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Dedicated March 2021

How to nicely inform people they aren't invited

Julia, on January 18, 2020 at 2:01 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 8

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What has been everyone's experience with telling friends/coworkers they aren't invited to your wedding (because they assume they are)? We are having a smaller wedding, 75 guests max, because we are footing the bill and also our venue is smaller and we don't want it to feel cramped. We're still a little over a year away but already planning and friends/colleagues have been asking us about the details. We try to avoid bringing it up since these people won't be invited (despite what they think). We would love to have everyone there but we simply don't have the space or budget. My family is large, and my FH isn't as close with his so he isn't even inviting all extended family (cousins, etc). I guess I can use that as my angle to let people down gently, but I get anxiety about having to face them and have that conversation, and then see them every day at work LOL. Just wondering how others have handled this aspect.

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Julia, on January 19, 2020 at 9:19 AM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on January 18, 2020 at 2:23 PM
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“Unfortunately we have to keep the guest list to close friends and family due to space constraints. We’d love to celebrate with you after the wedding.”
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Super October 2020
Leslie · on January 18, 2020 at 2:46 PM
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If you’re talking about it, stop talking about it at work. You’re including them by telling them too many details. Yes my coworkers know I’m getting married but none have assumed their invited. I have asked a few close coworkers for their home address which implies I will invite them. If they ask, let them know that the venue is small and limited space is available.
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Master September 2019
Sherry · on January 18, 2020 at 2:50 PM
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You don't. Just don't send them an invitation. If anyone asks about it/assumes they are going to be invited, just make sure you let them know that it will be an intimate family only wedding.
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on January 18, 2020 at 2:59 PM
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Exactly what you said. “ We would love to have everyone there but we simply don't have the space or budget.”
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Dedicated October 2020
Alexis · on January 18, 2020 at 3:09 PM
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When coworkers initially heard news of the engagement there was lots of talk and assumptions. I was vague, not sure about date/venue, that type of thing. Now that the initial engagement excitement has worn off I don’t talk about it and no one brings it up. I will explain we’re having an intimate DW with close friends and family if cornered.
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Super February 2020
Andrea · on January 18, 2020 at 3:48 PM
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I tell everyone only family is invited. Which is true. People stop expecting to be invited and only want to hear details afterwards.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on January 18, 2020 at 4:51 PM
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I think Leslie said it best. I wouldn't talk too much about it. If they ask you questions give him a quick reply and then try to switch the topic. But I would let people know up front that you're keeping the wedding small few close friends and family. That's what I've started telling anyone at my job up front so they knew that there was no way I was inviting them. Now even though we're going to have a very small elopement ceremony with a couple of friends we do plan on having a reception party after the fact but I'm not saying anything to anyone that I don't plan on inviting because I don't want to put the idea in their heads. I keep that talk to only those that know that they will be invited for any celebration related events.
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Dedicated March 2021
Julia · on January 19, 2020 at 9:19 AM
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Thanks everyone! The hardest part is THEY keep bringing it up and I just want to avoid the topic since I know I won't be inviting them. I guess I'm also nervous to tell them now and then feel like they'll be standoffish about it for the next year until the wedding happens. But honestly, they were all on my first draft, and then once we actually counted the number of guests we wanted, and compared with what the venue could comfortably hold and what our budget could accommodate, we had to slash a lot of guests (even including some family we aren't close with). So I guess I'll just have to explain this when the time comes.
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