i do not want my step dad at my Wedding!!!

I sort of can relate to this, although my situation is a bit different. My mom has a boyfriend who now lives at her house. My mom of course wants him at my wedding, but I don't want him there. The last time we talked about this, I told her I can not say yes or no yet, but I let her know that I don't want him there. He caused a lot of problems within our family, and now my brother and sis in law are not talking to her, all because of him. She can't see what's wrong with him at all, and people warned her about him, including me. I still go to my mom's house on special occasions, but I don't have conversations with him. The most I do is say hi. I just deal with this because of my mom.

I talked to my FH about this, and he told me not to invite him if I don't want him there. and just like what you said, I don't want to take pictures with him as well! I don't want him in any of our pictures. I don't want my day ruined.

If you don't invite him to your wedding, I feel like your mother will not be coming as well. Are you able to handle that? I would talk to her calmly and explain your side to her. But it is highly likely that she wouldn't want to go without him based on what you said.

Don’t invite him. I’m not inviting my dad for reasons that are unrelated to yours. But one thing I can relate on is the negative energy that’ll be brought to my wedding if I was to invite him. It’s like a family feud, plus he told me he does not want to talk to me anymore over something petty. That goes to show you that he isn’t a real father. We never had a relationship actually, wasn’t just trying to start one 2 years ago.

But don’t invite anyone to your wedding because this is supposed to be one of the best days of your life. Why have this great day ruined by a person that don’t even matter to you. Just be upfront with your mom & say that you’re not inviting him. She has no right to be upset because she know a relationship between you 2 doesn’t even exist ! I wouldn’t worry too much about her not attending because you’re her daughter, and this is a once in a lifetime event so I’m sure she wouldn’t miss it. But if she doesn’t want to be a part of it, don’t let that bring your spirit down. It’ll hurt but this ceremony is for you and your husband. Stay strong.

I can relate to family drama and the not wanting to invite them for various reasons. I think this is a conversation to have sooner rather than later. You should absolutely enjoy every part of planning, and not dread doing so due to drama. If that means your mom will not be involved in the wedding planning, then you’ll need to be prepared for that as well.

She clearly understands you two do not get along based upon past events and non-invites. I would just approach it with her explaining (the obvious) that you and your stepdad do not have a relationship, and you don’t feel you need to spend one of the most important days of your life with people you do not have good relations with. Again, just be prepared for a reaction - either positive or negative. This day is supposed to be about you and FH... as long as the two of you show up that day, that’s all that matters, right?

It's your wedding. You don't have to invite anyone. However, you cannot control your mom's reaction. She may decide she will not come either. I would bet we all have someone on our guest list that we wish we didn't have to invite. Good luck!

Reading this makes it sound like your mother is the one making the problem, not your stepdad. If I’m understanding correctly, anytime you do anything she is complaining that he is uncomfortable? That’s weird. He is a grown man and if he is uncomfortable he can speak for himself. As for the invite, I would imagine you would have to invite them both for etiquette purposes but if you don’t invite him, I can see your mother causing more drama. I would honestly have a big chat with your mom about your feelings and see her reaction from there.

My fiance doesn't want his mom's husband at the wedding. He won't even call him a "step-father". I won't get into details why, as that's his story, not mine. But when he told me he didn't want him at the wedding, I supported this. It's our day, and we both need to feel comfortable and happy. And we only want people there who love and support us.

He had a chat with him mom and while she was sad about it, she understood. She knows his feelings about her husband. It wasn't easy, but it was the right thing to do for us.

Maybe your mom will understand too. But you won't know until you talk to her about it. And if this is something you can sort out and know the answer to earlier, the more time you will have to heal (whatever the outcome is).

If I were you, I'd consider eloping. I agree with Melissa, it sounds like your mom is the one causing problems. Do you think if you tell her you're not inviting your step-father, that she would end up bringing him anyway on the actual Wedding day?

I think it all sounds like a whole lot of drama that you're not going to be able to get away from unless you elope.

From how you've described the situation, you do need to have a conversation with your mom, but I wouldn't expect her to be especially understanding. I completely understand why you don't want to invite him, but think about how important your mom's attendance (and participation in planning) is to you before you commit to the decision. Excluding him may possibly mean a real rift between you and her.