Hurt by lack of consideration from friends

Ugh I’m so sorry your going through this and that they haven’t been supportive this is such a hard time and having the support of your close friends means everything right now. With everything being ripped away from us the little things go along way. To be honest I think you can only go so long and hold it in it’s up to you but I think if that was me I may reach out and just say I know this is a hard time for everyone but I was deeply hurt but the lack of support I have received during a time that should have been the happiest for me and then kind of go from there and see what they say. But totally your call on how you feel about that! Hang in there and I hope things get better for you!

I understand your disappointment, but it may be more productive to discuss this with your FS or other brides and grooms who are going through the same thing. People’s worlds are turned upside down right now. People are losing jobs, adjusting to working from home, going through financial hardships, their mental and physical health is likely impacted. It’s unfortunate that they didn’t reach out to console you about your cancelled parties, but they have their own lives.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for this advice as I’m experiencing the same as well and found this response helpful

I actually just wrote a blog about this! Things are bad for everyone right now but your feelings are valid. Just because someone in this world may be experiencing worse does not mea you shouldn't be able to grieve right now. After all, you lost something pretty significant and postponing may not be an option. You are absolutely able to feel upset with your friends. I have reached out to family and my husband about this. We eloped upon canceling the wedding. When reaching out to friends they were quick to use "at least" statements with me. "At least you found someone," or "at least you don't have (insert random problem)." Not everyone will be able to practice empathy with you right now considering everyone's lives are turned upside down, however I would seek support from people who won't try to belittle your feelings. That will only make things worse. I wish you the best!

I see your disappointment because i for one would have totally sent a message back with a "aw sorry to hear" at least. but like PPs said, some people just aren't really concerned about an event cancelling anymore because so many things have been. i get where you're coming from because it would be nice to at least be acknowledged but i do think these are things you can talk about with others but not necessarily address to your friends directly because i don't think people mean any harm by it, they probably just didn't think much of it.

Ugh girl, I’m kind of in the same boat, I’m so sorry! I’ve only had one HUGE meltdown about the possibility of changing my date, but if it happens, it happens. My wedding is July 25th 2020. I told my bridesmaids we might postpone and I got almost not reaction from anyone. Like you said, there are worse things going on. I would say something and just let them know that it’s hard for you whether you voice that or not and you would have liked for them to check on you.
Also, I will say this for your bridal party, it sounds like things were planned for you. My bridal party has made no attempts to even plan a bridal shower or bachelorette party for me even prior to COVID-19. Maybe I should take my own advice and say something, but with all that being said, I think you might feel better if you say something and just get it off your chest. I hope this helps!

That sucks. I'm so sorry.

Sorry, it is so hard seeing your plans postponed or cancelled. It is nice that you have been talking to them about things, keeping g in contact. Perhaps you might think about one thing, though. If you had picked up the phone and talked to each of them to cancel, not sent off a text, you may have received a lot more sympathy and understanding. To lots of people, texting stuff like this is like getting a memo a meeting has been cancelled. And if you are graciously trying not to let them know you are hurting the next time you talk to them, they are saying to themselves, wow, good that she can just shrug things off. But then, when the actual time comes around, we will do well by her, and she knows it. Maybe it was a relief to finally make the decision, and know it will all happen at a later date. Have to remember not to bring it up, and get her upset all over again. So they go on like nothing happened. I mean, you sent a text. You didn't even want to talk about it. ????? Sometimes how you send a message greatly affects how it is received, emotionally, and how involved it makes the recipient feel. Had you called, you would have communicated your hurt, and you might have received the feedback you sorely missed. Not deliberate on your side, or theirs. But you used a casual message system , sometimes you get a casual or no response. ........... Totally separate, I would never, ever think it a good thing to call someone on the day they were supposed to go an a trip that got cancelled, much less a party or emotional event like a shower. And never, ever, oh, too bad, this was supposed to be your wedding day. And I am such a keep in touch person, I still write and receive) real letters. 10 months after my first husband died, someone went to what was probably a lot of effort ( I have since realized) to track down my new address and phone, since I had joined the army. And called me to say oh, how awful, this is your anniversary, you must feel so bad... And after I ripped her head off about having a hard enough time without her ripping my feelings open, etc. I was upset for hours. And felt only marginally better when everyone told me anyone who called my on what would have been our anniversary was a heartless bi!!! I should cut out of my life. What a horrible thing, when someone is trying to get past things, to bring it all up again. On and on. But I bring this up to say, what you see as a heartless lack of consideration, then may have seen as not picking at your wounds. If you shared your hurt, called and said it has been hard seeing each day pass, one more thing gone, for now, they might have done their best to comfort you and get you looking forward. If o er time they have proven themselves good friends before, don't write them off for the hings you think they should have done, without seeing that after your text, they might think the nicest thing is to not talk about it, and just look to the future. And be doing just that.

I'm in a very similar situation. The friends I have that aren't caring were supposed to be bridesmaids too. I'm considering redoing the wedding next year but having a new set of bridesmaids that are my family or just eloping

I absolutely understand your hurt and your feelings are totally valid, but be kind to your friends. Cutting them off from your wedding because you don't think they've done enough to prove that they care isn't practicing the empathy you're craving from them. It's great that you're reaching out to them, but part of friendship is reaching out when you're able without expecting something in return because sometimes your friends are too physically, mentally, or emotionally drained to do that. You don't know what they're going through and you are absolutely entitled to support right now, but seek it out from people who you know can spare that right now, like your future spouse.