Skip to main content

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Mandy
Just Said Yes November 2018

i bought my dream dress without my mom. She's hurt and Idk what to do

Mandy, on October 25, 2018 at 5:43 PM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 11

There has been so much drama around my wedding so far, and I've only been engaged for a few months. I am desperate for some advice on how to amend things with my mom. Please bear with this story, I'm going to try and keep it short.

My great aunt was originally going to let me "borrow" her dress for my wedding - which I wasn't aware that it was a "borrow" thing - I thought she was passing the dress down. I asked to change the neckline because the dress, while beautiful, is excessively modest for my taste. My mom was there to help me try on that dress.

Long story short, everyone got offended and my aunt took back her dress. Which is fine, but it caused my mom, grandmother, dad, and just about everyone else to get VERY upset with me.

So, my matron of honor took me to a bridal suite in Chicago, and while I was just planning on trying on dresses, I found my dream dress. I had such an emotional reaction to it, and I really felt like a bride when I had it on. I pictured walking down the aisle to my fiance in it. I'm in love. So I bought it.

My mom lives in St. Louis and isn't a fan of visiting Chicago, so she wasn't there for the try on. I sent her photos and told her the story of trying it on, and she immediately began criticizing everything about the dress (we have very different taste). So, now, she's very upset and feels like I robbed her of having the dress trying on experience. She's asking me to try on dresses when I'm back in St. Louis next month.

My question is - should I even bother? I want my mom to feel involved, because I am an only child and the two of us are close - but I don't want to try on any other dresses. Is there another way to involve her without hurting her feelings? I'm desperate here since the amount of insanity that has gone on so far has been really taxing on both her and me.

11 Comments

Latest activity by Kenisha, on October 26, 2018 at 10:58 AM
  • Megan
    VIP January 2019
    Megan ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Can you have a dress reveal get together with her? Have a girls night, try it on, look for hair accessories on line and such? I definitely would NOT go try on other dresses.
    • Reply
  • Mandy
    Just Said Yes November 2018
    Mandy ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    I was going to take the dress home with me and try it on with just the two of us. I already bought the veil and headband to wear with it, too. But that's a good idea!

    • Reply
  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    As a MOB who is very close to an only daughter/child, I can understand your mom's hurt feelings about not getting to have the dress shopping experience with you. It truly was one of daughter's and my favorite parts of the planning process so far (I don't say that to make you feel worse, just to agree that it can be a big deal for a mom). However, I also think it's a waste of everyone's time (especially the bridal shops & their consultants) for the two of you to continue to "dress shop." I'm not even sure what the point would be since you already have a dress you love, so I'm having trouble imagining that the experience would be the "mother-daughter dress shopping experience" your mom is wanting to recreate. I will say, after my daughter and I found her dress, she and I did have a couple of fun shopping trips looking for my dress. Perhaps you could suggest to your mom the two of you now focus on her?

    I am sorry there has been so much drama and agree it would be really nice if that could end. I guess to try and make that a reality, you can apologize to your mom that she didn't get the whole dress shopping experience she was hoping for and assure her that you never intended to hurt her feelings or leave her out. After explaining that you don't need to shop anymore since you've found your dream dress, ask if you can plan a weekend to come to St Louis and spend an entire day -- or weekend if needed -- shopping for her dress, going out for a special lunch, and talking about/working on other wedding planning that you want her input on. Good luck to you! I hope she can adjust to the decisions you've already made and enjoy working on the next items on the wedding to-do list! Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Devoted May 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I went dress shopping without my mom because she lives across the country and my parents have decided to renovate their whole house, so she's in the middle of projects/money was tight. We facetimed during the appointment when I found the dress, but I still feel like that being together part was missing. My plan is to try to schedule a trip around a fitting then she can see me in the dress, help pick out a veil, etc. Maybe you can try that and hopefully your mom will come around when she sees you in the dress and how happy you are with it. Stick to your guns though. You know that it's the dress, so there's no reason to waste time fake looking at a different shop.

    • Reply
  • Kristen
    VIP August 2018
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    If you already purchased a dress you love then it isn't worth it to dress shop with your mom. You'd be wasting your time, the shop/ salespersons time, and it wouldn't be the same experience if you both know you have a dress already.

    Instead, maybe you could do a dress reveal for her when you get it and try it on for her. You could also ask for her help picking out the shoes to go with it, jewelry, etc.

    The moral is to just try to find other ways to include her and let you know you love her / value her opinions.

    • Reply
  • J
    Devoted October 2019
    Jacquie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I would agree there is no need to do fake wedding dress shopping but she could come help you pick out brides maids dresses or you can shop with her and help her find MOB dress and I would invite her to an alteration fitting appointment to have her involved some way and to get to see you in your dress. I bought my dress without my mom and she hasn't said anything about being upset about it. But I did invite her to my first alterations fitting and she seems very happy about that.
    • Reply
  • Maren
    Champion October 2021
    Maren ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Hi Mandy! I agree with the others, perhaps including her in a different way now to help her feel involved will help! Smiley heart Like Megan mentioned, maybe having a girls night, trying everything on just the two of you. Maybe showing her the entire look with the headband and veil you chose, too! That way, she'll be the first to see the entire look, accessories and all! Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • R
    Beginner February 2020
    Roxy ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    If you are getting alterations done I would bring her along there. Also I’d let her participate in picking your accessories
    • Reply
  • Mandy
    Just Said Yes November 2018
    Mandy ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Thank you all so much! I appreciate the insight and tips more than you know. Fingers crossed things start to get better and that I can amend things with my mom.

    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Since you've found and purchased your dress, I wouldn't look or try on anymore. What if you find another you like more? Can you get your money back from the other dress? Also, if your mom was mad at you for not using your aunt's dress (which is insane) and didn't want to go to the bridal suite, I'm not sure why she's mad about the dress. I'd just offer to take her back to Chicago for you to try on the sample of the dress you purchased for her. Or do other wedding-related things: catering tastings, cake tastings, shoe & accessory shopping for you, shopping for her dress, hair and makeup trial, etc. It's probably better she wasn't there, if you both have very different tastes in dresses.

    • Reply
  • Kenisha
    Champion June 2019
    Kenisha ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Don’t bother trying on more dresses. It’s just not beneficial to anyone. Just try to include your mom in other aspects of your wedding so she feels included.
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Explore how we embrace diversity

Groups

WeddingWire article topics