Super August 2019

Hurt, minor vent

Rebecca, on August 2, 2019 at 3:08 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10
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As some of you know, my mother has RSVP'd no. Then some of my cousins demanded to talk to me. We had a talk.Well, Aug 1 was the deadline for RSVPs.
Precisely one set of cousins had responded at all, and they declined. (They are tricky to read. On the one hand, they had just seen my mom. On the other, they have 3 small children and live 3 states away and they left a nice note.)
No one else has responded.

I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt, and reach out to them to ask if they are coming. I am fairly certain they will say no.
This will leave me with my father, my stepmother, and my father's frat brother and his wife as the only family at the wedding. So, really, the only blood relative there will be my dad.
At a certain point, this just hurts. It hurts a lot. I'm an only child, the cousins I grew up with are the ones on my mom's side (my father's side is .... well, there's a lot of addiction and pain over there, so it's a mess), so they are the closest things to siblings I have.
Taking a big view, I'm not surprised. When my parents divorced, mom's side all but kicked me out. (I was 16.) Some of them reached out to me, but given that my relationship with my mother was even more volatile, then, most of them chose her, because I chose to live with dad. (...Again, I was 16.)

I've tried so hard to stay connected with them. I've babysat their kids, I've made things for their kids, sent them things, visited them if I was anywhere accessible... and they are all letting the wording of the invitation be their excuse not to come.

FFIL says you marry a family. I warned him that was maybe not a great thing to say, because he shouldn't trust my family. I hate being right.


  • B
    Savvy October 2019
    Bee ·
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    I’m sorry to hear that all. We’re in similar situations. My mom died in 2007 and her family refuses to speak to me or my sisters. My dad died in 2013 and now his family refuses to speak to me or my sisters too. My sisters only have each other. One of my sisters I dislike though and will not be getting an invite to the wedding. I’m only inviting 2 relatives - my other sister and her son. I realized that if you have to try so hard to make something work (to reach out, make contact, organizing meet ups) and you’re the only one attempting to do so then it just isn’t going to work out. I will just exhaust you mentally and emotionally.

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  • Alicia
    Dedicated October 2018
    Alicia ·
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    Hi, I’m sorry you’re going through that, that would be hard. I had a lot of family at mine, but my grandma didn’t come and it hurt me. I just couldn’t Beleive she wouldn’t want to come to my wedding, but I still love her very much and see her. She also didn’t go to my dad’s wedding (her son) when he got remarried, that hurt him too. I don’t know what to say except I’m sorry you’re going through that, and sometimes your friends can be closer than family. I would be thankful for those who do show up. If someone lives out of state that is understandable not to come. None of my cousins who lived out of state came to mine, even the one who lived one state over. You could try reaching out if there is someone you really want to come, and see what happens. But if they don’t come at least you know you tried and they may or may not regret it later, but at least you can focus on and be thankful for the people who do come, family or not.
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  • Samantha
    Super August 2019
    Samantha ·
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    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Family is tough.. I’m having a similar problem and it hurts, so I understand. My parents will be the only family coming to my wedding - they adopted me. My only blood relatives I still speak to (aunt and my brother!) decided they didn’t want to come. I could’ve invited a couple cousins I kind of still speak with but we aren’t close and frankly I wouldn’t want them there. My biological families basically disowned me after the passing of my bio dad because my bio mom was psycho and they didn’t want anything to do with her. So I only talk to my brother and aunt and it’s a shame they’d rather make excuses not to come.

    The bonus is you do marry into a new family and I’m blessed my FH family is so welcoming and kind, he has a huge family. And my parents will be there with me which is a blessing itself I got a second family after the loss and trouble I experienced as a kid. Hang in there and know that your FH family is now part of your family too and they will be there for you on your big day.
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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    So sorry you are going through that. It is heartbreaking when family treats you that way. Just try to concentrate on the ones that are excited & supportive, so you can enjoy you big day. You get a whole new family now, so it's almost like a second chance. Hope everything works out for you! *Heart Hugs*

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  • Cyndy
    Master May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    Sorry you are dealing with this. My husband went through similar struggles for our wedding. His parents are both deceased and his only brother refused to attend due to some stupid crap between them. His niece and uncles and aunts also did not come because they sided with the brother and don’t even know what was going on. It’s all
    so crazy, BUT my husband had lots of friends and of course my entire family who loves him so he embraced that. Keep in my that family is not just blood relatives! Good luck.
    • Reply
  • Andrea
    VIP April 2020
    Andrea ·
    • Flag

    Family situations can be so hard sometimes... I'm really sorry you're going through all of this. Especially while planning a wedding. It seems when a wedding comes around, you see everyone's true colors, especially those who have a blood tie with you. Those who love and care for you both will be attending your wedding. Try not to stress about it too much. I want you to be happy and smiling on your wedding day! Smiley heart

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  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
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    Sorry to hear :/ but at the end of the day maybe this is better. You'll celebrate and have fun with the people that want to be there to support you.
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  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
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    I am sorry to hear this. May I ask what was it about the wording of the invite that started something? Was it your dad and stepmom doing the inviting?

    When we wed my hubby had two relatives there: His sister and cousin (Best Man) his parents were unable to travel (we were 52 when we wed, his folks were 83 and 90, lol!) They were supportive, though.

    Sounds like there is a lot of toxic stuff going on and to be blunt: You are ALL better off without them there. They would have shown up with some scores to settle and made the day about them, not you.

    Best wishes and again, I am sorry.

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  • Cher Horowitz
    Rockstar December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    I'm so sorry you're having to go through this!

    Honestly, it's your mom and her family's loss. If they don't want to celebrate your special day, that's something they can regret later on. Just know they're going to miss out on so much and it's a reflection on them, not you!

    I hope you feel better soon Smiley heart

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  • H
    Devoted November 2019
    Heather ·
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    Its dissappointing when family doesn't live up to what you believe is normal but most of us have some dysfunction in our families. Just focus on who you want to be there "as they are" and dont feel the need to follow a tradition. Keep people around you that love you and want the best for you. This is you teaching people how to treat you.
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