i can’t afford my friends Bach, and she didn’t take it well. What to do?

As the previous post said, the MOH should not have made plans without speaking to everyone that might go. Also, it would be better to plan for a late cancelation that might add additional cost to those going.

" I’m afraid if I back out of the Bach she’ll not want me to be a bridesmaid and that would ruin our friendship. "

She's already ruined your friendship. It's completely obnoxious that she's trying to guilt trip you into spending money you don't have on an entire weekend for her. A real friend would understand and either tell you it's okay to skip it since you can't afford it, or cancel the weekend and plan a one day local event so you could be included. It's also entirely rude of her and her MOH to plan something without asking everyone their budgets.

Bow out of the wedding altogether. She is not a friend.

I completely agree.

OP, in your position it's her behavior that would be friendship ending, not the deplorable reaction to your attempts to avoid a shakedown. I could never maintain a relationship with someone so selfish, who sees you as nothing more than an open wallet, whether in these circumstances or any other. It's gross. She's the only one here being "really rude," not you.

Wow! Sorry, but your friend sucks. There's so so much entitlement around destination bachelorettes and fancy parties, it's ridiculous. People need to get a grip on themselves.

No you don't owe her a party. No, you shouldn't have to be feeling guilty for not having $800 to throw away on this optional event.

I would really lay the boundaries around what you can and cannot afford. Something like "in my budget, I can afford a $xx dress". I can't financially do more than that for your wedding. If that's not OK, I can step down". Leave the ball in her court, if there's more blowback about money, I'd probably drop out of the wedding party.

This is really a sad situation. Very hurtful to you when the bride is so self centered. I would tell the bride that you can’t give what you don’t have. I would not go into debt over this. I would tell her you can’t be in her bridal party. She is not a true friend and being in her wedding is not in your best interest. I feel bad for the rest of her bridal party….this is a case of bridezilla.

First, if the Bride wanted this trip so badly, she would pay her share of all costs (many brides don't). If she already is contributing, then this trip is overpriced and needs to be re-evaluated.

Second, your money is no longer just yours. I assume you and your partner are paying for your own wedding, so whatever thousands you spend on others for an optional party, is essentially taking away from what you financially pledged to each other. If this was me, I would never take on any outside vacations (of any length) outside my own honeymoon during my wedding year. For your friend to expect this from you is short-sighted and she needs to re-evaluate her friendship expectations. Give her a hot second to do so. And if she is still adamant the next time you call her, verbally and emotionally bow out of this wedding and friendship. This type of person does not know money or priorities and will continue to pull you into foolishly living beyond your means. This will hurt your partner, too. Keep focused and doing what you're doing. I know these conflicts are sad, but you must protect yourself, your future spouse, and your own life goals. Best wishes.

This is a good approach.

Wow. Just wow. It sounds like your friend has become too consumed with her wedding and has lost sight of what's really important - like her close friendships. Bachelorette parties are entirely optional events and there's no requirement for bridesmaids to attend - and that goes double for a bachelorette trip! Much like a destination wedding, when a bride chooses to have a destination bachelorette trip she does so knowing that there is a much greater chance people will not be able to attend. Over $1,000 for a bachelorette party is a ridiculous ask, even under the best circumstances. The fact that you are currently unemployed and trying to plan your own wedding makes it even more ridiculous. I would tell your friend that you would love to go, but it just isn't feasible for you (and neither is her "payment plan"). Be apologetic, but firm. Do not leave any wiggle room for her to attempt to negotiate. So sorry you've been put in this position.

So sorry you're in this situation. That is ridiculous and incredibly expensive for a bachelorette party!! Just wanted to let you know you are not obligated to go and if it ruins the friendship that says more about her than you. Best of luck navigating this situation