Hyphenated Last Names?

I know someone posted something about this over the weekend but I can't find it--it had a ton of good advice about hyphens.

I can tell you that my mom is a hyphen, and there are often times when they have to check records twice at the doctors, because it's sometimes under the other last name (in her case they're both H's so it's easy). It's never been a PROBLEM though, more like, "We can't find it, let me look under the other name."

They considered giving me the hyphenated name but didn't and I'm really glad they didn't. I have a friend who is First MomMaiden-DadLast and if she gets married, she said she can't comfortably go MomMaiden-DadLast-Newlast but which old name do you keep? It's not the worst thing, but it's also a bit convoluted for children. And there's always the Hillary Rodham Clinton method of not hyphenating.

FH has two last names. It's super common in his family (which is great because I never wanted to get rid of my last name lol). R-A. All his official paperwork (even business cards) say R-A but when being introduced its always just R. I'll be adding his so it'll be P-R, but will probably just be called Mrs. P in lieu of Mrs. R.

@AMW - Thanks! I asked about this in the weekend chat, but then I was away from my computer and didn't see if anyone responded.

Does you mom always go by the full hyphenated last name, or does she sometimes just go by one? I feel like it might be easier if we're always only using the full last name (for consistency, if nothing else).

In NY, you can both change your last name when you get married, but not your middle name (at least, that's my reading of the law). You also can only do a double-barrel with a hyphen (so Hillary Rodham-Clinton is okay, but not without the hyphen).

@MtB - thanks! I'd definitely want people to use the full "Smith-Jones" so that's something to consider.

@Jessica - interesting, so you and FH will both have hyphens, but different actual names?

@Bookcase I love that you and your FH are going to create a "new" last name for you and your family. I think it's a beautiful thing to do!

@Sarah - thanks! I know it's not the norm, but names are so personal and this feels right for us. We just want to make sure we're really thinking it through before we decide.

I know lots of people with hyphenated last names, I don't think it's a big deal now. There are a bunch of kids in my son's generation with hyphenated names.

When I was married before I hyphenated my last name. It was the most annoying thing ever and I would never do it again. I never knew which name I was listed under when I would try to make appointments and stuff. To this day I keep finding accounts that have weird names on them (my car title just came and it was some weird amalgamation of both my last names). Yuck lol

My mom has always gone by her full name, but she has the same initial so it works really well--example would be Sarah Smith-Summers. Most offices list her paperwork under Smith-Summers, but some will list it just under Summers.

Once in a weird blue moon I'll meet someone who doesn't know what a hyphen is though, that's fun. I was shipping something to her and said it's "Sarah Smith, hyphen Summers" and they'll go "uh...hyphen? you mean like a dash or do I spell that out?" Kills me every single time.

I personally am dropping my maiden name because I don't care for hyphens myself. I considered doing it, but I'm lazy so I'm just going with the easy route. I also considered just smashing them together (aka Smithsummers) but then that defeats my goal of our kids having the same last name as us (personal goal, again, as a kid, I couldn't have cared less about having a slightly different last name as my mom). If you and your FH were to smash your two names together though that could be really cool! I think if it were important to me my FH would do that, but he would find it really weird since it's never crossed his mind that HIS name could change. He doesn't care what I do at all but he's excited that I chose to take his (I didn't tell him it's because I'm shallow and I think his last name is pretty).

I'm double barrelling it. Mom'sMaiden no hyphen HisLast. I'm sure it will be a pain in the ass, and I already foresee having to correct people when they say "Mrs. HisLast" only. But I've had to correct people my entire life on my first and last name so fuck it.

I have a long last name, and FHs is Johnson. So I'm going to either hyphen or space. My last name will be Fesenmeyer Johnson, which oddly enough I love the sound of. Probably go by Mrs.Johnson and kids will be just Johnson.

I'm going with the hypen. Originally I planned to move my maiden name to a second middle name. But I've recently learned a lot of family history that I'm rather proud of and so I want to keep my last name as a last name to keep that connection.

I'll do forms and such with both last names with the hypen, but I don't imagine having an issue if people call me just one or the other.

@AMW - we're considering a smashup, but we both think it looks better with a hyphen.

Ideally, we'd do two last names with a space, but my reading of the law says you need the hyphen:

"Option 1: the surname of either spouse; or

Option 2: any former surname of either spouse; or

Option 3: a name combining into a single surname, all or a segment of, the premarriage surname, or any former surname, of each spouse; or

Option 4: a combination surname separated by a hyphen, provided that each part of such combination surname is the premarriage surname, or any former surname, of each of the spouses."

Our situation's a little different from most in that we'll both have the hyphen, so we'd want to be called by the full name. In that case, a true mashup might make more practical sense.

I asked almost the exact same question a couple days ago! Here's the discussion: https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/using-both-maiden-and-married-names/3b1b7a7aec321ab6.html

I hyphenated my name. I thought about having two last names with no hyphen, but as you know, it's not an option when you get married in NY.

So far, no problems. I generally just introduce myself with my married last name, but I wanted to keep my maiden name legally as well. As a teacher, I struggled with which name to use, but ultimately decided to go with married last name. However, people sometimes refer to me as my maiden name at my new job because it is the name that appears first when written. That's been the only little bit of confusion so far, but that sort of thing doesn't bother me.

I wanted to hyphenate at first until I counted letters and realized I'd have a 22 character last name. I'm too lazy to write that all the time.

My mother hyphenated her name when she married my father they have sense divorced but she kept his last name because both me and my sisters last name. However my mom recently is remarried and refused to drop her maiden name or first married name so now she's got 3 last names and proves to be a pain in the butt for her.

I dont but my oldest has my last name and my fh last name because i thought would be good. 8 years later i totally regret it. I wouldn't do it. Its a pain.