Y
Just Said Yes April 2022

i am wanting have my matron of honor step down

Yolanda, on October 15, 2021 at 6:16 AM Posted in Planning 0 14
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First of all you know how stressful weddings are to begin with. I asked my MAOH to be in my bridal party we have been friends for like ten years. But now things are becoming difficult. At first it was the make up. She didn't want her make up done because she didn't.want to break out because she breaks out easily. Ok I tell the makeup artist then the make up artist says she has hydroallergic make up. Then my MAOH is like oh I don't know. Can I use my own make up I'm like let me ask. I ask the make up artist and she says that's fine. I tell the MAOH that's she will use your make up and then she's like oh okay but I don't know... The next thing is I want my bridal party to stay the night the night before all together so that we can be ready to do hair and makeup. My MAOH says she can't she has a child and can't stay. However she has a husband and she will be staying at her sister's house. Where they can both watch her daughter. And her daughter will be 23 months at that time.... Lastly the hair, the stylist wants to pressed out everyone's hair in order to do the style. She wants to press it out the night before either at the hotel or her salon shop. I tell my MAOH which option is best and she like well I can press it out myself and have my sister help me... I'm like 🤦🏾‍♀️. It will be a different look verse the way a professional will do it. After all of this it just seems like a lot and it's only the beginning... There's shoes, jewelry, etc. Not sure if these are valid reasons but she's becoming a lot and difficult I need to know how to let her down gently and not ruin our friendship.

14 Comments

Latest activity by Peyton, on October 16, 2021 at 12:53 AM
  • Cece
    Rockstar November 2022
    Cece ·
    • Flag
    From what you have outlined here, she has not done anything that would warrant her being removed from your bridal party. As you said yourself, she breaks out easily. If she does not want to make up artist to do her make up, simply allow her to do her own. (Also, if you are requiring hair & makeup services be done, you should definitely be the one paying for those services, not your bridesmaids) Not everyone feels comfortable leaving their small child at home alone overnight. This is a valid reason for her to not have a slumber party with y’all. Simply allow her to stay with her child the night before and stress to her the importance of arriving on time in the morning (which, if she’s not having make up done anyway, should not be a problem). You said the stylist wants to press out peoples hair and then style it the next day. If she is able to press out her own hair, there is no reason for her to take more time out of her schedule to have a stylist do it. Her and her sister can press out her hair and the stylist can style it in the morning. She is providing very valid reasons and solutions here. You chose this person to be your matron of honor because she is one of your closest friends. The title is one of honor, not one of servitude. I think you need to relax and adjust your expectations. A 10 your friendship is not worth ruining over nothing.
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  • S
    Expert September 2022
    Sarah ·
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    I 100% agree with all of this. I was basically going to say this same exact thing. From the examples mentioned she has very valid reasons, none of which call for her being demoted.

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  • Allie
    VIP November 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag

    I'm sorry, but the first poster nailed it. A bridesmaid/maid of honor has already taken a good chunk out of their time to spend on you throughout the process and for the wedding, so these things are just making her life more difficult and that's not really fair to ask of. She's provided you with some solutions, and while you may not like them, they are valid solutions and that's what will work for her. I have a BM who probably won't be spending any time with me while we get ready because both she and her husband are in our wedding and they have a 3 year old. We didn't allow children at the wedding, so they had to come up with a solution for childcare that day/night, so she is getting her hair and makeup done on her own and then meeting us either at my mom's where we are leaving from or at the venue. It's just easier on her and I have no issues with it at all. You have to remember that others have lives outside of your wedding and you need to be mindful of their lives and schedules when planning things because not everyone will be able to make what you want to do work.

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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    I agree with this and the previous comments!
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  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    Completely agree with this.
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  • E
    Super July 2023
    Eniale ·
    • Flag

    Literally none of this is a valid reason to make her step down.

    Why is letting her do her own makeup a problem? Why is letting her do her own hair a problem?

    She has a kid. I can understand why she doesn't want to have a slumber party with you the night before. She wants to be with her family. You have her the entire wedding day - let her be with her child the night before.

    You need to step back and acknowledge this person is not here for you to control her appearance or where she spends her time on any day other than your wedding.

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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    I am seconding (more like sixthing) the fact that none of these are reasons to risk hurting a valued friendship. Take a step back, breathe, look at the bigger picture, and lose ALL of your expectations about what she should be doing for your wedding. Appreciate the friendship and look forward to getting married.

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  • Alisha
    Beginner September 2022
    Alisha ·
    • Flag

    Will you feel better if I tell you my maid of honor is going to be makeup-free (same reason), and probably have nothing done to her hair?

    To be honest, all eyes will be on you. Not your matron of honor. She can look like her normal self, and most guests will not feel like she is out of place.

    You are the center of attention, not the wedding party. Trust me, your guests won't even think about why she is not covered in makeup and have different hair.

    • Reply
  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
    • Flag

    ....you want to kick your friend of 10 years out of your wedding over hair and make up?

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  • Expert June 2021
    ·
    • Flag
    Hair and makeup should be optional to the wedding party even if it’s a covered expense by you. Definitely not a reason to justify demoting your maoh and hurting a long friendship. Not all of my girls did makeup with my artist and they all had their own hairstyles for the wedding and looked beautiful only thing that matched was their dress. They had different shoes just same color and different jewelry just same color. Your wedding is a day for eyes to be on you and your husband no one else so it shouldn’t matter what everyone else looks like. Also it’s a wedding so you can rest assured she’ll look beautiful for it even if it’s not in uniformity with everyone else.
    • Reply
  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
    • Flag
    What everyone said before is completely right. I also want to add that if you ask her to stand down, that will probably end your friendship or at the minimum hurt it badly. I’d recommend thinking about whether you want to stop being friends because she’s not into getting her hair and makeup professionally done.
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  • J
    January 1895
    Jessa ·
    • Flag

    I have to agree with everyone else. Sometimes, we get so caught up in our plans that we forget to take a breath. If you have kept a good friend for 10 years, I am sure you are a good person just getting swept up in the wedding whirl. I am sure she will look fine without the professional hair and makeup. The back and forth (especially with the makeup) may have made you upset. But, she may have been upset as well. You are friends, be friends.

    Another thing to consider, I went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago in which not a single person in the bridal party looked like themselves. Each one was so fake looking. Caked on makeup (for pictures) and unattractive hair. Both done by professionals. We worry so much about the pictures, that sometimes people honestly look bad in person.

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  • Katelyn
    Dedicated October 2021
    Katelyn ·
    • Flag
    I agree with everyone above. I gave the option of hair & makeup to all my girls, some chose to do their own hair, some their own makeup & I completely support that! It was an option, I also never told them what jewelry to wear or that they had to have a sleepover with me the night before. Everyone has their own budget, style & they’re all their own person. everyone will be looking at you anyway. I think you’re going over the top.
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  • P
    Dedicated April 2023
    Peyton ·
    • Flag

    Is it possible that she doesn’t want to be in the wedding? She is making life pretty challenging for you and not being flexible. If this is her normal personality, then so be it. I don’t think you should destroy a friendship over hair and make up, but maybe ask her if she would rather just attend as a guest. You have a lot going on and sometimes it is better to just take a few steps back. Good lick to you!

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