Hurtful mothers

If someone told me they wanted me to come to their room to watch then get ready, I would also think that sounded boring (not say it, per se). Generational gaps usually cause some differences in music choice. I don't understand what happened with the announcement of newlywed status, so I cannot touch on that.

Did you try explaining that you wanted her present for the mini hangout session pre-ceremony (aka getting ready) for support? Perhaps there will be cocktails and small bites to enjoy while hanging out?

Not sure what else is going on, but from the above, it just seems like she is very bluntly honest and maybe just needs you to let her know you need her support and encouragement right now instead of criticism.

I do understand that watching someone get ready could be boring when you’re not having anything done yourself. HOWEVER, this is her daughter. If my mom was getting married again, there’s no way I wouldn’t be there for her even if I wasn’t getting hair and makeup done too. It’s a bonding moment. It sounds like she’s got a very different views on weddings than you do. I think in a way you were right to ask her not to come. Weddings are a time for celebration, not critiquing.

Has your relationship always been strained, or is it the wedding that has brought it about?

Do you have a special aunt or grandmother that would love to be with you on that morning doing those special things? If so I would ask them and let your mother do her thing. She sounds like an unhappy person and personally I don’t have time for that. Don’t let her ruin your day!!! Stop sharing things with her if all she does is criticize. Good luck

You can borrow my mom.

Please take this in: what your mom will or will not do has NOTHING to do with you. It has something to do with her. Leave that with her! You have a lot of details to take care of and it sounds like she has issues with something.

Treat her like any other guest at the wedding. Life is too short for all of that.

My mom is getting her hair and makeup done elsewhere, so she wont he getting to the venue until 11:30-noon, so I'll be started on my hair and makeup already. I was kind of bummed she won't be there to hang out with us and talk and maybe help with things if needed, but shell be there in more than enough time to help me into my dress and get those mother/daughter pictures which is what I really care about.

It's kind if hurtful your mom wouldnt do what you asked even if it's boring because having her present that morning is clearly important to you. I wouldnt let her comments about music get to you since every generation and even person is going to have different tastes and thoughts. Not sure why shed care if you're introduced by your new last name, its your wedding and its okay to be cheesy like that! Every wedding does that

Originally my mom was super excited about my wedding until recently. She wanted to be there for my hair and makeup. We have fought constantly about everything. She is even saying she can’t stanf my FHs Family. It’s really bothering me. I am an only child who was told I could have what I wanted but every decision I have asked for has been shot down and I have not got one thing I wanted so far or if I say something she shoots it down and tells me no I think that is tacky and it should be like this. She took over the planning and said it’s her checkbook and she will do what she wants. Not to mention 40 days till my wedding she and my dad now want to postpone it bc they now think my FH won’t be a good fit for me after 2 years and 10 months of planning all of a sudden he is not for me....he has switched jobs to better his pay and they think he will not be the man I need or what and are now giving him a timeline to get his “s***” together or sign a prenuptial agreement. It has come between me and my FH bc it’s all of a sudden a huge issue when for the last 3 years they have loved him and have been so excited! My mom tells my dad things and blows them out of proportion and it has strained our relationship as well to the point where I don’t even answer her calls or texts bc I’m so hurt. We have almost decided to pay for it all ourselves and tell them they don’t have to come but I am stuck because as an only child and a father I love, they are all I have besides my FH. I think wedding planning comes between everyone at some point. It’s hard to not get along with them when it’s supposed to be the happiest moment of your life. I can’t even be excited about my own wedding.

Perhaps phrasing it as “getting ready together” instead of watching you get ready might have gone over a little better? Getting ready together gives her an action to do instead of just sitting there watching someone do your hair and makeup, and you putting your dress on (which I’ll admit sounds super boring, not that I’d say it out loud to someone who said they wanted me to do it). As for the rest of what you listed it’s likely due to generational differences and a blunt personality. While raining on your parade isn’t cool, could just be who she is.

You are your own person and if your own mother thinks that ANY part of your wedding is "boring", then I wouldn't even want to call her a mother. It's her daughter's once in a life time wedding day! How dare she think it's "boring"?

The words she uses are all hurtful and nothing about wedding is cheesy - if it is, that's the whole point. I would uninvited her if she keeps being a negative Nancy. I would also invite any other lady that you feel very much attached to emotionally. Maybe your grandmother or godmother. Personally, I'd rather have those people around me rather than my own if my own mother continues to criticize anything and every aspect of my own wedding.

Nothing your mom said is going to make or break your wedding... it’s talk. It might be harsh. But the show will go on. And if she doesn’t get ready with you or doesn’t get her makeup done, it’s going to be OK. It’s your wedding not hers. Therefore I don’t think there’s anything you should “do“. She’s your mom. Let her enjoy your day in her own way. Ignore it and keep pushing.

Thanks for everyone’s replies. To give some background, my mom and i have never been close. We’ve always struggled with our relationship. My father passed away 14 years ago who i was very close with. It honestly sucks to have one parent who doesn’t show that she cares. She only provides monetary support which we didn’t need and did not ask for. She told she we should have mentioned her on our invitations saying “Caitlin and Brian and their families invite you to...”. I told her that’s ridiculous. All i ever asked for was for her to act like she cares.

I am am not sure where to go from here
we left on a bad note. I lost my temper and we got into a huge fight and the last thing i said was “don’t come”. Do i just leave it?
She’s going to go tell my whole family i uninvited her to the wedding, (which is another thing she loves doing - making our issues public and trying to make me look like the bad guy)