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Hermione
Expert February 2020

i can't go to the wedding because i have a kid. Am i being rude questions

Hermione, on January 5, 2020 at 3:52 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15
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I can't go to a no kids wedding because I have a kid and it's out of state. She's 2, so finding childcare is very challenging. I am not making any "special request" for my kid to be in the wedding. I simply rsvp'ed "will not attend" as soon as I found out I couldn't. It's about 2 months before her deadline of March 1st with a wedding date of April 18th. My fiance can't attend because of school. I bought her a $60 gift off her registry and sent a message of best wishes and congratulations. It's my fh cousin who I don't know very well (I have met her 3 times total and all I can say is she's nice). Money is tight because I am getting married in less than 40 days. Am I wrong on any of this? I don't have any ill will towards this person and I have a tendency to overthink things.

15 Comments

Latest activity by Andrea, on January 6, 2020 at 8:01 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    I don't see how any of this is a problem.

    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    Nope, none of this sounds rude at all. People who have adults only weddings understand that means there is the potential for those with children to decline. I would say you were more than generous by immediately RSVP’ing, sending well wishes to the couple, and sending them a gift even though you will not be attending the wedding.
    • Reply
  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    No, this isn't rude of you. Normally when you decide to have a wedding without children you know that some people may might be able to attend because they have children. We had an adults only reception and my husband's uncle didn't come because it was his weekend with his children. His ex-wife wasn't willing to let him switch weekends so he couldn't attend.
    • Reply
  • Hermione
    Expert February 2020
    Hermione ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I was worried I being rude or cheap.


    She picked her date first (I think 2 years ago) and my fiance picked our date 2nd (He wanted on the day he proposed (valentine's day and I decided it wasn't bad / easy solution). I am already really socially awkward. She's invited to mine which just really makes me over think this.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    She knew when she decided to have a child free wedding that some guests with children wouldn't be able to attend and she was okay with that. No big deal.

    • Reply
  • M
    Devoted September 2019
    Meaghan ·
    • Flag
    It's an invitation, not a summons. You are within your rights to decline for any reason.
    • Reply
  • Megan
    Dedicated September 2020
    Megan ·
    • Flag

    No your totally not rude, you did everything right send her a gift and best wishes even!

    • Reply
  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
    • Flag
    Nothing rude at all. I’m sure she understands since you have a small child.
    • Reply
  • M
    Expert October 2021
    Megan ·
    • Flag

    You're completely fine and not rude at all.

    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag

    Look different people choose their weddings for what is best for them as well as wedding related events. You do not have to go but you did the proper thing and let the person know plus gave a gift. People decline at weddings all the time; plus it is another state not down the street so that is definitely logical.

    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Super September 2019
    Courtney ·
    • Flag
    Nothing wrong with this. You guys can’t make it. I think it’s super sweet you still sent a gift even though you can’t attend.
    • Reply
  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
    • Flag

    You are overthinking it. People that have no kid weddings expect this and most don't even get a gift so you are good and nothing you did was rude.

    • Reply
  • Catherine
    VIP November 2019
    Catherine ·
    • Flag

    You're definitely overthinking this. most people don't give gifts when they can't attend so you're being generous. If she is questioning why you can't attend she will reach out.

    • Reply
  • Cherry
    Expert February 2020
    Cherry ·
    • Flag

    As others have said, you are definitely overthinking this. You are allowed to decline any invitation, and because they are not allowing children, they know they will get declines from others as well. It was very generous of you to purchase them a gift from their registry and I do believe they will understand completely that you cannot attend. Best of luck with your upcoming wedding! Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Master January 2021
    Andrea ·
    • Flag

    You were gracious to give a gift. Like many PPs said, when they decided to have no kids, they knew what it would have come with!! You've done nothing wrongSmiley heart

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