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Just Said Yes September 2020

How to remind my manager of a wedding gift he promised?

Sarah, on October 1, 2020 at 9:00 AM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 31

I have a friendly as well as professional relationship with my boss and my manager. My manager came to my wedding, while my boss did not because he was older and we are living in covid times. Before the wedding my boss called to congratulate me and told me that he would send a gift through my...
I have a friendly as well as professional relationship with my boss and my manager. My manager came to my wedding, while my boss did not because he was older and we are living in covid times.


Before the wedding my boss called to congratulate me and told me that he would send a gift through my manager who is attending.
My manager did not give me a gift at the wedding. But he called me afterwards to let me know that he will give me the wedding gift at a lunch meeting. We were pretty busy that day and did not get to talk in person. In the end, he was rushing to leave for another meeting. So I did not get the gift and he said nothing afterwards about that.
I want to remind him that I did not receive the gift but I don’t know how. It’s a gift so I am okay if I do not get it; and I am certainly not going to cause unhappy feelings at work for this.
But I feel I should point out because it has happened before that my manager would tell me that he is going to send an email or task to me and then forget to do so, while thinking that he has done it because he mistook the memory of the conversation for the actual sending/telling me.
I tried to mention to my manager about the wedding in passing and that did not prompt him to remember the wedding gift. Now that we are working from home, I cannot just knock on his door and talk in person about it. As I am doing thank you notes, I feel (fear) that both my boss and my manager thought they have given the gift.
How should I go about asking? Honestly I just want to avoid the situation where both my boss and my manager think they had given it to me.

31 Comments

  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
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    I hadn’t even thought about the boss watching for the check to be cashed. That is a very good point! And what if it was a very generous amount of money he gifted? I know I would want to say more than just a generic thank you message, which is what would have to be done if the gift isn’t received
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  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
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    Plus, if you don’t say anything, and it comes out later to your boss, it’s going to look very odd that you thanked him for a gift that you never received
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  • Mrs. Coakley
    Master June 2017
    Mrs. Coakley ·
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    No there is no need to send a thank you note if you never received a gift. The reception is the “thank you” for attending. If they didn’t get a thank you note, that just might remind them they didn’t give you the gift. But otherwise I wouldn’t bring it up.
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  • S
    Just Said Yes September 2020
    Sarah ·
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    Sigh! So my current plan is to just write a thank you note that says I hope to see him at the reception next year (we postponed the reception and had only a very small ceremony), without mentioning the gift. I know it may appear rude that I don’t say anything about a supposedly generous gift. But like you said I cant thank him for a gift I did not receive.
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  • S
    Just Said Yes September 2020
    Sarah ·
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    Yeah... But then I don’t want them to think that they sent a gift and I did not send thank you notes. I don’t think my manager would purposely not give a gift, or worse take my boss’ gift. I honestly think he believed that he gave it to me because he told he would do it over the phone. They are still my boss/manager so I would rather send thank you notes just for their well wishes.
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  • Jessica
    Dedicated July 2020
    Jessica ·
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    I may have misread this. Was this gift from your boss...but he was trusting your manager to deliver the gift on his behalf? If that is the case I think you can ask or go to your boss and mention is mah have been forgotten along the way and wanted to check in.


    Apologies if I misread the meaning though!
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  • Jessica
    Dedicated July 2020
    Jessica ·
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    I only read the first page before commenting (facepalm). It looks like that was the case.


    I think it would be weird if you didn’t mention something to at least the boss, if not both boss and manager Mentioning you were keeping an eye out for it but hadn’t seen it come through and maybe it was misplaced or you missed it somehow.
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  • Suzie
    Super October 2021
    Suzie ·
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    I still would not send a thank you to him. Let him wonder and connect with your manager to confirm he passed the gift along. This is not on you at all. If your boss mentions it to you, say you never received anything and didn’t think it was appropriate to ask. The only way I agree it is potentially ok to ask, is how pp mentioned talking to your boss and saying how you’re getting ready to fill out thank yous, and realized you never picked up your gift from your boss, and could you stop by to grab it.

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  • Suzie
    Super October 2021
    Suzie ·
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    Talking to your manager* I mean, the one holding your gift hostage lol

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  • Mrs. Coakley
    Master June 2017
    Mrs. Coakley ·
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    Honestly I wouldn’t because etiquette-wise this comes off as sort of pointing out they didn’t give you a gift. If they don’t get a thank you note, they’ll wonder why and then realize they never gave it to you. Idk personally I’d just let it go if I were you!
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  • A
    Just Said Yes March 2024
    Afzan ·
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    Im in 2024, i guess you should just ask by making a jokes. clearly you cannot let it go when you keep on thinking where is the gift. i don't know why people in the comment makes you look desperate and needy but tbh it's your manager who cannot respect or carry responsibility. either your boss not buy you anything or your manager take it hahahahah

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