AJ
Super October 2022

How to Say...?

AJ, on August 5, 2021 at 8:38 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 19
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I see posts all the time about having a kid free wedding, but how are you all actually wording it on your invite? We aren't having a wedding website so can't put it there - we would rather put it on a detail card with our invites.


I had it as: To allow all guests to relax and enjoy themselves, we have chosen to make our special day adults only. We thank you for your understanding.

But I'm not liking that much. We are only allowing kids who are apart of the wedding party to be invited.


So I was thinking: We respectfully request this is an adult-only event. Only children who are apart of the wedding party will be present.


What do you all think? Any advice or other suggestions?

19 Comments

Latest activity by AJ, on August 9, 2021 at 2:00 PM
  • Jasmine E.
    Rockstar May 2022
    Jasmine E. ·
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    I've heard that you can put "Adult reception to follow" under the timing and location info. For example:


    John Doe and Jane Smith invite you to celebrate their marriage(Date, Year)at (Time) o'clock(Venue)(City, State)Adult reception immediately following
    Also put "we have reserved 2 seats in your honor" in the RSVP card. Do not put a place for them to write another number.
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  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
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    I was thinking about that on the RSVP card too, I really want to make it VERY clear that we don't want kids there (other than ring bearer and flower girl)

    I like that idea of putting it under timing and location info! - thanks!

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  • Jasmine E.
    Rockstar May 2022
    Jasmine E. ·
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    Unfortunately, with these things, I think no matter how hard you try, someone won't get the message! I would be ready to make a few phone calls to those people.
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  • Clarissa
    Rockstar October 2021
    Clarissa ·
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    How to Say...? 1
    This is what I did for my RSVPs. I only addressed the couple and I put number of guest invited.
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  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
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    Oh for sure, I'm worried about my FH's cousin who in 2015 had an adults only wedding and now that they have kids they'll expect them to be invited

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  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
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    Oh I love that! thanks!

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  • Chloe
    Devoted February 2022
    Chloe ·
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    We too are having an adults-only reception with lots of alcohol and open fires. We've addressed the RSVPs to the adults (not Family XYZ, but A and B XYZ) and there are three possible answers: that they will attend alone, as a couple or not at all. We also have a FAQ on our website, which addresses the issue. It pretty much says "due to the lack of suitable premises we have decided not to organise childcare or a children's menu". People do get the hint. I actually wanted to make it clearer that we wish for a child-free reception, but my fiancé didn't want to risk people getting too upset (this has apparently happened in his family before and people are still holding grudges). Still, it says pretty clearly that if people decide to bring their children, they'll have to take of them themselves and it worked - so far, only one couple will be bringing their baby (but we expected it since the baby will be 10 months old so too young to stay with grandma, so it's fine, we've booked them a room within the baby monitor range). Everyone else is coming without their kids.
    Honestly, the only people who don't seem to get it are parents of teenagers, trying to force us to invite their pimply, permanently bored offspring because "this would be such a wonderful event for them".
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  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
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    Thanks Chloe!

    So my issue is my FH's uncle who he is very close with has an older daughter from a previous relationship so she's 30, and has two adopted kids that are in high school and middle school. I feel weird only inviting the 30 year old and not the other two because they are all the uncles children. Its tricky. I agree teenagers/middle schoolers would be bored out of their minds. I more don't want the fussy toddlers who can't sit still at the ceremony and then running around like crazy at the reception and family being like "its SO CUTE" like no it isn't lol

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  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
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    Our details card will have a line saying "We are only able to extend our invitations to children of the immediate wedding party. We apologize for any inconvenience and hope that you can still join us to celebrate our special day."

    We may also be putting "___ of # adults attending" on our RSVPs just to really drive the point home. We've got a lot of kids of different ages on both sides, so I don't want people thinking their 16 year old could be invited, therefore they can also bring their 10 year old. We have 18+ as a rule for that reason.

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  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
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    Thanks Jessi!

    I don't know how I feel about "we apologize for any inconvenience" it sounds like an apology for something that shouldn't be apologized for? I don't know, maybe I'm thinking too much about this lol

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  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
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    I don't love having to put it and would rather not, but I can see certain people in FH's family losing their mind over the fact that their kids aren't invited so I feel the need to apologize 🙃 You can definitely omit that part because it shouldn't be something to apologize for!

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  • Chloe
    Devoted February 2022
    Chloe ·
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    You're very welcome!
    In tricky cases like this one, I would try to speak to your uncle... Suggest to him that you fear that the younger children would be bored because they would be the only teenagers at the reception (doesn't always work, a friend of mine straight out told me that his daughters can just "play fingers" with each other, whatever that means, but it may be worth a try).
    But you're right, it's the unattended toddlers that are the actual problem. Their parents try to ignore them hoping that someone else will take care of them and it usually ends up with sticky chocolate fingers on your wedding dress. I can survive having a random phone-glued teenager in a corner, but it's a definite no to the smaller kids. Which is why we're stressing the open fires and zero childcare, lol. Maybe you should try it, we're actually having an open fireplace, but candles count as open fires if you ask me.
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    We had an adult-only wedding, and we just addressed our invitations to the names of the people invited (i.e. John and Jane Smith instead of the Smith Family) and it was pretty straightforward. No issues

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  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
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    We will be having an open fire pit outside so if people ask I can address it then
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  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
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    I think I’m stressing about it too much lol, I don’t want people coming back like “oh it didn’t say so I assumed” which is what my FH’s family is great at, assuming.
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  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    I bet there are a few known suspects that will do this, so a multi pronged approach may work.
    1. Specific names on the invitation.
    2. “We have reserved X seats for you” on the RSVP.3. FH identifies who usually does this and is in the lookout for them, heading it off. Let him handle his people, you handle yours. 4. When people ask, don’t try to justify. “It’s an adult only event.” BUT WHY THEY SAY. “We want it that way.” THAT’S NOT FAIR. Look at them with confusion, raised eyebrows and concern that they have been taken over by aliens from a very rude planet and don’t reply.
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  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
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    Lol thanks Samantha! I've decided to address envelopes accordingly and list it on a details card as "we respectfully request this is an adult-only event. Only children who are part of the wedding party will be present" and am leaving it that

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  • S
    Dedicated September 2021
    Sarah ·
    • Flag

    Unfortunately, you can do all of the above and people will STILL try to bring kids. Our invitations and website both state that it's an adults only event. I invited my cousin and his wife, addressed to them specifically on the invites. I got a message (on my engagement photos post), talking about how the kid (whom I don't think I've ever actually met) is 12 and is he invited? No, no he is not. So, instead of leaving the kid with another family member, they're bringing the kid to our destination wedding and my cousin will be staying at the hotel with him and his wife will attend.

    Sometimes, people just don't listen.

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  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
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    I guess I'll just deal with it as it happens Smiley sad ugh that is so frustrating and people are the actual worst

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