How to politely say hell no?

That you would rather have all family attend as guests to enjoy the wedding as oppose to being vendors

No is a complete sentence. Don't feel the need to defend your decision to anyone else

"Thank you but we've already found someone we are considering."

"Thank you for the suggestion; we'll take it under advisement."

OR

"Thank you for the suggestion, but we've already found someone that suits our needs." (Even if it's not true - how are they to know? )

Politely decline and say you would rather your family members enjoy the wedding as guests (or party members). And look for a professional officiant asap.

"Dear FSILs, thank you so much for your suggestion, but I would really love for FFIL to just enjoy the wedding as a guest (assuming he is invited to the wedding) and not have to stress about the ceremony. I appreciate the offer, but FH and I are going to hire someone who is not a guest so our family can better enjoy the day."

Who are these flake officiants that bail without a replacement? Nothing could come up that makes that behaviour acceptable.

But I digress.

No to your FFIL. He sounds awful. You do not have to justify this to anyone, but you CAN say that you want him to enjoy the wedding. (I'd not even invite him frankly, but it's probably too late for that.....)

Start calling around. It's not really in season yet; I just booked a wedding for 4.7 yesterday. If you let me know where you are, maybe I know someone.

Good luck!

Has he asked you directly? If so: "No, thank you (while thinking, as my mama used to say "No, fuck you."

If someone is asking on his behalf: "No, thank you (while thinking, as my mama used to say "No you fucking beezeenees."

You're not straining anything, he is, as again, the OG Nonna would say an "assahola."

Has FH talked to him on how he talks to you? That sounds horrible.

That said, I would just ignore them unless they brought it up with me directly, then just say no. If they get pushy as to why just say "that is our decision". Then once you find someone new, you can say "we already hired a replacement."

Or, if you don't mind white lies you can say jk the original officiant is available. Then hire someone privately. They won't know the person who shows up is different than the original officiant.

"Thanks for the offer. We've already identified a replacement."

You can say HECK NO...sounds a little nicer than hell no....

But I'm with Celia, did you officiant give you a recommendation for any replacements?

She did not. She is from Maryland. We're in Indiana. She's in the midst of a career change - police officer and will have training during that time. I get it.

FH actually has but FFIL claims I'm just too sensitive. And everyone is says he's like this to everyone but that doesn't make it ok, right? He was actually the cause of our first big fight. I got tired of holding my hurt feelings in and exploded (my bad) on FH for not standing up for me to his dad. It wasn't pretty but he did go chat with him afterwards.

Https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-K7fCQlUhj0