i cut down my bridal party from 5-2 help!

Mandie, what all are your expectations for your bridesmaids? On most forums, you will find that the general idea is that the only job of a bridesmaid is to show up to your wedding wearing the correct outfit and that they are to be treated as honored guests.


Usually, expecting your bridesmaids to plan the bachelorette and a shower is not considered to be asking too much, but many women don’t have time to be attending a lot of meetings pre-wedding. If you really want a bridal shower and feel like your remaining bridal party can’t handle it, could you talk to another relative and ask for them to plan it? Say a mom or an aunt?

I think it really depends on your expectations. You mentioned dress fittings. Were you expecting your girls to go with you to every fitting? If so, I could see why that might not be something someone wants to do or has time to do. I can also say two of my girls didn't attend my bacherlotte party, but I didn't remove them from the wedding. The one's husband planned a surprise anniversary trip and it so happened to be the same weekend as my bachelorette party. The other had a miscarriage days before and she was so sick after that she just couldn't be there. She felt terrible for missing, but I was more concerned about her health. I think if someone has a valid reason for not attending then you should've just said okay and moved on from there.

I sympathize with you with this - because I initially had some of the same issues.

I'll be totally honest with you, it seems like you are requiring a lot of your bridesmaids. I'm not saying that is a bad thing, but sometimes your friends may get annoyed with being asked to do things for your wedding frequently. It sounds like you have had a few dress fittings and maybe a few other events for your bridal party. Personally, I LOVE doing those things as a bride and a bridesmaid. I adore getting together with my bridal party and discussing wedding plans or trying on dresses etc., but sometimes your bridesmaids don't have the time or energy to put in that you do.

I also removed a girl from my wedding party when I felt like she wasn't supportive of me. I don't regret that by any means for reasons outside of being unsupportive, but I know now that, as a bride, you can get carried away with planning and expect a little much from your girls. Being engaged is so much fun, and planning the wedding sometimes feels like a dream and you just want to share the excitement with your friends. That's totally okay, I would just try to keep in mind that others will never be as happy for you as you are. And that's still okay.

Having two bridesmaids is fine! Don't let societal expectations make you think you're not doing enough for your wedding. Do what feels right. If those two girls are your nearest and dearest, that's more than okay.

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I've never been in anyones wedding before, so planning my wedding was the only planning experience i've ever had. One of my brides maids suggested we do monthly meetings, which only happened twice and I felt like it was to much for the girls so we decided on just talking about it over text in a group chat. For the fitting, I've honestly had only 4. we started planning last year, I got engaged in 2019. we only had 2 dress fitting in 2020 and two scheduled this year which ended up being just one because I found the dress However I wanted them to come to their fitting so we can make sure the dresses looked nice on them or they can have a say on what they wanted to wear, those were only two fittings. We've been talking about the date for the bachelorette since last year and the two that are no longer my bridesmaids suggested the dates, then after my falling out with my sister in-law she said she planned a vacation a month before the bacherollete and she wasn't going to make it, I said ok and didn't make a big deal out of it, its the lack of prioritizing for anything that has to do with the wedding that got me upset. My other brides maid said she didn't want to travel during Covid which I understand but she just came back from a trip, so that made me feel like it was just an excuse. I never want to feel like i'm forcing anyone to do anything and especially for me, its such a sucky feeling.

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Thank you so much! this makes me feel so much better. The girls left are super supportive they sympathize with me and are totally understanding. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't becoming a bridezilla :'(

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Thank you this is a great suggestion. I was thinking of asking my mom and mil to help with the bridal shower. I started helping with the bachelorette because my MOH in school and I would hate for her to feel overwhelmed.

The meetings idea was one of the bridesmaid idea, we did two meetings and I felt like it was becoming overwhelming for the girls and we decided on group chats. I honestly just wanted them to join me as I tried out dresses (I was also fine if they didn't come to every fitting ) and as they tried their dresses which I felt like it was important because I wanted to make sure they all looked nice in their dresses

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A monthly meeting is crazy and way too much! Not sure why anyone would even begin to suggest such a thing. Bridesmaids aren't required to help plan or anything like unless they offer. I also think it is one thing to ask them to go look with you at bridesmaids dresses, but I think it is completely another to expect them to attend 4 fittings. That seems over the top and unnecessary. I think some of your expectations were too much.

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Thank you, I appreciate your feedback. Planning a wedding is honestly so stressful and I hate feeling like I was slowly turning into a mini bridezilla. I wasn't expecting them to come to the fittings, I would tell them when the appointments were then they would offer to come. I just didn't want to feel like I wasn't including my girls

I feel like there is more to this story. For three people to all of a sudden act distant from you... something is up. Especially if one of them is likely a very close friend, to the point you asked her to be MOH.

Honestly, I think it could be the case that you are asking too much of them. Even if you're just telling them when the fittings are so they won't feel left out, it might be coming across that you expect them to be there. Additionally, it's a pandemic. Your SIL has a child who is being homeschooled, and young enough to require supervision. People are stressed, busy, and might not have the time or may not want to go to a dress fitting because it's unnecessary exposure to other people's germs. Your wedding might be the most important thing in your life right now, but I guarantee it's not anywhere close to the top of anyone else's list. As to your question about how to be sure you're not asking for too much... I'd just ask them! Make it clear it's in the name of transparency and kindness (although you having already axed 3 of your bridal party might make this difficult, they might be worried they'll be kicked out, too).

Your bridal party is supposed to be a group of your friends who you want standing with you when you get married. It’s not actually a job for them, and they have their own lives to worry about especially during a pandemic. At the end of the day, this is your wedding and no one is going to be as invested in the planning process as you

View Quoted Comment I get that feeling! I hope that you are able to get everything worked out and I am sure your bridal party, whatever the size, will look beautiful.