How to re-neg on having your used to be bestie in wedding tactfully 😳

Long story..... back in March before we were all made to “stay away” we ran into a personal issue that I needed answers to. I wasn’t sleeping, it bothered me all the time. Finally broke down in tears and spoke w FH about things. He decided it was important enough to go for a ride to speak w our “good friends” in person. When we pulled in he text them both to say we were there and asked that they come outside to speak w us to no avail. He even cAlled them via cell phones and still no reply. He looked at me and asked “what do you want to do we made a trip all this way.... either hop in the vehicle and leave or we knock on the door”? So he knocked...... after a few minutes her hubby stuck his head out the door and asked “whts up”? FH invited him to get his wife and come outside to talk. We had some concerns that needed to be spoke on. He replied we should have called to which we said our calls went to VM and you never answered our texts. He literally closed the door on us and I looked at my FH and said “I’ve just seen everything I had to and answers to the issue we had”. We got Back in Truck and left, flabbergasted at the scene we just experienced. My big thing was what if we were there due to something w our health or a parent passed or we needed a place to lay our heads. On our way home the phone started ringing and it was her and then Him to which we were so disappointed w them we ignored their calls. Next thing you know he is sending a Threatening text to my future husband stating how dare we come to their house and subject their family and to never do that again. He went on to say we were destructive and liars. She text to stick up for what her husband was saying and said he was being protective of his family. Blah blah blah Ummmm..... I thought we were besties which means family but anyhow that was the end of March and we have had zero contact w them. I pretty much have washed my hands with them. I can forgive but I can’t forget. And to “pretend” this never happened and have her a part of MY special day..... I’m just not feeling it one bit. To have or not to have her stand up for me which I already
Know my choice. Looking for proper etiquette on how to let her know I no longer care to have her stand up for me? I realize it’s a choice I will live w for ever but so is the treatment they gave us w very harmful words given. I’m thankful I didn’t let my FH reply to his text because it wasn’t going to be pretty. So..... tell me your thoughts? This is the same bridesmaid that reached out to my FH and asked that he ask her hubby to be in wedding party instead of another friend he is having. She never once brought it up to me. Pretty crappy on her part I would say. Our wedding we choose whom we want to stand up for us regardless if we have spouses or not.