I think I am getting ready to leave this group...I am/was supposed to get married in July. This is LONG...I'm sorry.
I have already paid for the wedding (just me, my money, no contributions from boyfriend/fiancé or anyone else) I paid venue in full, rings, dress, photographer, officiant, etc and none of it is refundable.
I'm no longer sure. My boyfriend /fiancé is 'acting up' again and I think he is 'cheating' or thinking about/planning to cheat.
He has had at least one 'sexting' relationship that I know of - two years ago with a girl he worked with who was younger than him. When I caught him he immediately quit that job and stopped the 'relationship.' I watched the phone records for a while and believe that he did end it. I let it go.
Lately he has been on his phone a lot and is being very secretive. Last night we were in bed together and supposed to be watching Netflix but he was hunched over his phone. I said, 'Give me the phone' and he threw a fit and wouldn't give it to me. After I got up he must have cleared everything off of it and then handed it to be about 10mins after I asked for it. All of his text messages had been deleted but there were topless 'boob' pics on it - I dont know if they were from someone he knows or just something he found on the internet. He said they were on the internet, but he has lied about this in the past so who knows. I decided to sleep in a different bed last night (we have 10 bedrooms - b&b) and I think I will continue to sleep there at least until I figure this out.
Do I think he is physically cheating or has? I don't know. He works almost all day shifts at a local grocery store. Evening shifts are only until 730pm when they do happen. I usually drive him to work and pick him up unless he gets rides from someone at work (we share a car) He always comes home. He is with me every single night. There was a period of time about a year ago when he was just taking the car to work. His job is less than 10miles round trip and when the gas was disappearing too fast I started watching the mileage. He was putting about 50 miles a day on the car for a 10 mile drive to and from work. I questioned him and he said he was driving around on his breaks - I didn't believe him but I let it go.
I work at home (b&b, bakery, retail shops - house is huge) so Im here almost all the time so he isnt having people over, at least not often. Im about to go back to a full time job outside the house - which would make it easier for him to have people over.
Other things that are 'different' - he has been wanting sex a lot more often. I thought it might be because I had lost a lot of weight and he was more attracted to me - but I now think that there is someone else he has his eye on and is thinking about them while he is having sex with me.
I'm 16yrs older than him and I have body issues (have been overweight/obese my entire life and have had multiple children close together). I have lost 60lbs so far for the wedding (and also to be healthier and feel better) and I am wearing a size 4...I look 'normal' size with clothes on, but have hanging skin and lots of stretch marks (I originally lost 175lbs 12yrs ago but over 10yrs put 75-80 back on...losing that now). I lift weights and have muscle definition but there is no way to fix the skin without surgery and no way to fix the stretch marks - so I will NEVER be 'hot'. I also have a very small rack/chest - wearing an A-B cup which is a solid A when I am lifting weights. He is young and has a nice body. He has never been overweight in his life (still not sure what he is doing with me).
Winters here are really bad for us (this is our 3rd one here) The house is very large and very expensive to live in. The heating bill is $2000 month (to heat to 50degrees) and electric is another $1000 month during the winters. And then there are the ridiculous taxes, water, etc. Im planning to liquidate in the spring and sell the house. There is a lot of stress and misery during these 5-6mos (hence getting out of here).
So, I honestly don't blame him for whatever is going on and I understand. It took me a long time (my whole life I guess) to find him - I dont want to regret leaving him - but I dont want to regret staying either.
