K
Beginner October 2021

How to Politely Drop My Bridesmaid

Kasia, on April 26, 2021 at 8:20 AM

Posted in Community Conversations 47

Hi All! I had asked my little cousin to be a bridesmaid for my October 30, 2021 wedding. Because we are in a pandemic and my fiance is still battling cancer, we assumed that all invited guests would understand that we expected them to be vaccinated. We also put this on our wedding website. My...
Hi All! I had asked my little cousin to be a bridesmaid for my October 30, 2021 wedding. Because we are in a pandemic and my fiance is still battling cancer, we assumed that all invited guests would understand that we expected them to be vaccinated. We also put this on our wedding website. My bridesmaid in question is my little cousin, who is extremely busy and did not return my touching-base texts for a month. Now she is saying that she just won’t be vaccinated. I can’t put my future husband, or anyone else at risk. How do I ask her to step down?

47 Comments

  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    Just drop her as a bridesmaid and deal with the consequences.

    You don't get to have your cake and eat it too; i.e., disrespect her and her viewpoints/opinions and expect to be able to sugarcoat that and have things be peachy between y'all if that's what you're after.

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  • K
    Beginner October 2021
    Kasia ·
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    If she gave me a reason, I would be willing to work with her on this. But after a month of her not responding to my messages, she hits me with this bombshell out of nowhere. I’m more than willing to do so, I was just asking how.
    • Reply
  • K
    Beginner October 2021
    Kasia ·
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    Oh she’s 24.
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  • K
    Beginner October 2021
    Kasia ·
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    I’m not sure she would be able to. She works almost constantly and travels over state lines frequently.
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  • K
    Beginner October 2021
    Kasia ·
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    It would truly hurt my feelings to know that I had family members who got mad at a request to protect my fiance’s health.
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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    So I do agree she should be responsive. Even if she was worried about how you'd react, she should still have bit the bullet and responded sooner.

    That said, based on what you're saying in other responses I still don't think there is a way to work with her if you're adamant she has to get the vaccine. I get that you're trying to protect your fiancé's health but unfortunately that means telling other people what to do with their bodies in the process and that crosses a very big line.

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  • K
    Beginner October 2021
    Kasia ·
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    I’m not trying to tell anyone what to do with their bodies, please don’t misunderstand. I won’t be forcing anyone to attend my wedding who doesn’t want to get the vaccine.
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  • Ava
    Super May 2022
    Ava ·
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    Absolutely agree girl! It is 100% her right to refuse to be vaccinated. Just like it is 100% your right to refuse to allow anyone at your wedding who isn’t. There is no “right” or “wrong” side here; only individual choices for individual situations. Your request for guests to be vaccinated is completely understandable, and you do not need to feel bad/guilty for that. If there are people who do not wish to comply, that is perfectly acceptable as well. They just will not be able to attend the event. Easy 🤷🏼‍♀️
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  • S
    Expert November 2021
    Sara ·
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    LOL where did I say not taking the vaccine automatically makes someone an anti-vaxxer? In fact, I specifically pointed out that not everyone can safely take the vaccine (example: people with a history of allergic reactions to vaccines).

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  • K
    Beginner October 2021
    Kasia ·
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    Love this perspective. Thank you so much!
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  • Grace
    Rockstar February 2022
    Grace ·
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    There is no way around this except to tell her she has a choice of either getting vaccinated or not attending the wedding. You should not have to risk your fiancé's health for her convenience. Also, this is not you telling her what to do with her body, it is putting the power to decide in her hands and telling her that her choices have consequences. This is doubly true if she is frequently crossing state lines for work and therefore more likely to contract the virus.



    On another note, checking in with all other guests and communicating the requirement for vaccines may be needed. Sounds like you know that but you have already seen what happens when you assume things.
    • Reply
  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow ·
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    You should have made it clear that you wanted her vaccinated as a condition of being a bridemaid when you first asked her to be a bridemaid. If this is a dealbreaker for you, do it fast, over the phone rather than text, and be gracious about the fallout.


    You're honestly trying to have your cake and eat it, too. Even with vaccines, we need to be taking precautions. Social distancing, masking, mimimal guest count, outdoors. Are you having all of that? If you have multiple vendors and a bridal party, it sounds like you're having a bigger or medium sized wedding that will look more like a pre covid wedding.
    No vaccine is 100% effective. Covid won't be gone by October.
    • Reply
  • E
    Expert July 2023
    Eniale ·
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    To answer your question - there is no "polite" way to kick someone out of your wedding.

    Any discussion about your motives for doing so are irrelevant. This action is, by nature, impolite, regardless of reason.

    The only way to do this is to say, "you are not welcome to my wedding any longer."

    • Reply
  • Ava
    Super May 2022
    Ava ·
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    You’re very welcome. Don’t let the “negative Nancys” get you down. I think people have politicized a vaccine and have very strong opinions about anything surrounding them, and tend to judge others based on their own opinions. At the end of the day, this isn’t about whether or not you believe in vaccines, like vaccines, want to/don’t want to/can/can’t get one.. it is about the health, well-being, and LIFE of your fiancé. He is fighting a very courageous battle against cancer, and anyone who thinks putting his health first is “rude” or “asking too much” of their guests is severely bankrupt when it comes to compassion and empathy. It is not rude of you to give your bridesmaid the option of A. getting vaccinated in order to protect your fiancé‘s health, or B. being a compassionate family member who graciously steps down from the role because she does not wish to be vaccinated. People are acting as though you’re telling this girl if she doesn’t get vaccinated she will never leave her house again! LOL You are simply stating a rule for your private event. Like so many brides I see on this site that state it is acceptable to choose what dress their bridesmaids must wear for their event (even if they don’t like the dress or feel comfortable in it, etc.) it’s not like the brides are forcing them to wear it, it is just a condition to be a bridesmaid. The same goes with “no shirt, no shoes, no service”. If people don’t want to follow those rules, they can simply choose not to go into that establishment 🤷🏼‍♀️
    • Reply
  • K
    Beginner October 2021
    Kasia ·
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    I’m not trying to “have my cake and eat it too”. I asked her to be a bridesmaid last year, when the vaccine was still a hope for the future. I’m taking every single precaution possible to be able to give my fiance the wedding he deserves.
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  • K
    Beginner October 2021
    Kasia ·
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    Yeah I don’t understand it. We were instructed by his doctor that an October wedding would be fine if we kept our guest count and did our best to ensure everyone was vaccinated.
    • Reply
  • K
    Beginner October 2021
    Kasia ·
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    I agree, it is probably a good idea to check in with every guest we’re inviting!
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  • K
    Beginner October 2021
    Kasia ·
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    I don’t view it as impolite at all, if done correctly. My motives have meaning, I’m not kicking her out because I dislike her. Just can’t risk my fiance’s health—or that of anyone else for that matter.
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  • Ava
    Super May 2022
    Ava ·
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    Listen to the specialist, and don’t worry about layperson opinions. Your cousin is obviously very close to you and the situation. Just explain to her that you love her and (obviously) want her to be a bridesmaid, but your fiancé’s oncologist has specified guests need to be vaccinated in order to protect his fragile immune system. Let her know that you completely support whatever decision she thinks is best for her own health, and if she determines it is best for to skip the wedding and not be vaccinated you completely understand and support that decision, and you will miss her at your wedding. If I were you, I would also look into live streaming the ceremony. Then you could at least give guests who can’t/won’t be vaccinated the option of attending virtually. And you could offer that up during your talk with your cousin as well. If she says she won’t be vaccinated, you could say “well then I am going to live stream the event so you can still be present with us, even if from a distance”
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  • P
    January 2014
    Pam ·
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    You do realize that being vaccinated doesn't mean a person can't pass the virus to others, right? I really think it's foolhardy, irresponsible, and pretty risky to have anything involving guests in your case right now.

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