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Super March 2019

How to tell people no?

Nisa, on March 19, 2018 at 5:38 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 24

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I've seen this discussed before and never thought it would really apply to me. How do you tell someone that they aren't invited? Our wedding is still a year away and the guest list hasn't been finalized yet, but someone I knew in college (not a close friend) asked me "hey babe am I invited to your wedding?? 😍😍😍" This came to me as a Snapchat message after she saw me open an early birthday present on Snapchat (bride and groom luggage tags from one of my close friends).

I guess I never thought I would have to deal with this because I didn't think anyone would ask so candidly... My fiance and I aren't very social and our friend group isn't large, and he has a huge family that we have to invite, so we can't accommodate extra guests. I'm not close to this girl at all, and she was kind of like this in college too, asking to do things because she knew people wouldn't say no. The last time I even saw/spoke to her was in 2015.

I know I'm probably just being a huge baby and I should just say "no", but how do I word that? My inability to turn people down is a huge character flaw of mine and I can see how wedding planning is going to be awful if I don't grow a spine.

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Latest activity by Danielle, on March 20, 2018 at 12:10 PM

Super March 2018
chelsey · on March 19, 2018 at 5:42 PM
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I would tell her that the guest list hasn't been made yet and that you are having an intimate wedding. (Unless you are having a huge 350 person wedding, at that point invite her because you won't even see her). That last bit was a joke, just for clarity.
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VIP June 2019
magnolia5 · on March 19, 2018 at 5:45 PM
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I would say that you won't be able to accommodate everyone due to venue capacity restrictions or something along those lines.
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Just Said Yes 0000
Ivy · on March 19, 2018 at 5:47 PM
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My fiance and I are in a similar situation - we have very large families and are paying for everything ourselves, so we have to keep the guest list pretty much "essential personnel only" and is still over 100 guests. For me, the best response has been "We're doing a small ceremony with just family and a couple friends!"
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Master May 2018
A.Magill.Since.May · on March 19, 2018 at 5:48 PM
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"Due to budget constraints we have a limited guest list and will not be able to invite everyone we wanted to" for people whose feeling you really care about.
For college acquaintance you haven't seen in a while, I'd just go with "No", but I'm a little bit of a b!+ch sometimes so maybe the blunt answer isn't for you.
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Savvy September 2018
FutureMrsB · on March 19, 2018 at 5:55 PM
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Honestly if it was just a snapchat message i would ignore it. Especially because you havent seen her in 3 years. If it was a text/call i would just say we are keeping it small!
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VIP September 2018
rica · on March 19, 2018 at 6:01 PM
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Only one person did something similar to me. She asked in a Facebook comment and I just ignored her. Social media is easy that way. I wouldn't respond.
I did get one in-person question that was tough to answer. It was from a teenager I used to babysit and still see once in a while. I had to tell her that we are trying to keep it smaller and might not be inviting kids. Sort of the truth. That one made me feel pretty bad, but it was definitely better than ignoring it in this situation.
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Devoted September 2018
Kim · on March 19, 2018 at 6:03 PM
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"We haven't started our guest list yet (it's a year away!) but it's probably going to be a very small wedding".
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Super May 2019
Jessica · on March 19, 2018 at 6:05 PM
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I had someone on Facebook say "hey, I wouldn't mind an invite! Then I'd get to come visit (my dad and step mom)!"

I went with "We haven't finalized the guest list yet and are planning on a small ceremony, but I'll keep that in mind and let you know if we can squeeze you in."

I've met this woman 3 times. I can promise she's not being squeezed in.
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Master October 2017
O · on March 19, 2018 at 6:07 PM
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I would ignore it. If she asks why, no is a complete sentence; explanations are not necessary.
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Super December 2018
Alyssa · on March 19, 2018 at 6:08 PM
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My issue has been with regular customers at my second job! 'I better get an invite'. No. Just no.
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Dedicated September 2018
Kelsey · on March 19, 2018 at 6:11 PM
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I would just tell her you're having a small/mostly family wedding, so unfortunately you can't invite everyone you'd like to. That way it isn't to personal.
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Master October 2018
Amanda · on March 19, 2018 at 6:22 PM
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My 1 bridesmade said to me shes thinking aboit bringing some guy ( not dateing ) to my wedding lol like wtf ill give her the olus 1 only bevause shes in my bridap party
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VIP December 2018
Casey · on March 19, 2018 at 6:25 PM
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For real, I would just not even answer her 😂
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Super March 2019
Nisa · on March 19, 2018 at 6:33 PM
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Yeah, that's our situation too, I color coded our guest list so far and like 70% is his family! I don't have room to invite extra people 😭
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Super May 2019
Kaylyn · on March 19, 2018 at 6:46 PM
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In these situations I usually just hit them with the “our wedding is still pretty far out so we haven’t finalized the guest list” but I’ve been asked a couple times by the same people so now I have to say “well due to FW having an enormous family, and us wanting to keep the guest list small, we won’t be able to accommodate everyone, sorry!”
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Super March 2019
Nisa · on March 19, 2018 at 6:46 PM
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Oh my goodness! I would hate someone using my wedding as an excuse like that... Yikes!
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Super October 2018
Cassandra · on March 19, 2018 at 7:01 PM
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I would just tell her that due to budget and venue restrictions, you can’t invite as many people as you want. Unfortunately you are inviting close family and friends.
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Dedicated September 2018
Dana · on March 19, 2018 at 7:19 PM
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Its your wedding you can invite whoever you want to hang out with, just remember not to be insulted if you arent invited to her wedding
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Devoted May 2018
TheNextMrsJohnson · on March 19, 2018 at 7:52 PM
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I've had 2 coworkers from my previous job ask me if they will be invited. I have not even seen or spoke to these girls in over 5 years. I just told both of them that I'm already over on my guest list(which I am) and cannot accommodate any more guests. One of them even said let me know if you get no shows and I'll be there lol!!
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Master July 2018
RZ_ToBe · on March 19, 2018 at 7:53 PM
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I've had a few people ask me this and it was awkward. I've done my best to keep anything remotely wedding related off of my social media to avoid it, but nonetheless, it happens. Just tell your college friend exactly what other folks on here have said about your budgeting and capacity. It would also be a good idea not to share anything wedding related on social media anymore to avoid further conflict.
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How to tell people no?

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