How would you feel? Awkward Bridesmaid

Generally the advice brides are given on this site is to NOT say anything to someone who is not being asked to be part of the wedding party. It’s pretty much akin to the etiquette of wedding invitations: you don’t say who is *not* invited, you just list who *is* invited from the household.


Being part of someone’s wedding party is not an obligatory exchange, tit-for-tat, I scratch your back you scratch mine sort of thing. Everyone has different reasons for who they pick to be in their wedding party and they are not obligated to provide explanations for their choices.

I imagine she probably didn’t include you because she knows you’re super busy planning your own wedding and did not want to add more to your plate. That’s just a theory, but I also would encourage to not get wrapped up in analyzing why she made her choice. That will only stress you out and prevent you from being happy for your friend.

My guess is that she realizes how busy you are with your own wedding. I wouldn't read into her wedding party choices at all, but I do get how you're feeling.

No, it would be rude of her to confront you about why you were not chosen. You have separate weddings and separate relationships with others. Also, your bridesmaids should not feel obligated to "help out". Their duties are to show up in your requested attire and stand to support you.

It's normal to feel bummed about being left out, but it's your job to deal with your feelings in a healthy and mature way, not your friend's job to placate you. Your friend gets to pick her bridal party the same as you did, and she doesn't "owe" anyone a spot or an explanation of why they weren't picked. It'd definitely be a lot to be in a wedding a month before your own, and I'm sure she recognized how hard that would've been on you. I'd let this go.

A number of women say they do not enjoy being a bridesmaid, nor do they feel slighted by not being asked. It’s not polite to say anything about it to the bride, but whatever you feel either way is valid. However some people don’t talk to each other anymore since they rely on social media to do it for them.

I totally understand why this would feel awkward. I think I would probably feel a certain type of way about this also. However, I think the best thing you can do is just to focus on your own wedding, and view, not being a bridesmaid and hers as a blessing- that’s a lot of extra time and money that you could be dedicating to your own planning process. Congratulations on the upcoming wedding! Don’t let something this small steal an ounce of joy from your own big day! 💕