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Expert June 2021

How to tell your family their kids aren’t invited?

on April 29, 2020 at 10:12 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11
My wedding is about 13 months away so I know I have time to tackle this but every time I feel secure in our decision I read an article on how horrible we are for not inviting kids and I play all of the possible fights and arguments that may come from relatives in my mind and have a small panic attack.


But our reason for not inviting kids isn’t what these articles are claiming. It’s not because kids can be loud or could disrupt the ceremony or anything like that. It’s because we simply can not afford them. My mom is 1 of 12 and each of her siblings have multiple children (about 4-6) these are my first cousins and 80 percent of those cousins have children that I can’t afford. I can afford the 11 of her siblings and their spouses and my first cousins but I can afford my cousins children. And that’s only one side of the family I still have my dads and then my fiancé’s families.
So how can we get the message across that the reason their kids aren’t invited isn’t because we don’t want them there but because we really can’t afford it without doubling our guest list and increasing our budget well above what we can afford.
My fiancé and I are paying for our wedding completely out of pocket. We are not taking out loans or using our savings or credit cards we are simply saving from every paycheck a certain amount that will give us the exact number we need to cover the wedding, limo, wedding night accommodation, hair makeup and attire.
So the only way to invite everyones children is to cut the limo, wedding night accommodations, hair and makeup and attire just to afford the kids and we can’t do that.
We just want our guests to know it’s seriously not personal as to why their kids can’t come. It has everything to do with not being able to afford it. It wouldn’t be right to invite some children but not all. So we aren’t having any. But if there’s a way to communicate that so maybe it’s not such a hard blow to them when they see their kids aren’t invited please let me know. This anxiety is killing me.

11 Comments

Latest activity by Alys, on May 4, 2020 at 1:18 AM
  • Samantha
    VIP October 2020
    Samantha ·
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    "We wish we could host your family, but due to budget constraints, we are having an adult-only wedding."

    • Reply
  • K
    Savvy September 2020
    Kaitlyn ·
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    We put on our wedding website that it is a "Date Night" for parents, and that even though we love all of the children, this will be an adult-only event. I can't remember the exact wording, but it was something like that. We are also only putting the adult names on the RSVP. The only guests that have children (that aren't adult age) have already been told and they were understanding.

    We also have a creek the runs right through the property (very deep) that we will be walk over a bridge from ceremony to reception. I know that I, as a bride, am not expected to watch people's children, but it still makes me nervous, especially when alcohol is involved.

    I hope this helps.

    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    As long as you’re not inviting some kids and not others, you’re not likely to get many bad reactions. I’m sure there will be one negative Nancy, but they will typically find something to complain about no matter what. I’m of the thought process that invitations are meant to tell you who is invited to an event, not who isn’t. Make sure to appropriately address the invite to the parent(s) and not “The Smith Family.” Also specify on the RSVP card how many seats you have reserved for their household. If someone approaches you about bringing their children, tell them “we would love to invite everyone, however, we do have strict space and budget constraints.”
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  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    We aren't having kids there for multiple reasons, and we made sure to let people know by word of mouth and via our website that it was adult only. We didn't have a bad reaction from anyone! You invite who YOU want there and don't feel bad about it!

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  • Taylor
    VIP October 2020
    Taylor ·
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    I literally wouldn't say anything unless asked. I invited my mom's half siblings that I've only met twice in my lifetime. They aren't close at all but I did it as a courtesy to my mom. I couldn't afford to invite their kids because between the three siblings, there's 14 of them. They also live in NY and my wedding is in TX. We had already hit our max guest limit and I wasn't going to uninvite close friends in order to invite 14 children that I have never met and quite frankly, would have no impact on my day being better... Call me heartless. lol I did receive several fb messages from my moms half sister trying to guilt me into inviting them but I didn't budge. They're not coming at all now. Perfectly fine in my book!

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  • Autumn
    Devoted July 2020
    Autumn ·
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    We don't want kids at our wedding, wrote on our original RSVPs "Our celebration is limited to adult guests."

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  • T
    Super October 2020
    Trisha ·
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    We Put "Adults Only" On Our Wedding Website. If They Act Like Adults You Shouldn't Have Any issues Or Have To Explain Yourself To Anyone.

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  • R
    Devoted December 2020
    Rachel ·
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    We’re not having kids at our wedding, and have been mainly using word of mouth to let people know as well as addressing invites appropriately, but we are also including “adults only” on the enclosure cards so there is no gray area.
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  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
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    We put an insert in with the invitations that were going to house holds with kids that said,

    "Parents, we want you to be able to fully enjoy the wedding so we are requesting that all kiddos be left at home. thanks so much and we hope that you can celebrate with us on our special day!"

    Everyone respected our wishes and got sitters.


    • Reply
  • E
    Dedicated March 2021
    Evelyn ·
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    My wedding invites is Adult Only
    Weddings are for adults only and bridal kids if any! All parents as guests should have their nanny in place for the day of your wedding. That is why save dates are mailed a year in advance. I never took my kids to any wedding unless they were allowed. That is to be respected from every parents.

    All weddings should be no kids unless they belong to either bride or groom or part of the bridal party. This allows all adults to enjoy a date night and not have to tend to their kids.
    • Reply
  • A
    Dedicated September 2020
    Alys ·
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    If only adults names are on the invite, it’s understood that children are not invited. If children’s names are listed under the adults names on the invites then they are invited. For rsvp, make them list who is attending and the number. If relatives “pencil in” their kids, send them a message explaining it’s an adults only event and no children were invited at all, not just theirs.
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