How to politely ask bridesmaids to order their dress?!

I should also mention that she lives 4 hours away but she is saying she can only attend one shower/engagement party/bachelorette party because it will cost her too much in gas money and hotels to come. Note: her family lives near me but she refuses to stay with them out of spite. I feel like I went way out of the way to make sure her wedding was perfect and I just can't wrap my brain around this. Not to mention I didn't complain once about the cost of anything and paid up and paid my dues as a bridesmaid and bff. They pull in 6 figures between the two of them so I just can't accept the "it's too expensive" excuse when they go out to fancy bars and restaurants every week. UGH!

I would speak with her and let her know she needs to place the order by (xx/xx) Let her know the boutique wants to make sure the dresses are the correct color, so they are placing one order. If she continues to balk, advice her if money is an issue, you will understand if she needs to step down. Do not bring up what you did for her. Obviously she was a demanding bride and has chosen to be a demanding bridesmatron.

Sadly, it's just priorities... a lot of people never add up the cost of eating out, and don't realize how much it costs. Two paths... 1) offer that since she's said so many times that it's too expensive for her, she can step out and just be an attendee at the wedding (i.e., call her bluff) but if she wants to remain in the party, she has to have her dress ordered by , when your sisters are ordering theirs, OR 2) tell her that you understand that she's being cautious after having recently married herself, so you figure that when the two of you go out she'd spend $50 each time, and you are willing to do less expensive fun things with her, so that she can put that money to her dress. This may help her realize how much she's spending on food or alcohol - but it also offers a solution, and one that means you are contributing/giving something up too, which helps deflect some of the embarrassment of being called out.

Bottom line, always approach someone about a problem having a solution, or a possible solution, to put on the table. It works at work, and in life... You are giving her a choice with both of these approaches, rather than simply being confrontational, you're trying to help her solve the problem.

Whether it's a real problem, or just one she's created in her mind, doesn't matter because she thinks it's real, so this way you are helping her solve it instead of adding to it.

GD it, WW! Not again! ...dress ordered by . 2) tell her you figure she spends $50 per dinner you go out with her, so you will come up with other things you can do that cost less, so she can put that $ towards her dress. That way you're giving her options to solve her problem. It may be a problem that only exists in her head, but what she did to you can't be used against her here - there is no quid pro quo.

You don't know their finances behind closed doors, and it is rude to presume that you do. Did you ask her budget before you required a $215 dress??

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I had 2 of my bridesmaids who acted like this in the beginning of our planning. They both quickly shaped up after I had a 1:1 talk with them and expressed how important it was to me to have them be a part of the wedding. I also let my sister, who is my MOH, send out texts and emails to the bridesmaids giving them a deadline on when to purchase the dress. I hope your friend can be more understanding.

.."dress ordered by the date your sisters are ordered. 2) share that each time you go out with her, it costs her about $xx, and you'd be willing to find less costly things to do with her to let her save that money to put to her dress. Either way, she has options - and if money really is an issue, you give her a face-saving 'out' by letting her step down.

You said she got married a few months ago. she's probably tired of wedding stuff, and I'm sure has spent a load on her own wedding.

other than that, I can only guess. she may have decided she doesn't want to be in the wedding and doesn't want to tell you, but who knows really. maybe she just puts things off. My MOH has been wonderfully supportive through it all, but every step I've tried to take towards her dress, she's put out every excuse in the book to do them.

she all kinds of craziness in her life which I totally understand. but if she doesn't get a dress, then she's going to have no dress. store clerks can't hatch you one because you have good reasons for not shopping sooner. I've told her 'ok, but just don't blame me if you end up walking down the aisle in a pair of jeans and a t shirt that says bridesmaid' she'll be accessorized in a lovely accessory I'm making her, but where does she think this dress will come from? the dress fairies?

I've stopped trying to figure it out. as of now, she's hopefully going to get a black dress at a retail shop we talked about. at this rate I admit that I wouldn't be the least big shocked if I get a call a few weeks from the wedding that she can't get the time off work. as far as I know she hasn't asked for the time off yet.

I have a feeling family members are giving her a hard time about taking a trip away because of family stuff. oh well. I may be maid of honor-less in the end, but no one has shown support like she has our entire lives, and you take people are they are I suppose.

Wow this sounds so similar. My BM's dresses are about that. My one friend is very depressed over the sudden passing of her sister 12/12/12 and her father the following April. She has a history of very poor money management ( she is a flipping RN like me and makes good $ at 18 years of experience). She could not afford the dress ( only half the cost of it needed to actually place the order) when we were ready to order, but just got back from vacation with her Mom and her little dog (very cute tiny thing) has clothes, like multiple outfits. Our other friend put some of the money down on the dress so she could order it. I was willing to do this for my 20 year friend, but I have enough stuff to pay for. I just want her up there with me. I too am not picky about shoes and may pay for their hair end the end if they want it done. Drives me crazy.

I would just say that "If you still want to be a bridesmaid, the dresses need to be ordered by ____ ."

I wouldn't focus on what she chooses to spend her money on, though, as tempting as it is to use for justification against why you think she can afford it. $215 is a big chunk at one time, as is the gas and hotels. It's not your business why she doesn't stay with her family, but you can ask her to stay with you if you really want her there.

She has been really transparent with me and tells me everything so I know all about her finances including how they spend 3-$400 a weekend going out. I did ask all of the bridesmaids their opinion before picking a dress and even found a cheaper option but the girls all wanted the more expensive dress because they liked it more. The dress shop told me to order it with 5 months in advance so that leaves me 2 weeks left for them to order. I think I am going to ask the remainder of girls to have it ordered by the end of September and give this one bm an option of stepping down if she wants.

Whitney, at this late date, asking her to step down is the best decision.

Let her be the one to step down. Kicking a woman out of your wedding is a friendship-ending move (and a tacky one, at that). Let her know by when she needs to order the dress. If she doesn't order it by then, just let sleeping dogs lie and go about your life.

Also, it doesn't matter how much you know about their personal finances; you don't get to dictate how she spends it. And I honestly don't think you know EVERYTHING about her finances.

I would just say "hey dresses need to be ordered by X date. If this is too much for you, it's okay to step down."

Her finances, though, even if she tells you everything, are 0% your business.