how to tell.my dad he isnt walking me down the aisle

Unfortunately I don't think there's a way to do this where it won't hurt him. You just need to be honest with him. To a lot of dads this is still a very sentimental thing so chances are he might get upset, but if you truly don't want him to, you need to just tell him.

Thank you, it litterally gives me aniexty thinking about it

Agree it's going to be a difficult conversation. Can you focus it more on all your Grandmom did for you rather than focus on how he wasn't there.

Is there any way you would be willing to compromise and maybe have them both give you away?

I'm waiting to have this conversation with my dad too. As of right now, my step dad is walking me down the aisle and my dad is invited as a guest. My dad really only talked to me when I had Facebook by commenting on pictures but hasn't talked to me since I stopped social media 2 years ago. He live in AZ and me in CA so we are not close. I've sent save the dates and he still hasn't called me so if/when he does, I'll get ready for that conversation.

You are completely right about it being earned. If he hasn't actually raised you then I see nothing symbolic about him entrusting your new husband to "take over" you. If that makes sense

I had the same issue as you, it gave me so much anxiety I went back to my therapist after 2 years of not going. She has heard it all from me growing up regarding my family and said I definitely needed to stand up for myself and although I didn't want to hurt my dad I couldn't worry about his feelings, that if anything I should be worried about my moms feelings considering she's the person who has earned that right, and although he might be sad he can't walk me, it's even more sad that he wasn't there for me growing up. So my mom is walking me (she refuses to walk with him for it to be a duo) ... I went the "cowards" way out and asked if he could walk down my half sister who will only be one because I want her as a flower girl. I'm hoping he gets the hint and if not my planner can deal with it at the rehearsal.

I understand it....but as someone who lost their father long ago, it should be something you really think through. There's no way to not destroy his feelings, even though he wronged you. It's personal but I don't see a way out of it without damaging things.

I kind of had this same issue. I love my stepdad, he's been there most of my life but I'm extremely close to my mom. So how i kind of sorted it out was we agreed that my mom would walk me down the isle and give me away, and I would dance with my step-dad for the father-daughter dance. Hope it helps! Its a hard thing to talk about no matter how you choose to do it.

Thanks everyone the advice is great & glad other people are in the same boat. as for him walking me with my grandmom.my grandmom can't stand my father and would do it for me if I asked but I know she wouldn't be happy about it . the thing is with my dad is he thinks I'm so forgiving and forgot about everything, and acts like nothing has happened . I am very forgiving , which is why I allow myself to have a father daughter relationship with him, but it doesn't take away from everything my grandmother has done for me. sorry now I'm just ranting lol

I had to have the same conversation except for my relationship with my dad has always been bad. He was only around when it was convenient for him. I held off on the convo because he never brought up the wedding. When he finally did I told him and he was very hurt. He ended up not coming to the wedding and writing me a letter to tell me he is out of my life. So I guess be prepared that his response may not be what you want, but you should do what is right for you. I 100% agree that walking you down the aisle is something he needs to earn - good luck!

Maybe have your grandmother walk you down and have your dad at the end of the aisle so you can hug him before you go to your groom? I'm not much help, I didn't invite my dad at all.

I feel the same way as you. I do not want to honor my father when so many other people were more involved in my life and deserve that honor more. I am walking myself down with my FH meeting me halfway. I think it is less painful because it is not like he is being replaced. Also I do not believe I am anyone's to be given away. I have been financially independent for 10 years and can walk my own self down the aisle.

Next time he brings it up, I would tell him you've already asked your grandmother because she's been there for you and given you stability and comfort your whole life. It will hurt his feelings and possibly make him angry, but the cold hard facts are that while he was making bad choices and getting locked away, your grandmother raised you. She's the one who earned that role, so let her have it without feeling guilty about it.

My best friend walked his sister down the aisle, because their father wasn't present or financially supportive during their childhood and started a second family. They only got in contact in their 20s. Yet he still thought he deserved the honor. There was drama before the wedding - he threatened not to come, paternal grandparents actually didn't attend also in protest. In the end their father DID show up albeit drunk so it sort of works out???? My friend is still kind of mad at him.

Have them both walk you down. Everyone makes mistakes and having this honor may have a major impact on his life. It's just a walk down the aisle when you really think about it, you're not giving him your winning lottery ticket.

Have them both walk you down

If you honestly don't want him to walk you down the aisle, Don't!!

I can't stand when people tell you to just suck it up because faaamily. Relationships are earned and it's great that your dad is finally working on it but that doesn't give him a free pass for father of the year and everything else gets swept under the rug. If you are not comfortable with it, tell him no.

Are you having a father/daughter dance? Could you have a dance with your grandma and arrange for him to cut in halfway through the song? or vice versa? then tell him that is the moment you imagined for him to share with you. Dad, you've had a misunderstanding; I've already decided to have your gma walk me down the aisle. Your FH can still give grandma a hug and shake your father's had when you get there though.