I apologize for the RSVP vent

^Sarah's got a good line to use

That's horrible. I hope it doesn't happen to me. They should give a straight yes or no. Those final numbers are important.

Wow 40 is ridiculous. How many guests did you guys invite? I like sarah's response.

We sent out 77 invitations

Agree with Sarah!

Call thrm up with some bridal balls and lay it out. I need to know my Sunday and I dont hear from you Ill take it as a No.

That's so frustrating! We invited well over 150 people (families and couples make numbers add up so fast) and have gotten hardly any rsvps. And we just had an email at the bottom to rsvp to, it takes practically 2 seconds to send an email and say how many people. It's not like we have to have an exact number, it's just nice to have an idea of how much food we need. We know for sure there will be at least 100 but I Just wish we had a more definite number because it's stressing me out lol

Agree with @Sarah! It's either yes or you will have to decline them when deadline comes.

I hate that people think this is some kind of small get together. Like I have people saying, "well put me down, and if I can come I'll come." No, I need exact numbers, because I'm not going to pay for you for you to maybe come.

@Ariel, I know it makes me so mad!

Wow that sucks :/ id be super frustrated

Don't apologize, OP. In fact, I'll joint your rant. I find this type of etiquette fail to be one of the worst.

A majority of wedding guests are also professionals and employees, and they meet deadlines at work, every day, so what the hell is so tough about RSVPing to a social event -- a wedding -- hosted by a couple, people who are spending more than they've ever spent on a private party in their lives (and will probably never spend that amount again in their lives)? Geez, the mom of an elementary school child, the lady who sent the brightly colored invitations to all of her child's classmates asking them to attendher son's/daughter's birthday party, asked for the same courtesy, and my guess is that her request was honored (probably prior to the RSVP date), otherwise, social disaster for the classmates.

How much more do adults owe other adults who are inviting them to share a milestone event in their lives, hosting them with a lovely brunch/afternoon/evening featuring apps, drinks, a professionally prepared meal, dancing, and socializing, and yet, they have to be tracked down -- as in, they're perfectly comfortable with telling the hosts, "Your formal written invitation requiring an RSVP? Well, we didn't think it required a written RSVP, after all...in fact, we think it requires a personal phone call from you to us"?

I sympathize with you OP. No, you shouldn't have to do this, but since you do, make it count. If they answer the phone, require an answer -- on the spot. If they can't give you that answer, tell them that they have 24 hours before you have to advise your chefs and event staff of their presence/absence. If you get an answering machine, let them know that they have the same 24 hours, and at that point, you'll assume that their non-response is their response.

I can't tell you how much this bothers me, because, as a vendor, I have first hand knowledge of what the couple is going through -- the countless issues facing them in those last weeks and days. None of that stress should come from your nearest and dearest, and a simple check mark, inserting the card into a SASE, and putting it in the mailbox is all that is required of them.

To the person who asked how vendors don't need an exact number - in my hometown most people do a buffet, so they already build in a buffer to accommodate some guests taking more. Cheaper halls like Elks and VFW tend to have x number of tables/chairs set up anyway, so as long as you're under that limit exact count won't impact setup. And most bars run a tab at those types if places rather than charging per head for an open bar. So..... My wedding and most weddings I've been to in that area don't require an exact count. (I still 100% think guests should rsvp, but I chose that location based on that type of flexibility.)

I'm in RSVP hell too!! It sucks just wanted you to know I feel your pain and you're not alone!

Thanks everyone. I am just so mad that I needed to get it off my chest.

I definitely understand. We had some "maybes" as well. Adults should be able to fill out an RSVP and send it back. It takes less than a minute to check yes or no. It's so frustrating.

I'm writing Sarah's line down.

But yeah... it is a yes or no response. I wish guest understood frustrations with this.

40 non-responses? Oh. My. God. I would be losing it. We just mailed our invites yesterday and this is what I am afraid of.....Sarah's line is perfect. I will be holding it in reserve, praying we won't need it.

Sarah is absolutely spot on. And you are right to be upset about it. See if you can get a concrete answer from these invitees.

I would also ask your caterer/ venue manager etc if they will work with you to arrange upgrades. For example, if your contract says 77 guests, but you get only 50-60 confirmed RSVPs, will they charge you only for the confirmed guests? If not, would they be willing to let you add on appetizers or desserts etc?

My RSVPs are due this weekend (a bit early, but I'm traveling for work mid-month, and wanted to make sure I had time to track people down). This past Monday I posted a small gallery of my e-pics on FB...I hadn't shared any of them, PLUS I thought it might shake a few RSVPs loose Currently we're at 13/49 RSPVs outstanding, split pretty evenly between my peeps and FH's. I was "winning" until today, when I got 3 for his peeps! Gentle reminders will go out mid next week.

The frustrating thing is that several of the people who haven't replied are our "wild cards." I was pretty solid on who would actually come (there have only been 2 surprise declines), but FH's redneck cousins who hate me (they are very politically conservative, and think I'm a Communist) and his California-based BIL (FH's late wife's brother) and family were question marks...and OF COURSE their RSVPs are still outstanding. Grrr.

I have not passed my RSVP date yet, but I will give you a curiosity call 4 days after the date they were due. After that you will be SOL. Not my concern any longer.