How to politely ask for an adult only reception?

I totally understand wanting an adults only reception. The only child at our wedding will be his nephew who will be our ring bearer.

However, I don't think it would be appropriate to have him in ceremony only unless you can make arrangements. Who would watch him? Would your mom have to go drop him off somewhere? Could you hire a babysitter to be at your venue?

It’s totally fine to have an adults only wedding. It’s also fine to have adults only with the exception of kids in the wedding party. But I don’t think it’s okay to say kids can only come to the ceremony and have to leave before the reception.

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One of my friends live near by our venue and she has a big yard. We were thinking about hiring a baby sitter and rent a bouncy castle during the reception time.

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I think the bottom line is that I don't want a screaming ill-mannered kid at my wedding, should I tell my mom that we don't want a ring bearer and flower girl then?

View Quoted Comment I totally understand that. I just think with ceremony only it starts to become using kids as props for the wedding. It’s completely fine to not have a flower girl or ring bearer and it should be your decision not your moms.

We are doing adults only.

We put the info on our website page (check it out).

We then called and spoke to our friends from out of town with kids to make sure they had seen the website info.

And we included it in small print on back of all invites, included a line on the RSVPs that says we have reserved x amount of seats for you to eliminate any confusion.

We did have someone very important to us back out of the wedding and decide (not only) not to come, but to no longer be in wedding ceremony as our officiant.

We offered to cover cost for child care, flying family member out to care for child during wedding... everything and he still would not agree to come.

Which is unfortunate.

But every other couple with children (even young children, even NEW parents) all said they totally get it and worked out child care. With that much notice it was easier to manage.

Keep in mind, some people won't understand but... this is your wedding and the framework should be what you guys want. Prepare for some kickback. But stick to your guns.

We had the same discussion. Child only reception is fine but you can't have someone in the wedding party and not invited to the reception. So I'd go with not having ring bearer/ flower girl.

We previously were going to have a large ceremony with all 10 of my nieces invited. Plans changed and previous toddlers who were going to be welcome no longer are due to their behavior, only older kids and newborns. They're all going to be in school that day anyway so it makes it easy on their parents.

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That looks amazing! Thank you so much for sharing.

I am designing my invitation and on the bottom I have a little martini glass and the words "adult reception to follow."

I'm not super worried about other kids since most of our friends and family don't have kids yet, but this situation with my mother is worrisome. I'm very grateful that she helped with part of the wedding cost, but I just can't deal with the idea of a badly behaved kid at my wedding. and not just normal kid stuffs, he knows that acting out would get what he wants, so he screams the second something doesn't go his way.

But I can already picture my mom saying "he's your brother he has to be there." I want to say it as politely as possible because she could pull the wedding fund. I'm from a very traditional culture and sons are valued way more than daughters.

Because this is your half-brother, no matter how you phrase it there are going to be hurt feelings and possibly damaged relationships. I like your idea of a bouncy house and that you're providing child care. I'd just tell my mother something along the lines of, "I love you and Brother and it's important to me that I'm able to celebrate my wedding day with you. But, the reception environment will not be appropriate for children and have decided not to extend the invitation to any children. I do not feel comfortable making an exception for Brother. I want him to enjoy the wedding day so I've made accommodations for him at X's house. It will have Y and Z amenities. I know that's not what you had in mind, but I think he'll have more fun at X then he would at a reception with only adults. I still want him to share this experience with him and if he's willing, I'd love for him to still be the ring bearer, but if he'd rather not then I understand."

View Quoted Comment It's always tough for sure.

But stick to your guns.

Explain also that it would not be respectful to other people whom have worked out child care and accommodated your request, for there to be a kid there after all the trouble they went through. It's only fair that it's all or nothing.

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Honestly, doesn't matter how you word it she's still probably going to be upset.

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I agree with W-K. To be told my little guy can be a ring bearer but can't attend the reception WILL hurt feelings. If it is an evening reception he may get tired and want to leave. Please don't underestimate him, he may show a different side of himself when he sees it is a serious occasion!

I’ve had friends have kids in the ceremony but not at the reception. I don’t think it’s a huge deal. If you feel like you need to have them at the reception, you could cap the time at like 7:30 or 8:00 for kids so they’re not there the whole night. If they don’t have a sitter, somebody would have to leave, but hopefully the important stuff would be over!

Another option is getting a sitter to have at the venue. I would be leery about the bouncy house in your friend’s yard just because of liability reasons-if they get hurt on her property it could be a mess.

If he is in the wedding, he should stay at least through dinner, before being whisked off by a babysitter. At 6-7 yrs, 3 hours of actual party is pretty much the max for maintaining company manners and staying at all interested .