How to motivate my mom to lose weight for my wedding???

Honestly? You don't. If she's hearing it from two other people daily she doesn't need to hear it from you as well. She's just as aware of it as everyone else is. In this instance helping is actually loving her for who she is right now. If you bring up her weight then she's going to think that you're going to be embarrassed by her in your photos.

I am your mom in this situation in my family, and after finally feeling happy with my wedding dress choice my mom decided to "motivate" me to lose weight for my wedding because her and my dad are (when they really don't need to). That was in July, guess what, I've lost maybe 5lbs from nothing related to trying to lose the weight. It did absolutely nothing except make me upset with my mom and feel worse about myself.

No one is saying you're the bad guy, we're telling you not to become the bad guy. Leave her be.

If you want to motivate yourself then trying to come up with a weekly or monthly schedule to workout and make meals has helped me in the past. That way it's harder to talk yourself out of it when you know exactly what you have to do. But let your mom handle her own weight loss journey. If she becomes interested in your weight loss routine then you can talk about ways to motivate each other.

Hi Grace! So, I also agree with everyone else on how she needs to go on her own weight loss journey. Is the Dr.'s note the only motivation or reason she needs to get her weight loss journey going?

If anything why don't you girls both go on a weight loss journey together? You guys can motivate each other by meal prepping your meals together for the week, going to the gym or attending a class together, etc. I find it nice and helpful whenever I workout with someone.

You can ask her "Hey mom! Would you like to join me on a walk today around the neighborhood?" or "Hey mom! Would you like to attend a class with me today at__?" If she says no then there isn't much you can do because she isn't willing to go and make the change you know? :/ But all you can do is ask!

But here are some motivational tips that may help you both:
-Motivation is never temporary because it is not consistent. We are always looking for ways to get us motivated to get us up and going. Not saying that you can't have motivation, but if anything think of discipline instead. It takes discipline to really work at your goals daily.
-Get rid of any junk food in the house (chips, candy, sugary cereals, etc) - my husband and I went through our pantry last year and got rid of so much bad food and since then we don't crave for any of that stuff (maybe we do every now and then, but not like what we used to) - this also helps with temptation because my husband can't resist any candies whenever he sees it at the house so we just make sure to not have any candy at all at the house lol
-Meal prep! (you can do breakfast, lunch, and dinner but it is definitely up to you) - I try to meal prep lunches for me and my husband, but I am going to start meal prepping for dinners too because we both work such busy hours so it's hard for me sometimes to cook dinner (this can result into ordering take out)
-You can do at home work outs (youtube has tons of workout videos so whatever your goals are just type it into the search bar)

No fat person has ever lost weight in a sustainable, healthy way because people told them they were fat and needed to lose weight. I know you think you'll be helping her, but please listen to this: you cannot help people until they come to you and ask for help. And even then, all you can do is support and assist, but you still can't make the changes for them. The sooner you learn this, the better for your both. Incidentally, losing weight for an event is rarely a good goal anyway (back to that health, sustainable thing).

Aww I feel bad for your mom that her husband and daughter think they have the right to nag her about her weight

I say this as someone who lost 45 lbs 35+ years ago and has (mostly) kept it off, losing/maintaining weight is a personal choice. Personally, I don't think there is ANYTHING anyone can tell someone to "motivate" them; the desire for change has to come from within and on their own timing. Alternatively, having those closest to them nag/badger/suggest that they need to lose weight will likely do a lot more harm than good. As someone who was the MOB, I'd encourage you to focus on helping your mom find an outfit for the wedding she feels beautiful in at her current weight. Even after more than 35 years at a healthy weight, I struggle with body image issues, and finding a dress that I LOVED and felt pretty in, helped me feel confident about my appearance.

You're preaching to the choir after covid it was so hard to get back into that routine of eating better and working out. So one thing that helped spark it for me is having my friends join me at the gym or even my mom. Even if it was just getting active and involving my whole family. Nagging her isn't going to help she will have to want it for herself but, If it's a family joint effort then maybe it will help her get started again.

Don't mention your mom's weight to her at all (if SHE asks you, its okay to say you are concerned about her health and well being if that is true, but otherwise don't let your sister and dad drag you into nagging your mom about her weight). Don't make your wedding a factor in whether or not your mom chooses to try to lose weight.

Weight loss is a personal choice. Being overweight is often a complex situation. It is not simply "one eats too much" - there are often complex chemical (genetic and hormonal), psychological, emotional, and lifestyle factors at play. People can be unhappy being overweight and want to change, but rarely does some loved one pressuring them do anything to "help" the situation. Being overweight is also a singular measure of health; there are plenty of overweight and obese people out there who are overall healthier and have better wellness than those who have a "normal" BMI (BMI is a crock-o-splat btw, don't get me started). The fact that it sounds like her doctor hasn't made a big deal about her weight likely suggests that he/she isn't as concerned as your family is - maybe because her other biometrics are actually really good, or they are more worried about addressing mental health or another factor (irrespective of her weight) first and wants to prioritize that.

I work in the fitness field. When people tell me they want to lose weight, I ALWAYS ask them why. That why is so important to their success. When the "why" is "I want to feel better in my body, I want to be able to chase my grandkids, I want to experience less chronic fatigue and pain" the person is way more likely to be successful than when its some external pressure like "my mom thinks I should be skinnier like my sister." Intrinsic motivation is so much stronger and more sustainable than motivation coming from others or the desire to fit into a socially acceptable structure, and when the motivation is internal, things like adjusting diet and exercise tend to work more. When its some "other" reason, it usually means there are other factors that also need to be addressed to lose weight, such as mental health issues (common), and even if we get that person on a good diet/exercise routine it isn't going to actually "solve" the problem they experience of wanting to fit in or belong or be accepted by their loved ones.

Love your mom in the size body she currently has. Pre-plan to find some stores that carry her size prior to going MOB dress shopping with her. Don't make her weight an issue for you. If she says she wants to lose weight, you can help her, but if it doesn't come from her leave it be. She feels enough pressure from everyone else. She doesn't need your wedding to be a looming deadline she just isn't going to meet or you to be someone else she is going to let down and who will be disappointed that she isn't a size 14-16.

Kari, this is such knowledgeable, compassionate, and realistic advice. Thank you for sharing it. I bet you are amazing at your job.

Watching the netflix documentary Game Changers for me was a, well, game-changer. Motivated me to seek out whole, plant-based foods and never even felt like I was dieting. Lost nearly 30 lbs. over 6 months and never felt like I was hungry. Takes a little effort cooking for yourself, but there are so many amazing plant-based recipes. I don't put the pressure on myself to be exclusively plant-based like when I'm at someone's house, but when I'm in control of what I eat, I'll choose unprocessed plant-based. Gave me a huge energy boost and motivation after eating that way for a week and I've never felt healthier. Hope that helps!

I think that first of all you need to talk frankly with your mother. Does she want to lose weight. You need to inspire her, not pressure her. Maybe she is stressed, then she needs to be distracted by something positive, for example, a hobby. You also need to gradually regain healthy habits. This happens gradually, there is no need to put strict restrictions

I think there's no harm in asking her to join you in healthy activities, but I would not bring up her weight with her at all. As someone who lost 120 lbs following 2 pregnancies, there was nothing worse than being told I was unhealthy.