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Expert February 2020

i can't go to the wedding because i have a kid. Am i being rude questions

Hermione, on January 5, 2020 at 3:52 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15

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I can't go to a no kids wedding because I have a kid and it's out of state. She's 2, so finding childcare is very challenging. I am not making any "special request" for my kid to be in the wedding. I simply rsvp'ed "will not attend" as soon as I found out I couldn't. It's about 2 months before her deadline of March 1st with a wedding date of April 18th. My fiance can't attend because of school. I bought her a $60 gift off her registry and sent a message of best wishes and congratulations. It's my fh cousin who I don't know very well (I have met her 3 times total and all I can say is she's nice). Money is tight because I am getting married in less than 40 days. Am I wrong on any of this? I don't have any ill will towards this person and I have a tendency to overthink things.

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Latest activity by Andrea, on January 6, 2020 at 8:01 PM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on January 5, 2020 at 3:54 PM
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I don't see how any of this is a problem.
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on January 5, 2020 at 3:59 PM
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Nope, none of this sounds rude at all. People who have adults only weddings understand that means there is the potential for those with children to decline. I would say you were more than generous by immediately RSVP’ing, sending well wishes to the couple, and sending them a gift even though you will not be attending the wedding.
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Rockstar July 2019
Veronica · on January 5, 2020 at 4:01 PM
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No, this isn't rude of you. Normally when you decide to have a wedding without children you know that some people may might be able to attend because they have children. We had an adults only reception and my husband's uncle didn't come because it was his weekend with his children. His ex-wife wasn't willing to let him switch weekends so he couldn't attend.
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Expert February 2020
Hermione · on January 5, 2020 at 4:09 PM
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I was worried I being rude or cheap.

She picked her date first (I think 2 years ago) and my fiance picked our date 2nd (He wanted on the day he proposed (valentine's day and I decided it wasn't bad / easy solution). I am already really socially awkward. She's invited to mine which just really makes me over think this.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on January 5, 2020 at 4:19 PM
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She knew when she decided to have a child free wedding that some guests with children wouldn't be able to attend and she was okay with that. No big deal.
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Devoted September 2019
Meaghan · on January 5, 2020 at 4:20 PM
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It's an invitation, not a summons. You are within your rights to decline for any reason.
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Dedicated September 2020
Megan · on January 5, 2020 at 4:28 PM
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No your totally not rude, you did everything right send her a gift and best wishes even!
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on January 5, 2020 at 4:32 PM
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Nothing rude at all. I’m sure she understands since you have a small child.
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Expert October 2021
Megan · on January 5, 2020 at 4:43 PM
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You're completely fine and not rude at all.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on January 5, 2020 at 4:48 PM
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Look different people choose their weddings for what is best for them as well as wedding related events. You do not have to go but you did the proper thing and let the person know plus gave a gift. People decline at weddings all the time; plus it is another state not down the street so that is definitely logical.
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Super September 2019
Courtney · on January 5, 2020 at 6:01 PM
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Nothing wrong with this. You guys can’t make it. I think it’s super sweet you still sent a gift even though you can’t attend.
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Master September 2019
Sherry · on January 6, 2020 at 9:17 AM
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You are overthinking it. People that have no kid weddings expect this and most don't even get a gift so you are good and nothing you did was rude.
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VIP November 2019
Catherine · on January 6, 2020 at 12:16 PM
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You're definitely overthinking this. most people don't give gifts when they can't attend so you're being generous. If she is questioning why you can't attend she will reach out.
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Expert February 2020
Cherry · on January 6, 2020 at 3:14 PM
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As others have said, you are definitely overthinking this. You are allowed to decline any invitation, and because they are not allowing children, they know they will get declines from others as well. It was very generous of you to purchase them a gift from their registry and I do believe they will understand completely that you cannot attend. Best of luck with your upcoming wedding!
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Master January 2021
Andrea · on January 6, 2020 at 8:01 PM
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You were gracious to give a gift. Like many PPs said, when they decided to have no kids, they knew what it would have come with!! You've done nothing wrong
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i can't go to the wedding because i have a kid. Am i being rude questions

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