How to Uninvite People BEFORE Sending Save the Dates

I'm not sure there's a perfect answer for this issue. I mean, you could just say "due to budget constraints I'm not able to invite everyone that I would like to, I hope you understand."

Who says it had to be for the wedding... send them Christmas cards... If you haven't sent out the STD yet, you have not committed to anything. Just make sure you no longer talk about the wedding at all to these people. If they by chance ask that's when you just say you are not able to invite everyone.

Don't even STRESS. You HAVE NOT sent Save the Dates out so you are not obligated to do anything. Most have probably forgotten that you've even asked for their address.

Thanks! I'm mentally crossing them off the list right now!!!

Sorry, I think it's rude. You asked for their addresses for the *expressed purpose* of inviting them to the wedding. That's a verbal invite. If you asked me and then never invited me, I would think it was rude. You don't have to invite them, the others are right, but I'm just letting you know that it won't sit well with some people. I think you should have thought it through better before going around and asking for addresses from everyone under the sun.

Did you tell them explicitly why you were collecting addresses? If so, then it probably won't sit all that well not being invited after all. You haven't sent out STD's or invites, so you haven't *technically* invited them yet, but if you told them "Hey, I need your address for the wedding invitations!!! " it could be hurtful not to follow through.

But if you were just collecting addresses without actually saying why, you could play it off as just trying to update your address books with family and friends and stuff, and then make really sure to send out Christmas cards this year!

She said in her OP that she asked for their addresses with the "expressed purpose" of sending them an invitation. To me, this means she stated the purpose to them.

This happened to me before. It wasn't that big of a deal when I didn't get the invite (or STD). Of course, this was a former co-worker who was getting married in CA while I lived in NY. Anyway, I think people realize that guest lists change and if they ask (which, most people won't) just tell them that your budget changed and you aren't able to accommodate all of the people you had anticipated.

Well you messed up by asking them for your address and letting them know it is for your wedding. So you have the choice either way but just accept some of those being disappointed and be prepared to answer when they ask you later on why they haven't received anything from you.

Technically, you don't have to do anything. You didn't send Save the Dates. However, I really think you should think about not inviting family or some supervisors and not others. You sound like you have totally legit reasons, but just be prepared for some backlash from family and at work.

"After looking at our guestlist and our budget, we've decided to cut back and the only way to do that is by reducing the number of guests at the wedding."

Or just don't say anything at all to them. Reduce your guestlist to those you WANT at your wedding and if someone approaches you or brings it up, use the quote above....

Emily S.- I didn't ask for addresses from "everyone under the sun"; just from the people on my guest list.

Our budget and priorities HAVE changed and we're going through the list now to cut down. We were being pressured by others to invite all kinds of people. It'll still be a big guest list, but it's STILL only close family and close friends.

I also should have mentioned that I started this job about 5 months ago and the only people I speak to outside of work already know they probably aren't getting invitations. It's people I don't talk to much who seem adamant about coming. And the wedding is several states away (like an 11-hour drive).

I already intended to tell people if I couldn't invite them after all. But with Save the Date time drawing near, I figured I ought to rein it in. I have them on the C-list for now, but they'd need more time to prepare since they're out of town. Meaning I have to decide whether to invite them before Save the Dates go out

And that part of my family didn't even attend my brother's wedding and he hung out with them all the time. Can't imagine they'd be too hurt over missing out on my wedding since I never talk to them.

The "C List"!!!??? Oh lord.

This is all so rude.

You send wedding announcements after the wedding you don't have to tell them anything beforehand

Emily S: Why's it rude? It's not like the invitations are going out with a little note that says, "You were on the C list!" What's rude is people assuming they're invited to your wedding and pressuring you into inviting them because they work in the same area as you do.

I definitely have a few invites that I've held back, call it a B list but we are waiting to see how many responses we get from the first run of out of town invites before we invite certain local friends. I don't think it's rude if they don't realize it. Of course we want everyone to come but if space is an issue this is kinda what you have to do.