our wedding to help pack/transport some boxes (with DIY decor) for our DW. Should he have at least told my husband, or maybe not hugged him or gotten too close? Sure. But anyhoo, hubby got sick two days before our wedding (we had an almost break-up fight because we were both stressed & he too sick to think clearly), rallied like a champ for our wedding night, and was sick/in bed almost our entire expensive mini-moon. It got worse when we got back (I got it too) and we were on two rounds of antibiotics. Worst flu/cold ever and it was also a problem in our area. My hubby jokingly blames his best man for this but knows it wasn’t intentional.

I totally get your disappointment! But maybe you & your family can get dressed again and retake some wedding photos?
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Dedicated October 2021
Robert · on May 28, 2019 at 10:35 AM
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You can't force her to apologise... but you still deserve an apology, She might be genuinely embarrassed about the situation- it'd be horrible to feel that you'd ruined someone's special day- so I'd give her a while and see if she's willing to make up rather than just assume she doesn't care.
It's good to focus on the positives, though-- there must still be a lot of happy memories of your wedding to last you forever!
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on May 28, 2019 at 11:39 AM
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The mother definitely should apologize to you! I hate when people do stuff like that because it's so selfish, whether intended or not!
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Master May 2021
Cristy · on May 28, 2019 at 1:21 PM
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Yeah, this is pretty much how I feel. The mother knew you were getting married in a few days, right? She also knew her kid was sick.
We (my daughter and me) kept my granddaughter out of preschool 2 days last week, because we knew she was sick (contagious) and didn't want her to give it to everyone. Technically, she could have gone, because she wasn't running a fever or vomiting. It was just a really bad cold. But, again, we didn't want to expose her to all the other kids, so we kept her home. Too bad this mom doesn't have that kind of common sense. I mean, I get what she said about the kids playing together, so they were more likely to get it than not. But when you know someone is getting married in a couple days, you don't deliberately expose them to a flu/cold. That's very bad friending, imo. Sorry you had to go through that. But good job on getting through the misery to still have a nice wedding. You deserve a very humble apology from that mother.
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Super December 2021
Casey · on May 28, 2019 at 6:40 PM
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I strongly agree with Sarah and Pirate, it was very inappropriate to tell the child herself that she got you sick (for several reasons) and that is was almost definitely not intentional.
You said you weren't rude but that definitely sounds like a very rigid conversation. I don't blame you for it but just saying I see why they left. If it really was just the mother being oblivious then she likely was thrown off by this and became very embarrassed or ashamed (or both!) Which honestly? May be a good thing because I don't mean to sound like I'm not on your side, I am, and a little newfound self awareness could be good for her.
However, as others said, you might not get an apology. Do I think you deserve one? Yes. Do I think what she did was unbelievably rude and pretty brainless & thoughtless? Yes. Unfortunately, she either doesn't think she owes you an apology or is withholding one for some reason (embarrassed/shame/other?) Even more unfortunately, it may not even make you feel better. I'm sorry this happened to you, I really am, and I hope with time it can become almost humorous when it's no longer painful. Until then, try and let it go, enjoy your marriage, and know that while you were having a bit of a rough time that no one likely noticed anything amiss (if that helps?)
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VIP June 2019
MIWM · on May 28, 2019 at 7:45 PM
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I would have been upset too. An apology would be nice. I will say maybe the mother did realize how sick her child was.
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Expert May 2010
Theresa · on May 28, 2019 at 11:27 PM
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I don't think it matters if the mother knew "how sick" her child was. To be blunt, you have to be a real a-hole to send your sick child, no matter how sick, over to play when you know there is a wedding, or ANY special event, happening in the next few days.
I highly doubt you'll be getting an apology, but I would certainly not count this person among my friends anymore. I would also frown on the children playing together any longer.
Part of my reaction may be because I'm a germophobe who practically quarantines myself when I'm sick. I don't expect others to go that far, but come on! She KNEW your wedding was taking place. I don't have room in my life for people who don't think about anyone but themselves.
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Master October 2019
Jolie · on May 29, 2019 at 1:36 PM
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Same. I wouldn't let my kids play with them anymore. If she didn't see it as a problem or something to be sorry about there isn't much to do. It's a shame. Yes kids get sick from kids all the time. But she didn't have to let her kid come over when she knew you were getting married. She didn't want to take accountability. I am sorry you had to be sick on your wedding day.
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