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Savvy September 2019

How to politely decline a "friendor"

Stacie, on May 14, 2019 at 5:41 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

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I am the supervisor at my job. Many of my employees have gone above and beyond to make this wedding happen for me with my hectic schedule (some are bridesmaids, one is my planner and another is throwing my bridal shower) and everybody on my staff is invited to any wedding event they wish to attend. I have an employee who graciously offered to gift FH and I our photographer, the catch being she wanted to hire her daughter who does photography on the side (I'm assuming both to help her daughter but also I'm certain she could work out an affordable payment arrangement with her daughter). I looked at her site and she has only done one wedding ever and I honestly wasn't a fan of her work. When the employee offered she did say no pressure if I wanted to go with someone else, and after talking it over and doing plenty of research I fell in love with and booked a different photographer. I'm trying to think of what to say to her that I would like to politely decline but I also want to think of a way to make her feel included and involved, because I'm really her only friend at work and I think she is feeling left out of wedding planning by her other coworkers.... I was also thinking of telling her that we went with a different wedding photographer but would be honored for her daughter to do our engagement photos? But I'm not sure if that's rude when my intention is just the opposite....

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Stacie, on May 14, 2019 at 11:54 PM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on May 14, 2019 at 5:45 PM
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I think your solution sounds like a great compromise. If you don't want her to do your engagement photos or your engagement photos are part of your package, I think "we really appreciate your offer, but we decided to go with a different photographer," is sufficient. I wouldn't offer up anything else that she can help with since it will probably be pretty clear that you're only doing it because you declined her offer. Maybe later on you could run some invitation options by her or ask her opinion on your reception menu.
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Expert June 2019
Tara · on May 14, 2019 at 6:22 PM
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I think that is a good idea or even the rehearsal dinner pictures too!

If you did not tell your coworker that you did not have anyone yet, I would tell her that you already booked someone. A white lie in this case is okay!
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VIP September 2019
Melissa · on May 14, 2019 at 7:11 PM
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I would let her know that ultimately you decided to go another direction but would love to help her build her portfolio with the engagement shoot.
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Expert July 2019
Katherine · on May 14, 2019 at 11:46 PM
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I think a photographer is actually too excessive of a gift for you to receive from someone you supervise. The common rule for gifting in the workplace is that gifts should generally flow down.

i think letting her know how much you appreciate the gesture but that you're going with a different photographer is just fine.
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Super July 2021
Alycia · on May 14, 2019 at 11:51 PM
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Have her shoot your shower, bachelorette, or pre-wedding bridal photos (on the day of your h/m trial, you put on your dress and have photos done.)
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Savvy September 2019
Stacie · on May 14, 2019 at 11:54 PM
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YES!!!! I agree that that's a way excessive gift and that was my first tactic to attempt to poibt that out to her and decline, but she was so insistent in her offer. I think I have to just directly tell her I went with someone else like you suggested.
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