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Savvy October 2021

How to tell Mom she isn't invited to bachelorette party?

Robyn, on October 23, 2019 at 12:53 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 15

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Explanation on how this came to be:
I've been texting my sister (MOH) some ideas for my bachelorette party recently. But yesterday I sent a message on Facebook to my sister with a link for Vegas bachelorette ideas. And my mom saw it because they share my sisters Facebook. It's no big deal if she sees but then my mom sent me a text saying she wanted to go. I thought she was joking so I ignored it but then she called today and said that she can come and hang out during the day and then go with my sister and another friend (both under 21) at night to see a show. So my mom just kind of invited herself... And I didn't say anything but I feel like a bachelorette weekend is the entire weekend and that if she went with us we wouldn't have as much fun or be able to be ourselves.

And I mean I clearly don't want to fight with my mom or hurt her feelings especially over the phone. So my plan is to just wait a bit and tell her in person but I don't know what to say.

What's the best way to tell her I don't want her to go?

(Note: I'm more chill and my mom is more loud and overbearing so I'm afraid that she will get really upset at me. Just need to know how to word it so she's happy too.)

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15 Comments

Latest activity by Robyn, on October 26, 2019 at 2:41 PM

Legend July 2019
MrsD · on October 23, 2019 at 1:07 PM
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Is your sister planning it? I'd have her kindly tell your mother it's a trip for the bridesmaids & you, not moms. But your mom can still be included in the bridal shower & all other wedding-related things! It's not standard that moms going on bachelorette parties so I wouldn't feel bad, it's your trip!
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Savvy October 2021
Robyn · on October 23, 2019 at 1:19 PM
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Yes my sister is planning it but I know my mom hasn't said anything to my sister about coming along. Anyway I will gladly tell my sister and dump this responsibility on her 😂
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on October 23, 2019 at 1:22 PM
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I'd keep all bach communication on text too, not Facebook so your mom doesn't see it!
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VIP November 2016
Tara · on October 23, 2019 at 2:04 PM
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You definitely shouldn't feel bad about not wanting your mom there... Mothers don't typically go and it's quite odd she'd even want to be there. I definitely agree with the previous suggestion of having your sister tell your mom. Why do they share a Facebook anyway? That seems so odd to me, haha. It's always weird when someone wants to invite themselves to something, regardless of who or what. If you have to be the one to break it to her maybe just explain it's not really meant to be a family trip, it's for you and your bridesmaids and you don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable or not be able to let loose so you'd rather her not attend.
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August 2022
Da Mom · on October 23, 2019 at 2:09 PM
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One of my daughter's invited me to her bach party and I declined. I didn't think it would be the kind of thing I would feel comfortable doing with my daughters (bride and 2 BMs). Her MIL and bio mom went and I heard it was all kinds of awkward. I would ask your sister to step in here and be the "bad guy" to tell your mom she wasn't invited. Sorry you're in this position.
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Savvy October 2021
Robyn · on October 23, 2019 at 2:10 PM
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Yeah I've learned my lesson now! I just thought it was kind of an unspoken thing that mom's don't go lol
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Savvy October 2021
Robyn · on October 23, 2019 at 2:13 PM
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I actually have no idea why they share a FB. Heck I don't know why my mom wants to go. I think she imagines my friends and I are much more time than we really are 😂 But yeah thank you. If my sister chickens out I'll just tell her that and hope she understands!
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VIP March 2019
Yoice · on October 23, 2019 at 2:13 PM
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I don’t think you should tell her you don’t want her there just that it isn’t the place for moms and it might make everyone uncomfortable. I’ll have your MOH take care of it instead since she’s planning it all.
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Savvy October 2021
Robyn · on October 23, 2019 at 2:15 PM
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Yeah I feel like it would only be awkward for the parents. I might tell my sister to throw in there that she probably won't have fun with a bunch of 20 something's acting like.....well 20 something's lol
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August 2022
Da Mom · on October 23, 2019 at 2:26 PM
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Oh, I forgot to mention that you might not want to take anyone under 21 along to Vegas either. You have to be 21 years old just to be in a casino. They can only walk through the casino to enter or exit the building - can't stand next to a machine, and certainly cannot gamble. We took our oldest daughter to Vegas on her 21st birthday and she got carded constantly in the casinos - something to keep in mind.
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Devoted March 2021
Emma · on October 23, 2019 at 3:00 PM
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I agree with people in having your sister break the bad news. But then maybe you can turn around and give her something to plan. That way its more of well we didn't plan for you to do this but I still want you involved. I don't know that I've ever heard a mom on a bachelorette party.
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Master 0000
Judith · on October 23, 2019 at 3:16 PM
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It is most common for mothers and father's not to go to bachelorette or bachelor parties. They are most commonly for the B or G generation, +or- maybe 15 years, and not parents. Take a separate weekend and go to dinner and a show with your mom, maybe a couple of older family would enjoy, or mom's friends whom you know. Not your bachelorette.
Both groups will be happier
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Devoted July 2020
Brandi · on October 23, 2019 at 5:09 PM
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My only question is, is it possible that mom just wants to go to Vegas? I get it. You don’t want mom there but she may not want to be with you. She may just want to go to Vegas. I would clarify. Anyway, throwing on your sister won’t help. So, be ready to reinforce that you just want a weekend with your girls and would love to spend time with her for another opportunity.
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Expert October 2019
Megan · on October 23, 2019 at 9:47 PM
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My mom, stepmom and MIL were invited to mine BUT... I had a surprise Bach party and all we did was eat dinner, have a couple drinks and go painting. It was an activity that I was comfortable including them in. If I was planning a party like yours, no way. I love all of them but if I want to cut loose in my own way, I wouldnt want them there.
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Savvy October 2021
Robyn · on October 26, 2019 at 2:41 PM
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We know. We don't plan on gambling at all. It's just not my thing. So I'm thinking going to the pool and exploring Vegas during the day and doing more "everyone friendly" things. They can go to most shows and even chippendales is 18+. The only time we will part is the one night I want to go clubbing. Everyone wants to do Vegas. Even the ones who will be 20 at the time.
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How to tell Mom she isn't invited to bachelorette party?

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